New to BDSM looking to learn and explore

[littleone11]

Hello all:

A few days ago I posted a thread in the "How to" forums not knowing where I should start. I received some very helpful suggestions (including the advise to post in this forum) from some of the great folks. I'm very new to both Literotica and this form of sexuality. It took quite a bit of effort and courage to begin this journey for me.

My hope is to learn more about my desires, why they came to be, how they are so contrary to how I view myself, and to become more liberated in my feelings. I would like to find a teacher, someone who won't be offended, who is non-judgemental, and someone who will take me slowly but firmly to show me what this can be truly about. My initial surfing explorations are what led me to this wonderful site. After several months of hiding behind my screen and reading the stories - I would like to be more interactive in my experiences.

More specifically, earlier this year (2008) I had an experience with a woman that transformed who I am (I would be willing to elaborate more on this if the readers here are interested). In the last 6-8 months I have been more consumed with BDSM. As I did more probing, I found many more woman who consider themselves submissive and less common were the truly dominant women. My thoughts revolve around power exchange themes, mental control, physical control, desire to be told what to do, humiliation (there is some significant to my nick), exposed, taken and much more.

For those who have had a similar course, how did you find out about your inner feelings? How did you come to terms with it? How did you learn more about it and find a partner who was non-judgemental and willing to teach you?

One reason I have hesitated so long to open up is my fear of rejection from women who find this sort of idea to be 'perverted'.

I am very eager and willing to be a good student.

Happy Holidays.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<Snip> My hope is to learn more about my desires, why they came to be, how they are so contrary to how I view myself, and to become more liberated in my feelings. I would like to find a teacher, someone who won't be offended, who is non-judgemental, and someone who will take me slowly but firmly to show me what this can be truly about.

<More snip>

One reason I have hesitated so long to open up is my fear of rejection from women who find this sort of idea to be 'perverted'.

I am very eager and willing to be a good student.

Happy Holidays.

Welcome. I'll go backwards in the comments I left in above...

If you're truly interested in learning, you'll not be rejected here. This is one of the most open and welcoming forums I've ever run into.

A good place to start learning is to scan through the topics available in the BDSM Library and read more deeply into the topics that arouse your interest and curiosity. Then you can ask questions here.

You can also try to find a local BDSM group and attend munches and other presentations to learn in a "live" setting. I'm sure CutieMouse will be here soon to offer a link or three to whatever it was that Evil_Geoff used to link to for finding local groups when he spent more time with us (where the hell IS he, anyway???).

Good luck in your quest, and Happy Holidays right backatcha!

 

[CutieMouse]

You can also try to find a local BDSM group and attend munches and other presentations to learn in a "live" setting. I'm sure CutieMouse will be here soon to offer a link or three to whatever it was that Evil_Geoff used to link to for finding local groups when he spent more time with us (where the hell IS he, anyway???).

EG's standard "how to find a munch" list can be found here. (A "munch" is a monthly dinner sort of thing for like minded people to socialize - kink friendly, but public appropriate.)

As too meeting dominant women, I would not suggest leaning close and conspiratorially whispering "I've found the secret to happiness in relationships - giving women all the power!"* and then arguing when the lady you are dining with/trying to impress responds with "Not in my world." (FYI - I tend to ID as a submissive masochist.)



*Raises hand - yes this happened the other week. Totally vanilla dinner thing, second time I'd had dinner with the guy - stressing I was interested in nothing more than friendship and conversation... ye gods.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... I would not suggest leaning close and conspiratorially whispering "I've found the secret to happiness in relationships - giving women all the power!"* and then arguing when the lady you are dining with/trying to impress responds with "Not in my world." (FYI - I tend to ID as a submissive masochist.)

*Raises hand - yes this happened the other week. Totally vanilla dinner thing, second time I'd had dinner with the guy - stressing I was interested in nothing more than friendship and conversation... ye gods.

Why do these things happen to you?

My gawd/ess, maybe you should consider writing a book...

 

[BiBunny]

Actually, I think the Mouse should just go with it, if that's the vibe she gives off. She could have a lucrative career as a pro Domme. Those boys would probably even get off on the fact that she's a sub to someone else.

To the OP, there's loads of information here. The library isn't really up-to-date anymore, and the search function sometimes leaves something to be desired, but if you persist, you can probably find what you're looking for.

 

[CutieMouse]

Why do these things happen to you?

Sigh... because I'm not all that good at this life-stuff.

My gawd/ess, maybe you should consider writing a book...

Can't - most publishing houses have put a freeze on signing new authors.

Actually, I think the Mouse should just go with it, if that's the vibe she gives off. She could have a lucrative career as a pro Domme. Those boys would probably even get off on the fact that she's a sub to someone else.

Do. Not.Have.The.Energy.

To the OP, there's loads of information here. The library isn't really up-to-date anymore, and the search function sometimes leaves something to be desired, but if you persist, you can probably find what you're looking for.

Another (time consuming, but good) way to wander about the BDSM forums and learn stuff is to simply dive backwards in the page counts. I've been doing a lot of that lately, finding conversations I'd missed/forgotten the first time around.

 

[BiBunny]

Do. Not.Have.The.Energy.

Too bad. That'd be awesome.

Another (time consuming, but good) way to wander about the BDSM forums and learn stuff is to simply dive backwards in the page counts. I've been doing a lot of that lately, finding conversations I'd missed/forgotten the first time around.

Yep, that, too. Something else I do when I'm working and bored is click on the names of posters whose insights I often enjoy and click "view all threads by poster" or whatever. That way, I can see all the threads that person has started. I've found some really interesting older threads that way.

 

[BenDover4]

More specifically, earlier this year (2008) I had an experience with a woman that transformed who I am (I would be willing to elaborate more on this if the readers here are interested).

Tell us more...

 

[littleone11]

Sorry I haven't responded to the original thread but it seem to have gotten a bit side tracked and I was also taking the advise of one of responders to search the forum for topics of interest. As far as what happened to me, here it the story.

I'm quite self-conscious about my 'size' (as the nick implies) and because of that I have tended to shy away from physical/intimate contact. About 8 months ago I met a very nice lady whom I got to know. We enjoyed each other's company and seemed to be developing a good friendship. She was at my place one night for dinner (we had previously had dinner at each others home) having a great time. After dinner one thing led to another (very innocently) and we ended up having sex. But it was how things unfolded rather than what actually occurred which put on me on this course. You see, when we were in deep passionate kissing and she pulled down my pants - the moment she saw me, I could tell by the expression on her face that she was both shocked and disappointed. She didn't say anything to me so I continued with pleasuring her orally - to which she noted that she came 3 times (very local and expressive orgasms). She then asked me to put on a condom and fuck her. When I obliged and thrusted my cock into her, she was almost frigid - no facial expressions, no aroused body expression. I finished off, we cleaned up and to keep a long story short, that was the last time I saw her.

Since that evening, I have been repeatedly playing the whole event over and over in my head. Despite my own consciousness about my size, I somehow wanted this woman to tell me how she felt - did she feel it? Did she not enjoy it? I become very hot and turned-on by hearing her voice her displeasure and disatisfaction with my manhood. This is what got me to read Literotica stories and how I fumbled upon the forums.

I have no clue with I feel like this, why it excites me to hear a woman say those things to me. These days my thoughts become more intense and deep. I think of a dominant woman constantly but am too afraid to seek it out. Plus I want to learn more about my newfound interest.

I'm learning that this is a common desire among men but a rarity to find a willing lady who can be a strong and firm teacher.