New submission

[Eros5150]

My latest story and first foray into fetishes, was just posted. I wanted to tackle a hidden, but very real, subject in a way that captures the anguish and raw sensuality. It may not be for all readers, but I would love any comments or criticism. Thx.

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-perfect-cut

 

[MatveiPavlovitch]

The story is quite original. I think that you avoided carefully to write too graphic story, and this is not a splatter. I think that the outer reality is written quite well, but perhaps you should describe more the inner reality, her sensations, and images in her mind. It would make her experience more real.

 

[Dream_Operator]

Hi Eros,

Here's my feedback:

Overall

I found the story a bit depressing. It was like watching a heroin junkie shooting up. I'm not sure what emotions you were trying to elicit from the reader.

Story Telling

Good story telling is about the reveal. Telling us the MC's whole back story and then having her behave exactly as expected doesn't make for a compelling read.

Better to open with her at the seedy motel -- what is this professional, seemingly successful woman doing there? Make the reader want to find out.

Having the MC feel guilty, or have regrets about what she is doing, would make her more human.

Punctuation & Grammar

Get... rid... of... the ellipses. You... are... using... them... incorrectly. It... is... annoying.

Plausibility

Can someone with that many wounds pass out for two hours and not bleed to death?

 

[chocolatecookie3]

I thought it was well written. Good visual descriptions and taking us along into her mind. I was fascinated and disgusted, but I wanted to keep reading! So that worked. I think with a fetish like this you are going to get people either loving it or hating it.

I felt like the pacing and structure were perfect, so I disagree with the above poster about reordering the scenes. There were some punctuation errors that another read-through might catch.

Now I will go read your other stories!

 

[AMoveableBeast]

This is an interesting fetish, one that does not get the attention one would think on sites like this. It's curious, when one considers the overall popularity of the two acts, that there is an entire category basically devoted to incest while cutting is somehow, even in a place like this, looked at as too taboo.

I have dated a few girls with cutting fetishes and know many more. Your treatment of the subject does it justice, and the writing is well-paced and exciting. I found the story arousing and enjoyable even in its inherent replusiveness, which is pretty much what you want in this sort of tale.

If I could offer criticism, all I would say is that the beginning, where she details the credentials of her perfect life, seems a bit stilted. Not cliche exactly, but formulated. Having said that, some of the description in those sections is very nice. You have the ability to turn a phrase, a neglected and often overlooked talent on this site.

I would love to see something like this expanded into a longer story, where you showcase the struggle and release in alternating scenes of choking repression and forbidden release, ultimately leading to something terrible, something wonderful, somewhere, maybe nowhere. There is an audience for this regardless of the knee-jerk rejection it may inspire in people not intimate with the subject..