Scarlett Harlot
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2002
- Posts
- 2
Just wanted to find out how my story is going down as it is my first attempt. Let me know please...
New Story
- Thread starter Scarlett Harlot
- Start date
Wicked-N-Erotic
Wicked As I Wanna Be
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2002
- Posts
- 1,095
Add a link please so we can find it.
Wicked
Wicked
damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
- Joined
- May 7, 2002
- Posts
- 16,276
BigTexan
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2002
- Posts
- 268
Scarlett,
This story was erotic and interesting to read. I enjoyed the sex scenes and the suspense that you built.
One of the few things that I think could have been better is the dialog. I would have liked it better if the dialog had been split out into seperate paragraphs.
Nearly naked and vulnerable I stood outstretched feeling a breeze playing across my nipples and hearing the rustling of trees. Where was I? I came back to the reality of my situation with a jolt as I felt hot breath on my neck as my hair was pushed away from my neck. Master laughed wickedly at me “Scared you did I?” he asked. I nodded too scared to speak for fear that my voice would falter and give me away. I began to shiver as the breeze picked up a little and blew softly around me, caressing my skin and teasing at my nipples.
to this:
Nearly naked and vulnerable I stood outstretched feeling a breeze playing across my nipples and hearing the rustling of trees. Where was I? I came back to the reality of my situation with a jolt as I felt hot breath on my neck as my hair was pushed away from my neck.
Master laughed wickedly at me “Scared you did I?” he asked.
I nodded too scared to speak for fear that my voice would falter and give me away. I began to shiver as the breeze picked up a little and blew softly around me, caressing my skin and teasing at my nipples.
The next thing I noticed was an editing error. She had the hood on her head and then when the van doors opened the light blinded her and he grabbed her hair and then a little later the hood was back.
Other than these two, and a couple of grammar problems (not really bad ones) I really enjoyed the story. It was well done. Keep writing, I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
BigTexan
This story was erotic and interesting to read. I enjoyed the sex scenes and the suspense that you built.
One of the few things that I think could have been better is the dialog. I would have liked it better if the dialog had been split out into seperate paragraphs.
Nearly naked and vulnerable I stood outstretched feeling a breeze playing across my nipples and hearing the rustling of trees. Where was I? I came back to the reality of my situation with a jolt as I felt hot breath on my neck as my hair was pushed away from my neck. Master laughed wickedly at me “Scared you did I?” he asked. I nodded too scared to speak for fear that my voice would falter and give me away. I began to shiver as the breeze picked up a little and blew softly around me, caressing my skin and teasing at my nipples.
to this:
Nearly naked and vulnerable I stood outstretched feeling a breeze playing across my nipples and hearing the rustling of trees. Where was I? I came back to the reality of my situation with a jolt as I felt hot breath on my neck as my hair was pushed away from my neck.
Master laughed wickedly at me “Scared you did I?” he asked.
I nodded too scared to speak for fear that my voice would falter and give me away. I began to shiver as the breeze picked up a little and blew softly around me, caressing my skin and teasing at my nipples.
The next thing I noticed was an editing error. She had the hood on her head and then when the van doors opened the light blinded her and he grabbed her hair and then a little later the hood was back.
Other than these two, and a couple of grammar problems (not really bad ones) I really enjoyed the story. It was well done. Keep writing, I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.
BigTexan
