new story type (cal lfor editors)

[acls416]

Hi everyone.

I've been reading literotica for quite some time now, but my first story is being written for another site. There shouldn't be a problem posting the story here too if there's any interest; the site in question is a special interest site and the story is a special interest story. Visitors to the other site have read a few unedited parts of the story so far, but lately I've been feeling the need for some editorial input. I feel like the quality of my output is dropping and since this is my first story I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

"Girls under the influence" is the special interest. My story eschews the drugs/smoking aspects of the fetish, along with the self-destructive theme sometimes associated with the genre. Instead, I'm trying to focus on drinking and intoxication as an exhilarating and naughty thing for a young woman to do. Sexual things happen as inhibitions fall by the wayside, which is not altogether unheard of in drunk girl stories, but I'm going into more juicy, wet detail than some of the more popular stories I've read.

I'll try to get all of the potentially contentious things about the story out in the open here:
*It involves a future (adult) Mylie Cyrus, although it does not hinge on her entertainment career, which she has given up before the story begins.
*People have sex while intoxicated. On the plus side, the characters never do anything sexually while under the influence that they wouldn't want to do sober. They're just too inhibited otherwise. On the minus side, there are a lot of bad things that can happen in real life when sex and alcohol mix, and one might not feel comfortable editing a story that glorifies that kind of thing.
*There's lesbian sex. I don't have you all figured for a bunch of prudes, but those not comfortable with homosexuality will want to steer clear.

In case the editor whom I've already emailed is reading this: I am not posting here because I'm getting impatient for a response. You sound like a very busy person and it's only been a day since I've emailed you. I'm issuing a general call for editors because I want more than one perspective on the story if I can get it. I would still be thrilled to have you edit for me!

Please reply to this post and/or email me at someone@somewhere.com if you're willing to donate your time and expertise toward improving my writing.

Thanks!

 

[acls416]

Whoops. Looks like I missed the suggestion to post the first 300-500 words in the soliciting sticky on the first go-around. So here we are:

The glossy car coasted down the freshly paved lane, threading through an endless mass of dark eucalyptus trees. The clouds had not yet cleared and so there was no light except for the city streetlamps still visible on the horizon and the yellow-white beams projecting perhaps sixty feet ahead. Leslie's mind was off in another world, so if not for the large, numbered mailbox and empty driveway, Greg would have missed the single story farmhouse on the left side of the road.

"This must be the place," he said as he pulled into the driveway. Leslie saw his eyes linger on the two young women through the rear-view mirror. Mylie was slumped in the seat, hanging tenuously from the shoulder strap, eyes closed. Leslie was trying to collect herself. She was home. He was about to leave with her drunk friend still in the car. Sweet, warm, tipsy Miley was about to be carried back home at 40 miles per hour with her midnight dress and her ripe curves and her fruity, minty, liquor-scented breath. Or maybe not home, as Leslie took in the look in Greg's eyes. What could she do? When the noise of the engine cut of*, Mylie roused blearily from sleep.

Leslie needed a plan, but all she could come up with was, "Maybe--maybemiley and me should jus'..." and that's all she got out before Greg's cell phone rang from his suit pocket.

"Hawthorne speaking," he answered, and continued to look over Miley in the back seat. She clearly didn't quite know where she was as she looked around at the darkness outside the unmoving automobile. Leslie searched for the door handle in the unfamiliar vehicle. Her fingers found the handle, opened the door, and stepped out of the car. "Right now? Maybe we should just--." Greg sighed and a philosophical expression passed across his face. "No, I suppose not." He turned in his seat. "Ladies? I'm afraid something has come up. Mylie, you will have to take a taxi home. There's something I must take care of right now."

For a moment, Leslie looked at Mylie and Mylie looked at Greg. Then: "Come on inside hon. Y'can stay here tonigh'." As Mylie fumbled with the seatbelt buckle, Leslie reflected that the nap probably had not sobered her up any. Indeed, she had just finished her second double before leaving the restaurant and the ride had lasted perhaps 15 minutes. Mylie was still on the upswing, Leslie thought, as her shapely legs swung out of the car, closely followed by her slightly wobbly body.

Mylie pushed herself upright. To anyone else, it would have been clear that she was inebriated, but Mylie, well, was inebriated--under the impression that while she had had a good time and enjoyed the flavor of the drinks that evening, that they had not really affected her all that much. So she was tired after the performance and fell asleep in the car. Who could blame her? So she was having just a little trouble balancing in her high heels. Wasn't that normal? So she felt perfectly, dreamily at ease with the people around her. Didn't she always? These ideas did not so much occur to her as bubble up through her consciousness as she tried to think about other things.



*GAH!! To think I posted this...

 

[AsylumSeeker]

You're a good writer IMHO (In My Humble Opinion). Very good paragraphing, no errors jumped out at me, etc. I'm guessing from this snippet you're trying to write about a current Disney singing sensation, but I may be wrong. Clue me in otherwise.

If that's the case, it may be more prudent to wait until she's of age. When I write about existing characters I do substantial research. Suggest you read any of my CSI stories which readers say are even better than watching a CSI show as it's an investigation plus sex. Not plugging my stories but not hiding them either.

So, what I'm seeing is good so far, but the age aspect is questionable. IMHO.

 

[acls416]

You're a good writer IMHO (In My Humble Opinion). Very good paragraphing, no errors jumped out at me, etc.

Thanks for the compliment!

I'm guessing from this snippet you're trying to write about a current Disney singing sensation, but I may be wrong. Clue me in otherwise.

I'm trying not to write about a current Disney singing sensation! : ) It started out as a request. The site owner posted asking for a story about Mylie Cyrus. Another user on the forum responded that he wouldn't mind writing something, but could he age Mylie so as not to write erotica about underage people? The original poster responded that that would be OK, provided that "the story is a reasonable extension of her current situation. She can't be an eighteen-year-old alligator wrestler in Australia." I took that as a challenge.

The excerpt above is from the beginning of part 3. The "performance" was a match against Edie the alligator earlier in the day, right before the business meeting when she tried mixed drinks for the first time. So far there has been no singing whatsoever (she's given it up in this timeline).

If that's the case, it may be more prudent to wait until she's of age.

I'll admit I still have misgivings. The story started as a joke on my part, and I would consider changing the identity of the main characters. Now that you have some background, what do you think?

When I write about existing characters I do substantial research. Suggest you read any of my CSI stories which readers say are even better than watching a CSI show as it's an investigation plus sex. Not plugging my stories but not hiding them either.

Not knowing anything about CSI, I don't think I'll be able to appreciate your research. However, my research so far has been biased toward figuring out what makes girls under the influence sexy (a surprisingly difficult question to answer) and I feel like I'm weaker in the writing erotica department as a consequence.

I'll definitely take a look at your stories, but I'd like to get an editor to give detailed feedback.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Thanks for the compliment!



I'm trying not to write about a current Disney singing sensation! : ) It started out as a request. The site owner posted asking for a story about Mylie Cyrus. Another user on the forum responded that he wouldn't mind writing something, but could he age Mylie so as not to write erotica about underage people? The original poster responded that that would be OK, provided that "the story is a reasonable extension of her current situation. She can't be an eighteen-year-old alligator wrestler in Australia." I took that as a challenge.

The excerpt above is from the beginning of part 3. The "performance" was a match against Edie the alligator earlier in the day, right before the business meeting when she tried mixed drinks for the first time. So far there has been no singing whatsoever (she's given it up in this timeline).



I'll admit I still have misgivings. The story started as a joke on my part, and I would consider changing the identity of the main characters. Now that you have some background, what do you think?



Not knowing anything about CSI, I don't think I'll be able to appreciate your research. However, my research so far has been biased toward figuring out what makes girls under the influence sexy (a surprisingly difficult question to answer) and I feel like I'm weaker in the writing erotica department as a consequence.

I'll definitely take a look at your stories, but I'd like to get an editor to give detailed feedback.

<Turning around, switching "Critic" hat for "Editor" hat> You know, it just so happens...

 

[acls416]

It would be really cool if you were willing to edit! I'm working on part 8 right now. I've already posted parts 0 through 7 so I can't really edit them now, but would you be interested in reading them before part 8? They total about 13k words.

 

[AchtungNight]

If you still need someone, I'm happy to help too. I also enjoy writing well-researched celebrity stories and could probably dig the tale you have in mind based on the snippet I read. Many of my tales involve lesbianism, so I'm comfortable with that too.

AslyumSeeker is right about the age thing, though. You should wait to publish the story until your celebrity is of age- at least if you want to publish on Lit. Any involvement in sex scenes by a character based on a celebrity who is a minor at the time of your publishing attempt will result in story rejection. At least that has been my experience. Even if you try artificially aging them and/or setting the story in a possible future, it's a roll of the dice whether or not it will work. Other sites may have looser guidelines, I can't speak for them. But these are Lit's as far as I know (and I agree with them btw).

PM me if you need my help. - AN

 

[acls416]

Yes, I'm still looking for an editor.

As far as the age thing goes, I'm not as concerned with the publishability of the story as I am with steering clear of any ethical issues. I was plain unwilling to write a story about present-day Mylie as was originally requested and I thought it would be enough to set it in the future, but now I'm starting to wonder about other things. E.g. what if the real Mylie or one of her friends ran across the story tomorrow? That wouldn't be cool regardless of the setting explained in the introductory paragraphs. Not a likely scenario, but still... Or what if some readers are mentally filtering out the introductory paragraphs? That's not something I'd like to support either.

I'm seriously considering changing the name of the main character and redacting some elements of the already published parts so that she becomes an unspecified ex-singer. What do you all think of that? At this point, "Mylie" isn't even the most popular character. People seem to prefer Savannah, a minor character who serves as a foil for the main character's innocence early on.

Comments requested.

 

[AchtungNight]

As far as the age thing goes, I'm not as concerned with the publishability of the story as I am with steering clear of any ethical issues. I was plain unwilling to write a story about present-day Mylie as was originally requested and I thought it would be enough to set it in the future, but now I'm starting to wonder about other things. E.g. what if the real Mylie or one of her friends ran across the story tomorrow? That wouldn't be cool regardless of the setting explained in the introductory paragraphs. Not a likely scenario, but still... Or what if some readers are mentally filtering out the introductory paragraphs? That's not something I'd like to support either.

Can't do much about readers filtering out stuff. But as for the ethical issues you mention, well, I deal with that all the time. My way is just doing my best to give the celebrity a fair portrayal so even if they're offended by the story, they'll possibly be able to shrug it off. And I never do crazy stuff I've seen some people do with celebrities (like vampires, watersports, and stuff of that nature). No incest beyond cousins either (and so far I've only mentioned that in a character's background as something she knows another character did). As long as I do that, write a disclaimer, and keep it believable even though it's fiction, I find I can live with what I put down. Usually the sites where I post have been able to do the same. And I have yet to have a celebrity contact me about stuff I've written. If they did- well, I'll cross that bridge when it comes.

I'm seriously considering changing the name of the main character and redacting some elements of the already published parts so that she becomes an unspecified ex-singer. What do you all think of that? At this point, "Mylie" isn't even the most popular character. People seem to prefer Savannah, a minor character who serves as a foil for the main character's innocence early on.

To be honest, I'm not really a fan of Miley Cyrus either. I'm also one of the people who still would like to see her dad hunted down (thank you Bill Hicks!). If you feel you can make your story original and it would be better that way, I highly encourage you to try. Please let me know when the story's ready for editing via PM. AN out.