New Story: My Mother Been Made A Bitch

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JeffDaWildOne

Virgin
Joined
Dec 28, 2001
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4
If someone could read and critique this, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you sincerely!

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I was quite surprised when I arrived home from work late one night and saw two cars in my driveway, one I had never seen before. However, after a long day of high school, and a full night of work, this 18 year old was tired. My name is Jeff, and although I consider myself, and am considered by others, to be in great shape…by the end of a long day, every inch of my body hurts.

As I pulled into my driveway I saw that the first car was my mothers. She’d been at her New Years’ Eve Christmas Party with her friends, but was obviously home early. The other car’s personalized plates said “Jay2hot”. It was my friend Jay from high school, we both failed grade 11 and were still stuck in grade 12, long after everyone else in our class had graduated.

I got out of my car and walked around the back, to the basement entrance, as that was where my room was. I had told my family that I would be staying out all night and not be home until tomorrow, but I didn’t figure they’d have anything going that would make it wrong for me to be here. I opened the door and walked downstairs and into my bedroom, forgetting all about the cars. I stripped down to my boxers and looked at myself in the mirror. I was 6’4, 210lbs of pure muscle, short blond hair, and one heck of an ass. I admired myself, and then I could hear something coming from upstairs. I stood on a stool and tried to listen through the heating vent. I could clearly hear bed springs bouncing, and the sound of a headboard hitting the wall. I could just barely make out words coming from a male voice saying “Like that whore?”

Suddenly I remembered the cars in the driveway and went upstairs to check it out. The door to my mother’s bedroom was wide open, and the only light in there was provided by the street light outside the open window. My mother was totally nude, on all fours, and facing away from me towards the headboard of their bed. Behind her was Jay, naked and fucking the hell out of her.

My mother, Mary, was always really hot. She had me when she was only 15 years old, and was 33 now. I used to hear my father tell other guys how much of a slut she was when she was younger, and still was today. She had all sorts of porn, including a huge collection of Play Girls. She had more lingerie in her closet then a Victoria Secrets’ store. She even made my father go on Viagra so he could get it up for long periods of time to satisfy her slut-like needs. She was incredibly thin, and fit, with a six-pack and everything. She was a brunette, with long legs, big breasts and a nice firm ghetto booty.

My friend, Jay, was always a show off. He was star of the football team, and loved to degrade women. He would always spank his girlfriends, for the short while he kept them, while in public, and even made them wear a collar that said “Property of Jay”, as well as a similar sign on their ass. He had blond hair that was now shaved off, and was bigger then me, but a million times more muscular. And he was hung too.. He used to like to show people in public just how big he was.

Being brought back to reality, I stood behind them, knowing they couldn’t see me and watched as my mother, with her face shoved into a pillow to muffle her moans and animal like grunts, took Jay like a champion. Jay had one hand reached around to cup her big hanging breasts, and the other with a handful of her hair, pushing her face into the pillow. He was breathing heavily and talking dirty to her; “How much do you love my cock, whore!?”

He pulled back on her hair, pulling her face away from the pillow and my mother shouted out “OH god, you’re my daddy Jay…fuck me! Fuck me now!”

With that he let go of her hair, and she let her head fall back into the pillow. Jay continued to plow his cock into her as he moved his hand back and then slapped her ass, the sound echoing in the room and down the hall. I watched as he slammed into her so hard one time, that her big breast flew forward and hit her in the face, she giggled for a second then went right back to the hard panting and grunting. Jay moved his hand back and slapped her ass again, saying “Who’s my whore!?”

My mother whimpered and as her breathing became intensified groaned out “OH Jay I’m your whore! I love your cock soooo much… ohhhhhh fuck me, I’m going to cum baby…I’m gonna cum…”

This made Jay go nuts and starts pounding her pussy a thousand times harder. Jay gave it to her wildly as she clutched onto the blanket covering the bed, she squealed like a pig at one point and Jay pulled her hair and asked “What was that bitch?”

My mother just whimpered and said “You hit my…my…my g-spot… I’m cumming baby!”

Then she was sent into animalistic grunts as Jay slammed into her. She hit her head against the bed’s headboard, but didn’t seem to care. She slammed back against him, meeting him half way. Jay just kept talking dirty to her all the way through her orgasm “How’s that you little cock loving bitch? How do you like my schlong?”

She just fell forward and pushed her face into the pillow as her orgasm ended. Jay pulled his cock out, and I hurried into the hallway so he couldn’t see me if he turned around. I could hear him say “Turn over you little dirty slut…”

Then I heard her turn over, and then heard the bed springs start to get another work out. I peeked in the door and saw him laying on top of her, her legs spread really wide. He was slamming in as he made out with her sloppily. The kissing was muffling her moaning, but it was still very audible. Suddenly Jay’s moaning got louder and he started pounding into her harder and harder, she started gasping for air, but he wouldn’t break the kiss. Then suddenly he slammed in the whole way and yelled “There’s my hot load you little slut!” as he had an came. He pulled out, and stood up next to the bed, he pulled off a condom and threw it on her chest and laughed at her saying “Swallow like a good slut.” and walked into my parent’s bathroom.

My mother, her hands shaking still, picked up the condom and started to lick Jay’s load from inside of it. She swallowed every last drop, and after Jay was done taking a leak in the bathroom he came back and checked it. He saw she missed a spot, got the cum on his fingers and shoved them into her mouth “Missed some, whore…” She swallowed it and sucked on his fingers.

He laughed and got between her legs and rubbed her pussy, she moaned, enjoying it. “How many guys have been up this loose hole slut?”

She turned her head to the side, embarrassed. “Too many to count…”

Jay gave her thigh a good hard slap “How many I know? And I want names or you’re not getting any more cock… I mean it, no matter how much you beg.”

Mom swallowed, then started to name them off “..um.. Jeff’s dad. You. Your friends Matt, Bobby, Rob, Chuck, Billy, Sean, Hunter, Luke, and the other Jay.”

Jay laughed at her “But now your pussy is my fucking territory. You got that slut? If your husband, who can’t get the job done anymore, wants it tell him no. Tell him you’re my bitch now, and there ain’t a damn thing he can do about it.”

My mother nodded. She started to rub her thighs together to stimulate her clit and Jay laughed in amusement. “Man you’re a slut…”

Jay walked towards the door and I hid in another room. He walked down the hallway and I followed. I watched him get into his car and drive away, I walked back to see what my mother was doing. She was dialling a phone number. I quickly picked up another extension and listened in.

“Hello” said the male voice.

“Hi Bobby, it’s me… Mary. I was wondering if you could come over…”, she said.

Bobby, my friend from school, replied “My parent’s are in their room, I can try. But I’m freaked out they’ll see me from their room. I hate that we’re neighbours.”

“It’s okay, just wear the black mask, they’ll never know.” She replied in return.

“I’ll see what I can do. Bye.” He said as he hung up.

I walked downstairs to the doors, and double locked them all, so I knew he wouldn’t be able to get in if he tried to. Then I reached into the closet and grabbed a black mask that showed nothing but my eyes. I walked upstairs, making a lot of noise as I did, and I heard mom yell “Come on stud, I need it…”

I walked into the bedroom, and ripped off my boxers, climbing on top of her in bed. “Oooh I love the mask Bobby… Take me you big stud.”

I could smell the alcohol on her breath, and knew this would be easy. I rubbed my cock against her pussy and she gasped, then I pushed all 10 inches into her and she screamed out. “Oh god it’s grown!”

I smiled, knowing I was bigger then Bobby as I started to fuck her. She was pretty loose and lubed up so I had no problem nailing her hard and fast. She was gasping for air, and panting like a dog in no time. “Bobby…Bobby….Bobby yes!” was all she would say. I started to make out with her as I drilled her.

She kissed sloppily, the way a cheap whore would, and that just encouraged me to fuck harder. I grabbed her legs and pulled them up over my shoulders and started fucking it in deeper. She was loving each second of it, and I watched as I nailed her g-spot. I must have hit it damn hard, because her eyes glazed over and she just kept chanting Bobby’s name.

I decided that I’d have enough of this position, and pulled out. She immediately flipped over and got up on all fours and wiggled her booty at me. I just had to smack it, and did over and over again until she whimpered. I laughed and pushed my cock back into her and starts to fuck her. I could see her asshole and it looked tight, but not tight enough to be a virgin there. She just continued panting and groaning Bobby’s name, and I just kept on slamming in. She suddenly started to shake and I could tell she was going to cum, so I reached around and played with her clit as I fucked her. “I’m cumming Bobby! YES! YES! YES! OH YES!” she screamed.

I felt her tense up, and buck back against me wildly as she came, then she fell down to the mattress, exhausted. Without saying a word I spread her ass cheeks, pulled out of her wet pussy, and using her cum as lubrication, started to push into her ass. She encouraged me saying “Yes… Take my ass again Bobby!”

I pushed all the way in, and it was much tighter then her pussy, but I could handle it. I started fucking her hard right away, and at first she whimpered in pain. But she never complained, and took it like a champion and was soon moaning in pleasure. “Ohhhhh…Fuck my little ass baby! Bang me! Bang me hard!” she was yelling.

Suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore, and I shot my load into her tight ass hole. She groaned loudly in pleasure as my hot load sprayed up deep into her. Then I pulled out, gave her ass a good hard pat and started to walk out of the bedroom. “Bye Bobby… I’ll give you a call some other time, you hung stud, you.” she giggled like a young school girl, and before I even left the bedroom I could see her start to play with her own clit again.

I opened and closed one of the doors so she would think that I left, and then snuck back downstairs and went to bed.
To be continued…?

Let me know by sending me feedback to… apornplaywrite@hotmail.com
Thanks!
 
A better place for this would be the Story Feedback section of the bulletin board. ;)
 
Uh, guys?

I had to go back to the top to be sure, but this is the Story & Poetry Feedback forum.

I will agree that it would be better to submit the story for publication and then ask for feedback by reference.

g
 
Hi Jeff.
You should submit your story. Voting will give you a better idea about how much your story is liked by readers.
I did read it. I don't like incest stories, but I can make some general comments.
You may want to consider telling the reader how the son felt about the way his mom was being treated by his friend. And how he felt when he found out that she was sexually involved with so many of his friends. Had the son been sexually interested in his mom before that night? Or did he just suddenly decide to have sex with her? And the son was a bit too perfect. Pure muscle and a 10 inch cock! And the mother sounded perfect, too. Maybe it's genetic. :rolleyes: lol
If you continue this story, maybe it would be interesting to explore all her relationships with her son's friends, and have the son discover how many men she's really involved with, and what kind of kinky things she's into. Or have him come to her night after night as the masked lover... until the night the real Bobby shows up! :eek:
Good luck with your writing. :)
 
Maybe Jeff wanted a little advice *before* he published the story, which is understandable.

Okay, I personally think you are doing a little too much with the story. I think the mother being seduced and whored out by the son's friend could have been a story on it's on. The bit about the mask takes away from it or either the other way around depending upon how you look at it.

So I say either make it a story about a son watching his mother succumb to his friend's wiles or either about a mother who is tricked by her son with the mask bit.

Otherwise, it appears as if you are mixing stripes with plaids. Also, I'm not a fan of the 'my friend who loves to humiliate girl's by making them wear a collar' and 'my mother who is really hot and has a lot of lingerie'. To a degree, we all play around with cliche's, however, if the author shows, not tells; it is not quite as obvious.

For instance:

"What is this Jay?"

"It's your collar slut. All my bitches wear my collar."

"I can't wear this. What would my husband-"<ulp>

Jay stuffed Mrs. Anderson's mouth with his fat sausage. "I really don't give a shit how you explain it. Tell him you're my whore or wear a scarf. Oh yeah, that's right. Suck it, you cock whore!"

Mrs. Anderson wondered how she had gotten caught up in the web with her demanding young lover. ya-da-ya-da-ya-da

Anyway, you see the point. Don't narrate--tell.

A good first effort

Couture
 
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So I say either make it a story about a son watching his mother succumb to his friend's wiles or either about a mother who is tricked by her son with the mask bit.

I agree. You do have a couple of potential stories going on here. I think Courture's first suggestion would make a good story. Now that the son has "caught" his mom and friend, he starts watching them every night, and he watches their relationship intensify and his own lust grows.
 
hello and Well met Jeff,
I must admit being new here myself, people have been very patient and understanding with me however so ask them the questions on your mind!
I read over your story and i must agree that there is a lot going on there. As suggested it would break into several stories easily.
There is indeed some details to be filled in, and Lit has a great volunteer editing program. I have recieved feedback to my writing style when i asked, and as a result the numbers for my stories are creeping up slowly.
When you choose your editors but be patient with them and choose carefully by their descriptions of their interests as well, both will help lighten the load they take on.
Have fun with your writings!!!

~mskittykatt
 
Alrighty then...

Honestly, my suspension of disbelief flew out the window when Dad called Mom a slut in front of the kids and she didn't beat his ass.

I can buy a woman liking a bit of humiliation with her orgasms, but here's what I don't buy:

She calls up neighborhood kids for sex, several a night, one after the other, night after night.

Her husband likes to control her too, and she thinks she can get away with wearing another mans collar without creating a rather huge problem. Daddy's got to be totally clueless or I sense there's going to be a dead Jay in the near future. (Did I just say 'another man's collar?)

I have a personal 'ooh-ick' that shivers down my spine and freezes me below the waist when characters call each other 'mommy and daddy' while they're fucking.

Now on to what I did like.

The hood and switch routine is great. The catching Mom up to no-good works too. I'd suggest, though, that you work on the background details - tell us where these people are coming from. If this woman is really fucked up enough to act this way tell us why - and make us believe it. I can't buy insatiable lust alone. She sounds like she's trying to destroy herself and her family. Why? Why damn it, why?

You may want to limit the use of slang to dialogue only. When it's coming from the author's point of view, slang can be distracting for many who don't know the same slang. It will limit your audience.
 
Jeff- Publish your story or stories depends on your reaction to the eloquent commnents above.
The phycology of the Mother figure is disturbing to say the least and it would useful to explore this . For yourself as much as the reader.
For the character Jay. I'm sorry but he is shallow and insecure as I suppose you are having to tell us you have a 10inch cock (5 most likely!) I have never seen the need to brag about size its ability to get it to the places it does the best work, and I'm sorry 10inchs would cause damage. You will get better with a good 6 or 7inchs. In fact the women I have experienced are more than satisfied with a good tongue and a brain behind the cock.
If any of this deflates your ego I'm sorry but you put yourself on the direct firing line not us . We just blast as we see fit.
Finally I find some of the incest stories extremely disturbing and hope they are only fantasy.
 
garyblue said:
Uh, guys?

I had to go back to the top to be sure, but this is the Story & Poetry Feedback forum.


g

Just for the record, this thread wasn't in the feedback section when I posted. ;)
 
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