New story looking for feedback.

[badnews79]

Hi
I am fairly new to writing, grammar has never been a strong point of mine.
I am writing story's here to try and fix that.
Plot and grammatical feedback welcome.

https://www.literotica.com/s/honeymoon-seduction-1

 

[OnlyHappyEndings]

Not bad at at all for a new writer. I didn't see excessive grammar issues but I did see your paragraphs are really short, like one sentence a lot of the time. My early stories are like that, simple sentences and brief paragraphs, until I got comfortable with my writing voice.

The sex was hot. I liked the part where Amanda expresses concern about protection and the Kyle stops and puts on the condom. The part where Amanda later removes his condom and let's him finish inside her... I'm sure the pregnancy fetish guys will like that.

There was one sentence near the end where a character says 'Kyle's going to fuck me for a bit while you watch...' and it makes sense that Lisa would be the one saying that but for some reason I had to read it several times to confirm. So maybe just me but that might have been worded more clearly, identifying Lisa as speaker at the start or middle of the dialogue line rather than at the end.

Anyway, congratulations. Looks like the story is being well received in the Group Sex category.