New Story- "In Paradise With Ann"

[JonTaric]

Hey all....

Just posted a new story, my first one in a couple of years. Please take a look at it. Would love some feedback. It's based on some true experiences I had on vacation this past summer.

It's called "In Paradise with Ann" and it can be found.....


http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=171469

Thanks,
Jon

 

[MissFroggy]

This was a pretty good story, but a few things kind of threw me off.

At the beginning of it, you change tenses a lot. It goes from being past tense to being present tense - and it's especially noticeable in the line "We got into Cancun about six hours ago." Also, quite a few paragraphs start out with "We"... it got a bit repetetive.

As far as anything else, I will admit I was a little bit disappointed that there was no real actual sex. It was a lot of mutual masturbation, oral sex and hand jobs, which I always tend to think of as "appetizer" rather than "main course". Not that those are bad, mind you - I definitely enjoyed reading about it, I just ended up feeling like something was missing. I am not personally turned on by armpits, so I don't really know what to say about that - to each his/her own, hehe.

At any rate, it was a great beginning - I'm curious to see what happens on day 2 and beyond.

 

[FaeLover]

Hey! Nice story! I liked the mutual masturbation parts, it's one of my favourite things! I also liked the fact that you didn't leap into female measurements right at the introduction of characters, that makes the story flow a lot better, in my opinion. Good luck and keep on writing!