New story, from new writter

[kinky_n_cali]

Hi. I just got my first story on Literotica. I would love some feedback before I start writing my second one. Any comments, suggestions anything would be appreciated.


http://www.literotica.com/stories/s...id=44263&page=3

I think that is the right URL, I apologize if it is not.

Story: Deanna
Cat: BDSM


Dianna

 

[PrincessKatie]

Views....

The descriptions were a bit empty and require more in depth qualities to them.
The sex scenes were WAY too short and need fleshing out-after all you need to build the writer up to a nice climax

The story itself was easy to read and flowed from section to section well.
Who knows maybe I should PM you and team up to help you out with new work.

Overall=Good story with few mistakes.

PS-You can PM me anytime 4 help.

 

[71bruce8]

story

Sorry, couldn't get to your story from the posting. Could you provide a title and story area? Thanks.

 

[TrinaT]

I tried the link in your post but was unable to get to your story. You may want to double check the link.

Good luck,

Trina

 

[kinky_n_cali]

here is the link

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=44263

That is really strange, the link worked yesteday morning...o well. Hopefully this one will keep working.


Dianna

 

[TrinaT]

Thanks for the link, I found the story link in the index from the title indicated in your first post. I think your story is well written, although I'm really into that myself. There were a few grammatical error and some spelling errors that you may want to check out. Overall, very intense.

As a new author myself, I can relate to the need for feedback.

Good luck with your future writings.

TrinaT

 

[Impetus]

Not exactly my 'scene' either, but a really nice story.

Good points! Smooth writing, fun characters, and the sex was pretty top-drawer. I was impressed, overall.

Suggestions: I was a *little* distracted by the 'back-and-forth'-ness of the first section, where we go back and forth between the past and present. But past that, there's not much I would suggest. I really liked reading your story. I look forward to the next chapter.

-I

 

[kinky_n_cali]

Thank you...

Thank you all for the feedback on my story, I really appreciate it I have noted down everything to take into account on my new story. Nice thing is i have an editor now, to help with the grammer and spelling mistakes, which I seem to always miss.


Dianna