New story (as yet unapproved)

[Guest]

I have a new story that I want opinions on. It's not yet approved, so you can't add anything to it yet:

http://www.chyoo.com:81/index.php/main.story.cover/2384

It's called 'Fun with the Family', but so as not to discourage some readers, it is NOT and incest story. It's about a guy who goes round his girlfriend's house, and it turns out her sister and mum both want him!

Any views, good or bad will be appreciated. It is my first one, though, so bear that in mind!

 

[niceguy2002tim]

Hey,
I read a few pages of your story. I enjoyed most of it. I also send a couple comments and votes which you can read in your feedback section.

-Tim (niceguy2002tim)

 

[jakelyon]

Good Start

Overall it has the potential to develop into a good little romp of a story. It is funny how simple beginning like this can take off in all kinds of directions. I will add to it when it gets approved.

I have a couple of questions, first you show 1st person POV in the summary yet it is written 2nd person? Also why is it interactive? That feature does not seem to add to the story, and is hard to work with in second person POV.

 

[Zingiber]

Re: Good Start

Overall it has the potential to develop into a good little romp of a story. It is funny how simple beginning like this can take off in all kinds of directions. I will add to it when it gets approved.

I have a couple of questions, first you show 1st person POV in the summary yet it is written 2nd person? Also why is it interactive? That feature does not seem to add to the story, and is hard to work with in second person POV.

I'll chime in with favorable comments too! Good luck on getting it approved soon.

Jake: I thought the "interactive" bit was especially for 2nd person stories, so you can fill in "your own" name and have the other characters call you by it.

- Z

 

[jakelyon]

Re: Re: Good Start

\
Jake: I thought the "interactive" bit was especially for 2nd person stories, so you can fill in "your own" name and have the other characters call you by it.

- Z

I had not thought of it that way. That is a good point, I stand corrected.