New Series - Feedback Would be Appreciated

[DeeperDown]

I posted a story last week and was just looking for a little feedback, both in terms of the structure and content. It's in the loving wives category but is really more of a flawed-relationship kind of piece.

I intended it to be a kind of setup/character development chapter (it's only two and a half pages) for a short series about the characters. I've already submitted the second chapter but it hasn't been approved yet at the time of this post.

Most of the comments in that category appear to be part of an argument for or against the man becoming a cuckold which probably says a lot about who the people reading the category are, but not much in terms of evaluating the story itself.

Thanks for your time and feedback.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=478323

 

[sirreadsalot10]

My two cents

I really liked your first chapter and got a kick out of reading some of the assinine comments. I heard that the loving wives category comments always turned into a bitchfest and now i believe it.

The only thing i found inconsistent in the story itself was Ashley musing that she had not given her pussy to anyone but her husband, but he found her cum saturated panties.

But you wanted comments on your writing and structure. I found your writing style easy to follow and enjoyable. However, your dialogue punctuation is incorrect. A comma should go before the quotation mark instead of a period if you are following the quote with the words "he said, she said, Ashley said, etc.

example: "Blah blah blah," she said.

I don't claim to be a grammar guru, and am sure i make plenty of mistakes myself. This was just something i noticed. I hope it helps.

 

[DeeperDown]

Thanks, I'll re-read that chapter and look for places where I misplaced the punctuation. The panties reference is meant to be a bit of a red herring that will make more sense when chapter two is approved.

I appreciate your time.