New Poems after a year of nothing

[Lexi_Lynn]

Release From Pain

Who could have known
That one little cut
Could release so much pain

If a single cut can do so much
Then why not try another
Maybe a little longer this time

The difference is unreal
Maybe a little deeper
Oh the perfect release

The pain is flowing away
Out from under my skin
All of my pain

See how angry it is
It stains all it touches
Time to wash away the stains

Time to smile
No more pain
No more life

 

[jthserra]

Reminded me of...

This one reminded me of "Cut" by Sylvia Plath, if you haven't read it, look it up. I think if you flesh this one out a bit more, if you excuse the pun, much like Sylvia did, you can make the impact of the cut that much more intense. I think with that increased level of intensity, you use your words instead of the blade for that second cut.

It is amazing how theraputic your razor edged words can be, use the words to excise the pain, let them stain you. If you look at Plath's poem, see how she intensified what she was saying, the mix of image with the sensations. Doing that, makes us all feel it, makes the poem that much more powerful.

Put that second cut in a poem, here in the forum.


jim : )

 

[doormouse]

Hey Jim, Merry Christmas to you and yours.

If a single cut can do so much
Then why not try another
Maybe a little longer this time


I'm FAR from being an expert, but this stanza needs something.

Maybe a semi-colon after 'another'?

Or try a line break there.

If a single cut can do so much
Then why not try another

Maybe a little longer this time

What do you experts think? lol

As for the rest of the poem, it cut like a knife Very well done.

 

[Lexi_Lynn]

Untitled

Broken wings flap under this darkened soul
Chapped skin and empty eyes
So much spilt redness that only black remains
The truest color in the box

Cutting isn't just to end it all
Sometimes it's jut a temperary release
But it could be the end
Maybe it should be

Release doesn't last
So maybe with a deeper cut
It would all end
But who really knows for sure

 

[Lexi_Lynn]

I don't know why

After I write something I feel like I shouldn't change it no matter what it seems like it's lacking. IT just doesn't feel right. I'd rather start over than rewrite anything. It's just one of my quirks. But I do appreciate your comments. Thank You