doormouse
Seductively Sweet
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2004
- Posts
- 4,407
Yesterday I ran,
Today I stumble.
Yesterday I sang,
Today I just sigh.
Yesterday I understood,
Today I'll never know.
Yesterday I was loved,
Today I sit alone.
Yesterday love's embers shone,
Today I died.
I'm trying to use a form of repetition and growing, but I'm not sure about the placing of the last line.
Should I line it up with the other secondary lines, or would it lose its impact?
Edit: Also changing this:
Yesterday I was loved,
Today I sit alone.
To:
Yesterday I loved,
Today I sit alone.
Ideas? please
Damn it, it's not showing the shape I pasted it as.
Do I need to paste it as a file? I want the 'Today...' lines indented *sigh*
__________________
Ignore post in 'keep the review thread clean'
Today I stumble.
Yesterday I sang,
Today I just sigh.
Yesterday I understood,
Today I'll never know.
Yesterday I was loved,
Today I sit alone.
Yesterday love's embers shone,
Today I died.
I'm trying to use a form of repetition and growing, but I'm not sure about the placing of the last line.
Should I line it up with the other secondary lines, or would it lose its impact?
Edit: Also changing this:
Yesterday I was loved,
Today I sit alone.
To:
Yesterday I loved,
Today I sit alone.
Ideas? please
Damn it, it's not showing the shape I pasted it as.
Do I need to paste it as a file? I want the 'Today...' lines indented *sigh*
__________________
Ignore post in 'keep the review thread clean'