StrawberryPez
.....
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2002
- Posts
- 6,993
Stressed out today?
Cheer up!
Modern medicine has come up with some great
new stuff to make life easier.
________________________________
St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's
depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six
hours.
Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective suppository that
eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they
were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
Peptobimbo ... Liquid silicone for single women. Two
full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol ... When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
Flipitor .. Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics ... When administered to teenage girls, is
highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and
reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin ... Potent antiboyotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a
better person ... can we get naked now?"
Buyagra ... Injectable stimulant taken prior to
shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all ... When combined with
Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the
victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr.
Laura.
Jack Asspirin ... Relieves the headache caused by a man
who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Anti-talksident ... A spray carried in a purse or
wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories
with total strangers.
Sexcedrin ... Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More
effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a
headache," syndrome.
Ragamet ... When administered to a husband, provides
the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife
the time and trouble of doing it herself.
Men-Gay ... A rub-in ointment that enables single women
to identify who to cross off the dating pool.
Cheer up!
Modern medicine has come up with some great
new stuff to make life easier.
________________________________
St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's
depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six
hours.
Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective suppository that
eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they
were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
Peptobimbo ... Liquid silicone for single women. Two
full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol ... When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
Flipitor .. Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics ... When administered to teenage girls, is
highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and
reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin ... Potent antiboyotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a
better person ... can we get naked now?"
Buyagra ... Injectable stimulant taken prior to
shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all ... When combined with
Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the
victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr.
Laura.
Jack Asspirin ... Relieves the headache caused by a man
who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Anti-talksident ... A spray carried in a purse or
wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories
with total strangers.
Sexcedrin ... Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More
effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a
headache," syndrome.
Ragamet ... When administered to a husband, provides
the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife
the time and trouble of doing it herself.
Men-Gay ... A rub-in ointment that enables single women
to identify who to cross off the dating pool.
