New master, requesting suggestions!!

[new_one]

I'm kind of a rookie to the bdsm lifestyle, so I'm in need of a few little tips.

My gf and I have been experimenting with an s/m relationship, and we've found that we both enjoy it. A lot. However, since she's also new to it, she needs some....how to say....obedience training. I on the other hand, am not really sure how to proceed with this. It is a good idea, but I just can't seem to think of anything specific that would be able to satisfy this role. Please help!!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'm kind of a rookie to the bdsm lifestyle, so I'm in need of a few little tips.

My gf and I have been experimenting with (1) an s/m relationship, and we've found that we both enjoy it. A lot. However, since she's also new to it, she needs some....how to say....(2) obedience training. I on the other hand, am not really sure how to proceed with this. It is a good idea, but I just can't seem to think of anything specific that would be able to satisfy this role. Please help!!

(1) Your thread title says "New master," but S/m = Sadism/masochism. Do you mean M/s, Master/slave?

(2) "Obedience training" implies that the conclusion halfway drawn above is correct. Before you try to train her to obedience to your rules/ways of doing things, wouldn't it perhaps be a good idea for you to know what those rules/ways *are,* so that you can explain/enumerate them to her, so she in turn has an opportunity to show you whether she is obedient or not?

Okay, both of those are just a *wee* bit snarky. The fact is, though, that you're trying to leap into the deep end of the (whirl)pool before you've learned how to swim. There's a damn good chance one or both of you will drown. You (both) need to do a LOT of research into the BDSM culture and learn something about living or playing (24/7, bedroom only, some point between) within it before you actually try to do so.

I heartily recommend that, as beginning steps, you both

• click upon this link for the BDSM Library, and read any thread or topic that seems to pique your interest(s);
• find a good BDSM checklist and fill it out, comparing and contrasting your responses (Stella or someone probably has some favorites to recommend - I haven't done one of these in over a decade, so I'm a little out of the loop on them);
• Discuss and negotiate what each of you individually, and both of you as a couple want, need and expect from your relationship, both in the vanilla world, and in however much of your life as you choose to immerse yourselves in the BDSM culture;
• Join Fetlife, either as a couple or individuals or both, find a local BDSM group or three and begin attending munches, demos, conventions, etc., including play parties, if any of them have play parties that allow non-participating attendees, so you can see the interactions between the people in those relationships.

These are just *opening steps* in learning enough about the BDSM culture to begin your journey. Good luck, and please feel free to ask specific questions as you dip your toes a little deeper into the pool.

 

[loneranger8921]

I suggest short periods of time with giving her specific task to do like no panties when going over to her folks house for supper.
Flavoring your favorite beer bottle with her pussy juice and serve it to you...
Wear high heels only on a day off. When she is dressed to go with you tell her to change what she is wearing you dont like the outfit and you do not want to ever see it again!! or else.
if she breaks these rule then ten spanks or immediate cock worship.

 

[new_one]

Sir Winston, yes I did mean M/s, sorry for the rookie mistake
But yes, we have talked about this, and we do have rules, boundaries, etc. The only problem is she doesn't really have the....discipline to follow through with obeying them sometimes. So I guess a better thing to ask for would be some disciplinary tactics to help with this.

 

[new_one]

I suggest short periods of time with giving her specific task to do like no panties when going over to her folks house for supper.
Flavoring your favorite beer bottle with her pussy juice and serve it to you...
Wear high heels only on a day off. When she is dressed to go with you tell her to change what she is wearing you dont like the outfit and you do not want to ever see it again!! or else.
if she breaks these rule then ten spanks or immediate cock worship.

Those all sound like good ideas, except she absolutely would love those punishments lol.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Sir Winston, yes I did mean M/s, sorry for the rookie mistake
But yes, we have talked about this, and we do have rules, boundaries, etc. The only problem is she doesn't really have the....discipline to follow through with obeying them sometimes. So I guess a better thing to ask for would be some disciplinary tactics to help with this.

Again, communication will be the key. You (plural) need to determine what constitutes undesirable behavior in your relationship, and what consequences would be most likely to quell or reduce that behavior.

For example, *you* (singular) might think that a dozen strokes with the cane, leaving welts and/or bruises on her bum would be a significant consequence to alter her behavior. However, if she's heavily weighted on the masochism end of the BDSM spectrum, that dozen strokes could (even *sub*consciously) equate to a reward, and thus end up being a positive reinforcement for that behavior.

A slave/submissive who falls into the maso end of the spectrum may, however, find journaling unacceptable behaviors, the reason(s) those behaviors occurred, and how s/he is going to avoid them in the future to be an excruciating consequence, and one that is effective in curtailing undesired behavior.

See why communication is important?

 

[DVS]

OK, I hope the OP doesn't take this too seriously, because I've seen this a LOT in the past. I've always been bothered by someone asking for suggestions like this. Sex is a very personal thing and I'd never want to use someone else's tactics or methods and call them mine. And, a submissive appreciates that her dom thought up his own little torments on his own, while thinking of what he wanted to do to her. I think there is something lacking, when someone needs suggestions.

I'll allow some of this, because it is possible to take someone's methods and change them to fit. But, if someone can't come up with anything of their own, there could be something else going on...or not going on.

It is a dom's job to read stories and find things they enjoy that could be used in their play, or better yet, changing something to work better for their situation. Also, our library and fetlife, as Sir Winston has suggested, would be a good way to find new ideas. Yes, it does take a little creativity, but that just goes with the job.

It's also a dom's job to know what's best in ropes, cuffs, positions and anything that could go wrong with all of these, not to forget the safe words and having the necessary equipment at the ready to quickly get their submissive loose, if it ever becomes necessary.

Ropes too tight and in positions too long can actually cause unnecessary pain, and damage joints and muscles. So, no offense to people who do ask for suggestions, it really bothers me when threads like this pop up. I hope they are also asking for safety tips, in case some of the suggestions go wrong.

OK, now that I've got that out of my system, carry on.