New Idea #256

[Sparky Kronkite]

New idea # 256 -

This morning... I'm tired of the endless news coverage of "just another gun shooting incident" - so I surf the tube - and I land on an early morning exercise program emanating from the New York gym chain - called Crunch.

I get an idea.

I'll develop a new profession!

BDSM (that's bondage, discipline, sado-masochism) training.

It's especially designed for those who really, really need it.

Aerobics instructors -
Effervescent cheerleaders -
Over bubbly women's group/church leaders -

You know the type -

It's essentially anyone who smiles all the time. You know, eyes always sparkly, walks with a hop, skip and jump, on the balls of their feet - and giggles too much.

I'd bring'em all down to earth - gag them first and then show'em some real pain. I'll take the twinkle out of their eyes.

I guess this is just the way gun shootings make me feel.

Of course I blame the TV and the evil media types for twisting my mind thusly. And the Marine Corps.

It's all their fault. Don't blame me.

 

[scylis]

new idea #257

how 'bout i kick your little fucking ass and see if that'll bring you down from your high pedistal of shit

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Doubt it...

Syphilis - drip... drip... drip...

 

[Ian1]

A Marine huh? That explains a lot.

 

[scylis]

could you please drip somewhere else? it's kinda disgusting..

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

US MARINES

Best uniforms: All of them. Sharp to, Marines don't were dungarees.
Toughest mascot: The Marine Corps' Bulldog. The Navy's got a goat.
Toughest tattoos: When the Navy gets tattoos they get Betty Boop, Mickey Mouse or some kind of sea serpent. Marines get USMC, the MC Bulldog or Death Before Dishonor.
Best war memorial: Iwo Jima.
Best fighting job: Marines invade, kick ass and then go home. The Navy is a limousine service for Marines and the Army occupies (a police force) after the Marines leave. The Air Farce? Well they're the Air Farce.
Best promotional ceremony: The Silent Drill platoon.
Best fighting knife: The Marine Ka-Bar.
Most exotic duty assignment: The White House.
Best phone number: 1-800-MARINES.
Toughest boot camp: Paris Island South Carolina.
Best motivational war cry: Ooh-rah!
Best emblem: Eagle, globe and anchor.
Best heads (bathrooms): Separate heads for enlisted and officers. Every other U.S. Military force, officers and enlisted, use the same pot.
Best and only congressionally song: The Marine Corps' Hymn.
Best and coolest aircraft: The Harrier, can take off vertically, only the Marines have them.
Oldest tradition: The Marines are older than the America itself established in 1775.
Oldest House: The Marine Corps' Commandant's house is the oldest occupied residence in Washington, D.C..
Tightest unity: Every single Marine, both men and women are trained riflemen.
Best attack methods: The Marine Air-Ground Task Force where Marines attack by land, by air and from the sea - simultaneously.
Efficiency: Marines do more with less and better than all the other armed services.
Best fighting style: Marines know how to use their bayonets. Army bayonets might as well be paper weights. In the Marines it's called a "fighting hole." In the Army it's called a "fox hole." Go figure. Foxes hide.
Best flying gunship: The AH-1W SuperCobra. Only for the Marines.
Best physical fitness: You never see fat Marines. You do in the other branches.
Best sniper rifle: .50 - effective range 2,500 feet.
Best security value for Americans tax dollars: 6 cents of every dollar spent on defense.
Best motto: Semper Fidelis, always faithful. It's Latin.
First in space: John Glenn, former Marine and now U.S. Senator.
Most prestigious helicopter squadron: HMX-1, the president's fleet.
Best and oldest recruiting station: Tun Tavern, Philadelphia - 1775, a bar no less.
Best beer named in its honor: Tun Tavern Beer.
Highest ranking active duty female in American: LtGen. Carol A. Mutter, USMC.

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

Re: Doubt it...

Syphilis - drip... drip... drip...

It's gonorrhea that gives you a drip, spark. Your retort should have involved chancres, condyloma lata, and tabes dorsalis.

Get your STD insults straight.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Thanks...

Been a while since 8th grade sex ed.

 

[scylis]

correction, Spanky..
the Brits had the Harrier before the Marines ever did..

second of all, just because you're a Marine doesn't mean i can't kick your ass... and just b/c you're a Marine doesn't mean you're entitled to my respect... you're still a shithead..

i think you needed more hazing..

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Ummm... (cowering)

That's Jar Head swabby.

 

[Ian1]

The Ah-1 shares the same engine and drive shaft as the UH-1 Huey. The AH-64 Apache is a ground up purpose built attack helicopter. In everyway it exceeds the preforance standards of the AH-1. And according to Army FM 7-8, the Infantry Manuel, it is a fighting position. Marine dress greens look like shit. And Marines are only a Corps, you couldn't hold a conflict for long without being relived by the Army, Ka Sahn is a fine example of the Army saving the "Corps" ass. The few, the proud, the dead on the beach. Army Delta, Special Froces, and Ranger Reg. all have the Barret .50 cal. sniper rifle. Marine are far too proud of far too little.


P.S. These are just a few of the things you were incorrect on, I have no intention of correcting you all night.

Carry on.

 

[Expertise]

Ian your right. However I always liked the Marines I met....up until now.

Sparky most of your points were valid (the Snake though!?) the uniforms and the Silent Drill are the best in any military anywhere. Though the "Life Guards" and the "Horse Guards" (I think) have some pretty spiffy uni's too.



[Edited by Expertise on 08-24-2000 at 06:23 AM]

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

The ARMY?

Ian? Bet you're some fat ass Doggie. Most Army should be court martialed for disgrace to the uniform - they're fat. Fact is Marines go in first because, to a man - they are better trained for the attack. Army always plays a custodial, clean-up role. Look at history.

 

[ShyGuy68]

Re: US MARINES

Best and coolest aircraft: The Harrier, can take off vertically, only the Marines have them.

Actually the English use it too, and probably several other countires. I don't know if it's the navy or air force, but after all it's developed by the English!!

First in space: John Glenn, former Marine and now U.S. Senator.

Wrong again. It was the russians that had the first man in space!! It was Yuri Gagarin on April 12th 1961. And if you're referring to Americans, it was Alan B. Shepard, Jr. that was the first American in space. And he was from the U.S Navy.

By the way isn't the marines a department of the U.S. Navy??

 

[Budman]

You're correct shyguy. The Marines are a part of the Navy. I served 13 years with the Marines out of a 27 yr Navy career. I must say that sparky (with his attitude)has made me ashamed that I served with the Marines. I am a retired Navy Hospital Corpsman.
Seems to me sparky that one of those raising that flag on Iwo wore the insignia of a Navy Corpsman. It's the NAVY that provides medical support to the USMC. It's the NAVY corpsman that willingly risks his life to treat your sorry ass when you take a round. I honestly think that if I were still on active duty, serving with the marines in battle, and you called "corpsman" I'd not hear you.
Give some thought to what other branches of the military provide Marines. Seems to me that the Marines were grateful to the USAF during viet-nam for their bombing runs. To the Army for assisting in med-evacs and gunship runs. Same with Desert Storm and every "modern" conflict we have been in. Altho I'm positive that the Marines could have ended Desert Storm quicker without the assistance and support of the other branches of the military.
Sorry for the long rant everyone.

 

[Guest]

Oldest tradition: The Marines are older than the America itself established in 1775.

Not the oldest Marine Corps then

The Royal Netherlands Marine Corps was established on 10 september 1665 on the initiative of Admiral Michiel de Ruyter and State-Councillor Johan de Witt. It is a part of the Royal Netherlands Navy that operates all over the world and whose operational area is where water meets land. The Corps’ motto, “Qua patet orbis” (“As far as the world extends”)attests to this.

Sorry to butt in, but couldn't resist

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Zip - Budman

Is what you really know of my attitude. For you to feel shame for any reason regarding these postings is rediculous. But that indicates the true squid that you are.

 

[Expertise]

BTW Spunky. To echo QPO Lt. bd the Royal Marines are older as well. And the toughest and craziest "regular" troops (they would consider the "regular" an insult) I ever ran across.

Watched one of them butt stroke an op-for troop who didn't want to play dead in an excercise in Norway. I would have been forced to charge one of my guys had they done that... his CO gave him a bottle of single malt.

 

[morgainefairy]

*speaking quietly so as not to get yelled at*
I think dungarees are sexy. yum.
Oh, and the navy carries the marines on their vessels.
Did anyone already say that? And that the Seals are WAY crazier than the Marines?

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Yeah, you know -

Even though I'm a proud former - doesn't mean that list is etched on my ass - I just pulled it off some Jar Head websight. I agree - there are tougher, more intensely trained forces out there - no doubt. Again - most folks really take this printed word shit more seriously than not - not much room for humor and no room for error. Jeesh!

My Senior got booted from the drill field when late one evening, practicing for drill comp - he got pissed and "column lefted" us about ten times in a row - all of us smashing like robots into one another. The new double butter bar - fresh from stateside (he never saw active in Nam) saw him from the window of his office. Next day he was gone. Got a new Senior Gunny that day - Gunny Hayes - fresh back from the bush - he helped field develop the portable flame weapon (pardon me don't recall the model number) a four tube hand-held missile deal. He scored the first kill too. Rough dude - told us he had run over escaped prives with those big swamp buggies the run the perimeter of the island with.

Foreign Legion's supposed to be very bad too. What about that Israeli groups - what're they called?

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Yeah but -

Seals are crazier than most Marines but not necessarily Forced Recon.

 

[Guest]

Isreali Mosad.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Yeah -

The Mosad - sneaky mother fuckers they.

 

[Expertise]

No Mossad is their CIA/Intel/covert type guys. They don't have any Marine's as I recall (could be mistaken, had zero dealings with their military) they do have Special Forces/ Special Operations troops. I believe they have a rather long yiddish or hebrew name that escapes me right now.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

I guess -

Nearly every government must have some sort of troups who could be referred to as "special ops" in some way - bet the depth of training varies wildly of course - it ain't cheap to train those sorts. Every read Dick Marcinko's stuff?