New Guy...

[Lusthawk61]

Hello all...Lusthawk61 here and I am new to the site. Just published my first and am waiting to have the second approved.
I was really happy that I received some feedback about the story and one suggestion was to seek an editor.

I hope someone can help...sure would be grateful...
Here are the Particulars:

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-rose-27

Title: The Rose
Word count: 4431
Category: First time

Thanks
LH

 

[TheRedChamber]

What are you asking for? Do you want to edit the first story to correct the mistakes or are you looking for someone to check over the second story before it is approved? Usually editors will work on a story before it's published. The way Literotica works is that most views happen when the story is on the front page of its catagory which can last anywhere from a day to a week depending on how busy that catagory is. You might be better delaying your second story and having an editor look at that rather than trying to fix the first story now.

 

[Lusthawk61]

Hello RedChamber and thank you so much for your reply.
Please forgive me as I quite new to all this so I thought if I copy and paste what was said in a comment, maybe someone could help me make heads or tails of it.
I am just not sure what this person means...

" I liked the story for many of its elements - though it did leave some loose ends - but the writing was plagued from beginning to end with tense shifts, many of which were jarringly distracting when they occurred.
There were some other problems, but nothing that wouldn't be caught and cured by a good editor.
I believe that, with the help of a good editor (and every writer needs one) your writing could become outstanding."

The needing an editor part makes sense but the rest kinda goes over my head. I can't see anything but an upside to working with an editor and I would jump at the chance to.
I just want my stuff to be as good as possible right?...and right now I write by what sounds good when I read it - which is likely NOT the right way to do it.
In my work, I am a technical writer - so I am very used to having what I produce proof-read many times over
Anyway thanks again and I hope this helps

LH

 

[TheRedChamber]

The 'tense shifts' are where you move between present and past tenses in the same section.

The rain gently pattered against the sidewalk outside of Marie & Mario's coffee house as Joan stood in line to get her afternoon fix. With the drudgery of the day now over, it was her time at last - and she looked forward to it... Getting her favourite coffee and biscotti, she scans the area for a place to sit.

Here 'stood' is past tense and 'scans' is present tense. It's okay to write in either tense, but switching them is confusing. You do this with reported speach as well.

"You realize that we have to thoroughly plan this out right?" Murray proclaimed (past).

Taking a moment to consider the question, "Ya... you're right...any ideas?" Joan inquires (present) perplexed.

In terms of the other stuff an editor would catch, I'm not sure what the commenter has seen, but some things I noticed.

"We would have to make it seem like we were out of town - perhaps I could say I got some work that paid well because it was over the Christmas holiday?", he exclaimed.

Comma is not necesary as you already have punctuation inside.

"We will have to make up some story to everyone", Murray resolved. "If we are going to do this, we cannot have any interruptions or visitors of any kind".

Full stop should be inside the quotation marks.

Getting her favourite coffee and biscotti, she scans the area for a place to sit. Her eyes soon spot an empty space - not ideal but usable. Rolling her backpack off her shoulder, she sits down - politely smiling at the office girls nearby. Digging around in her backpack, she finds her paperback and attempts to revisit the novel's plot - but it is futile. With far too much noise and chatter going on in the place, she puts the book down.

You overuse the hyphen as punctuation - three times in four sentences here - for most of them a comma or no punctuation at all would work just as well.

Most modern editing guides recommend not using fancy reporting verbs - you've got 'implored','enquired','resolved','decreed','commands'. I don't mind it so much myself, but an editor would tell you to use said for most of them or leave them out all together.

 

[Lusthawk61]

Ah RedChamber...thank you SO much for the insight...can't tell ya how much I appreciate it!

I will be the first to say that when it comes to tenses and stuff like that, I am a mutt...lol

It was my first...I knew there would be things to change...so grateful for the help!

Hopefully I will get better at all this.

LH