New Guy Here

[AR_erotica]

Hey all. I'm fairly new. Trying to hone my skills and craft some hot stories. I'd like you opinions and comments on the below. It's my third submission and I feel is my best work so far. Please leave comments I'd love to know what you think.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=478764

 

[driphoney]

Have you read this yet? I found it to be very educational, and fun to read as well.

Good luck.

 

[sxwriter42]

Vacation Switch-a-roo

Hey all. I'm fairly new. Trying to hone my skills and craft some hot stories. I'd like you opinions and comments on the below. It's my third submission and I feel is my best work so far. Please leave comments I'd love to know what you think.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=478764

Heya AR,

I jumped over to take a look at your story.

First, the good stuff. I could really tell you 'felt' the scene as you were writing it.

I also think you've got some good descriptive language in terms of the sex.

In terms of things you could look at, I would working on making our discovery of the characters and the situation more organic. Some folks might find this a bit too simplistic, but something more along the lines of -
Hannah sipped on her third Margarita of the day and reached over and took Jim's hand.
"I can't believe we actually made this happen."

Like I say, that's a kind of simplistic example, but the more opportunities you can find to show us information as opposed to telling us information, the better.

Rather than overwhelm you with too many things, the other thing I'd look at is the introduction to swinging. It was just too abrupt and didn't feel natural for the couple's first time. I'd rather have had the other two couples already start swapping, or tie in the drinking more and have it happen as an evolution of a party sequence.

Keep writing. I'm glad you shared it with us and I think you have some nice things to bring to a place like Literotica.

 

[AR_erotica]

Great. Thanks for the info and the advice. I'll certainly incorporate those things into my next adventure.