New girlfriend orgasm issue

[pepsiman_607]

.....

 

[pureskills]

have u tried eating her out or giving here a vibrator

 

[red_rose]

Get her drunk.

 

[pepsiman_607]

ha - i thought that would do the trick too, she was annihalated and still kept thinking about it, she keeps "wanting to do it for me" and i cant get her head off it.

 

[red_rose]

ha - i thought that would do the trick too, she was annihalated and still kept thinking about it, she keeps "wanting to do it for me" and i cant get her head off it.

Hrm... that was the only thing that got me out of a two year long "slump" (I couldn't reach orgasm alone or with a partner for two years). About 7 gin and tonics looooosened me right up. lol

The only other thing I can think of - and this will sound bizarre - is getting her to fixate on something. It doesn't even have to be sexual. The one time I got off during those two years was masturbating while thinking of the freckle on the end of the nose of this guy I had the hots for. I know that sounds bizarre, but it kept me from thinking about cumming long enough to actually allow me an eentsy bitsy orgasm.

 

[southernsky]

tie her to the bed, tell her you're not giving up until she cums, and use Mr. GGG's try this and report back technique. search for the thread. Also some wine would probably help too.

 

[hiddenleaf]

she keeps "wanting to do it for me" and i cant get her head off it.

Just wondering where the idea that she needs to have an orgasm "for you" comes from... Is this just her notion of what she thinks you need, or have you in any way given her the impression that you aren't satisfied unless she comes? 'Cause if she wants one at all, it should be because she wants it for herself... Trying to come for somebody else's sake is a doomed endeavor...

Most women can learn to come most easily through masturbation. No performance anxiety, no distractions, nothing whatsoever to worry about except how her clit feels, and total control over the process of experimentation... Has she tried it that way?

 

[lumi]

I agree, doing it "for you" is a problem - which is related to thinking about it too much and just trying too damn hard to make it happen. First, explain to her that you want her to be able to have an orgasm for her, and that you are pleased to be with her whether she does or not (if you can't say that sincerely, then reconsider your involvement with her). Then try a glass or two of wine and a long relaxing all-over massage. When she's starting to melt, move on to oral sex. Be prepared to take your time.

One thing a lot of men don't realize is that a woman can derive tons of pleasure from sex without having an orgasm at all. It's not always a reflection on you, either - some women requre more clitoral stimulation, while others never learn to orgasm at all. She's still young, though, she'll probably get the hang of it after a while.

Suggest masturbation to her, but I would just bring it up once and then drop the subject, it'll only make her feel weird if you're quizzing her about her progress.

 

[ysbr]

I had a lover with the same 'problem'. Not that I have all the answers, but I and we tried everything, to no avail.
The only thing I noticed that was different with her, was that she really didn't like or get into masturbating. Her reasoning was that she tried, and nothing happened. I'm not sure if she was patient enough, comfortable enough...who knows.
I guess it comes down to this; she's not alone.

 

[Dribble]

Mr. Hitachi

If that wont work nothing will.

 

[Brainboyz]

Here's something to try: Set aside an evening to have a nice, romantic, candle light dinner for two. Keep it light and have a glass of wine (or two) with dinner. After dinner, sit her down for a back/shoulder rub with some massage oil. Once you've got her relaxed, start kissing her neck, shoulders, and jaw while you rub. From there you can either go for the more sensual massage or move to making out (or the best option: a combo of the two). In either case, once you've got her relaxed and bathing in your attention you have a pretty good chance to get her there if she's physically able to get there. Usually I go for the make out / sensual massage combo and kiss all over her body (and tease with kisses on the pelvis and inner thigh, without touching the vagina until I'm ready to stimulate it). I have yet to find a woman who wasn't dripping and begging to orgasm after that teasing seduction.

Remember that stress, emotional trauma, and other issues can all prevent orgasm: if you can take the mind and body off of those then you're probably good to go.

 

[lickwizard]

Make it all about her, and not so much about the orgasm. Make it about relaxing her. Take your time and massage, touch, explore her body , making a mental note of every part of her she reacts to. Sure parts of her are more receptive to your touch than others, but sex, passion, and orgasms come from the brain, Her mind is the biggest part of it....she should be breathing deeply and slowly, as in meditation. Get her to talk about what she is feeling, what she wants, encourage her to join you in giving her body pleasure......dont make an orgasm your goal, taking her to newer and newer heights of pleasure is the goal. Is she into visual stimullation? use erotic movies. Take her to a sex shop beforehand, see what catches her eye, a vibrator that curves to hit the G-spot while giving her oral works really well. Like the others have said though, relaxation is the key, "trying" to have an orgasm will in all likelihood keep her from having one. Get her to open her mind and let out the inner animal. good luck

 

[perfect_deb]

Get her drunk.

see now i was told that booze inhibits the chemicals in your brain that make you orgasm.......

although i am always at my horniest after a couple of drinks

 

[SweetErika]

I just recently started a relationship with a lady in her early 20s who has never had an orgasm before. I have never had a girl that had this issue before. I try and tell her to not think about it, but no go. Anyone have any ideas? i almost feel useless...haha

Be thankful she's being honest. A lot of women aren't honest about what or how long it takes to get there, and end up faking it as a result of pressure (from their partners, themselves, society, etc.).

Just about everyone has had a partner who's faked it at one point or another. IMO, your best bet for not getting that result with this woman is to tell her how much you appreciate her honesty, and your only goal is to make her feel as good as possible, whether the result is orgasm, or not. As others have said, you can gently suggest she explore her body on her own, with and without toys. Your main goal is to convey there's NO pressure.

Be prepared for it to take time (maybe a lot of time). After all, you said this was a new relationship; even those of us who know ourselves very well and have had countless orgasms often find we don't really start coming until we're very comfortable with our partners.

tie her to the bed, tell her you're not giving up until she cums, and use Mr. GGG's try this and report back technique. search for the thread. Also some wine would probably help too.

This would be a disaster with someone like me. I'm not comfortable being restrained by a newer partner, and I'd feel major pressure to perform, which totally kills it for me. On top of that, I need very specific, focused clitoral stimulation to come the first time, and Mr. GGG's technique doesn't work at all for me (I like a different type of g-spot stimulation).

That just goes to show that what may work for some most definitely will not for others. That's why any technique touted as a cure-all is a bunch of BS, IMO.

 

[M's girl]

deleted

 

[SweetErika]

With most women it is NOT a physical issue. Not Mr Hitachi nor Mr GGG will be able to do ANYTHING for her is she does not allow herself to let go. Trust me...

Very true.

Mr. Hitachi comes pretty damn close to a cure for most stimulation-related issues, though, IMO. Obviously it's not going to help if there's a medical problem, but I find it hard to NOT orgasm (provided there's no pressure) with the Hitachi, even when doing something completely non-sexual, like watching the news. The sheer number of women who have had their first orgasms with the help of the Hitachi Magic Wand tells me it's extremely effective.

 

[emptynester]

Do you ever sleep?

I have to laugh while I sit here and wait for mind to stop so I can go back to bed for a while.

SweetErika, I picture you with a computer beside your bed that gives off an audible sound every time there is a post.

It never shows that you are online but you always respond and it seems all through the night. I am awake at various times and it always amazes me how you are always ready with a response.

Your responses always make sense and you never seem to tire or despair. I want to know your secret.

 

[M's girl]

deleted

 

[SweetErika]

I have to laugh while I sit here and wait for mind to stop so I can go back to bed for a while.

SweetErika, I picture you with a computer beside your bed that gives off an audible sound every time there is a post.

It never shows that you are online but you always respond and it seems all through the night. I am awake at various times and it always amazes me how you are always ready with a response.

Your responses always make sense and you never seem to tire or despair. I want to know your secret.

Honestly?

I chose the 'Invisible' option so I'd stop getting PM's from a ton of random guys who saw me in the online list on the main page and are trying the shotgun approach.

I get instant email notification of replies to most of the threads I post to, and check my email frequently, so it's easy to respond to things.

I sleep from about 2am (+/- a couple of hours) to 9:45am most days, and I often read threads to fall asleep. Pain-related insomnia keeps me up all night sometimes, so that's why you see me on at odd hours.

Today I had a cup of coffee at 4pm and am waiting for the laundry to finish, so I'm not in bed as early as I'd like to be.

 

[emptynester]

Erika, you know I trust you and believe you and I must say, I have not tried the Magic Wand (because that's what you are referring to, right?) myself so who knows.

M, I have not tried the Hitachi either but a co-worker tells me the same thing as Erika. Her husband is a firefighter and is away some at night. She claims the Hitachi is her best friend. LOL

All I'm saying is: if it's true women (people) can be stimulated in a way that makes them lose all sense of reason it would have to mean that you could tie me down and make me cum, no matter if I wanted it or not. (Like with a Magic Wand?) I believe that is so not the case. Not with me anyway.

It is so much a mental thing. You have to be totally and I mean totally relaxed without a care in the world. It was so easy for me when I knew there was no chance anyone would be coming home. Now, I must admit, at times it is difficult. Where I never had a problem before, now I can mentally keep it from happening now matter how much I try to make it happen (if that makes any sense).

I definitely think it is true M that a woman can be stimulated in a way that they lose all sense of reason. It is an amazing feeling. Sometimes I get a little irritated with hubby when I am in my moment and he says something which requires a response from me. I am in my moment. Not now. Talk later but just keep doing what you are doing.

You have to be able to completely relax and let go of all inhibitions. If I can do it, I believe anyone can. I have always been one who had to be in control of myself at all times. At first I was a little embarrassed but I got over that fairly quickly.

I have no control once I am in my moment. My husband always laughs and says he knows when I am really enjoying myself because I begin to pray. LOL

 

[emptynester]

I chose the 'Invisible' option so I'd stop getting PM's from a ton of random guys who saw me in the online list on the main page and are trying the shotgun approach.

Pain-related insomnia keeps me up all night sometimes, so that's why you see me on at odd hours.

Ah, now I get it. I wasn't aware that could be done. I never even knew there was an online list. That explains why once I log in at times I immediately see a PM. I knew there had to be a way someone knew the moment you logged on but I never looked into it.

Sorry to hear that it is pain related. You seem way to young to be having problems with that already. Now when you get to be my age, everything knows pain at one time or another. LOL

Wandering off to bed now to see if I can catch a few ZZZ's before the alarm goes off.

 

[M's girl]

deleted

 

[SweetErika]

Erika, you know I trust you and believe you and I must say, I have not tried the Magic Wand (because that's what you are referring to, right?) myself so who knows.

I know, for myself, I have a hard time still letting go. There's a 1000 little things that fight for being the best reason all of the time and I work hard on making them all go away. But I also know I'm far from the only one who deals with this...
<snip>

Yes, the Magic Wand.

And, no, you're not the only one who gets distracted and has trouble. I'm actually very much the same way. I get distracted by having Hubby's bedside lamp on, FFS!

I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that someone or something could make me feel like that instantly if my mind was not with it. Almost like you have no say in the matter, you know? I guess it would be awesome, but it's as far from what I can imagine I can do as being able to fly myself or whatever. Do you know what I mean?

I don't think it's a matter of my mind not being in it, it's just that pure, very intense pleasure can allow me to work through a distraction like the news (but mostly when I'm by myself; having a partner there seems to be VERY distracting for me). I can get lost in it in spite of the distraction, if that makes any sense.

I don't think any toy is a cure for distraction or other mental issues, but having the right stimulation can certainly help me work through those issues. I'm often distracted by not having the right kind of stimulation, or even when it's perfect, I worry it's going to somehow change or stop, aborting my progress. (I don't have this problem alone, mind you.) A vibe doesn't fix that, but knowing I have a tool that does the right things physically helps dramatically because I don't have to worry about whether orgasm is possible or not. I KNOW it is, and it's just a matter of relaxing enough to get there.

I have seen these clips from, I think, the Howard Stern Show and this Sybian or Syberian thing? The horselike thing/chair that women sit on and then are stimulated by vibes? I just don't buy it. I could never go from no feelings to mounting a device and then getting off no matter how much I resisted.

Nope, I don't think that would work for me either. I think those women are often putting on a show, just like pornstars do.

I have to be in the right frame of mind for any kind of sex. Take the news thing, for example: I have to be really horny and work myself up in order to get off, or enjoy it even. Another example is using orgasms to relieve pain/headaches. Even though I might not be aroused mentally or physically when I start masturbating, I am in the right state of mind because I'm really looking forward to the pain relief. That fact alone usually allows me to slip into a fantasy and come, though it often takes a long time because I'm terribly distracted.

All I'm saying is: if it's true women (people) can be stimulated in a way that makes them lose all sense of reason it would have to mean that you could tie me down and make me cum, no matter if I wanted it or not. (Like with a Magic Wand?) I believe that is so not the case. Not with me anyway.

I do think there is such a thing as a purely physical orgasm (children can have orgasms without any intent to do so or stimulating thoughts, for instance), but that's generally not the case. People can, and do, have orgasms while being assaulted, but that's a purely physical response and says nothing about mental arousal or consent. Likewise, I think some can be stimulated in a certain way and come, even if their mind isn't in it at all.

That's not what I experience, though. While forced orgasms may make great fodder for fantasies, I don't think I'm capable of it in the least. Orgasm is too mental and emotional for me, and those components have to be there in some form (even if it's an obscure form). I have to be turned on mentally to some extent and want the orgasms - otherwise, I'd burn up the hitachi by running it way too long and have nothing to show for it in the end.

 

[M's girl]

deleted

 

[PertPerth]

I've only had one orgasm with someone else in the room - with my current BF. I find it quite stressful when he asks me to try to have one - because I feel like if I don't, then I've "failed".

There have been lots of suggestions - some things work for some people...some don't. For me :
- Alcohol? No
- Being tied up? Hell no!
- Vibrator? No
- Setting the mood with dinner/candles/massage? Meh, makes no difference
- Mr G's "Try This Method"? Just makes me want to pee!
- Masturbating? Yes, but not while being watched. I can't relax.

When it comes to being stimulated (hands or oral) the biggest issue is that I go from "yes yes yes" to "can you please stop now" in a very short amount of time. Usually it's because he's bored and changes what he's doing. Find out what she likes - and don't stop! It might be boring for you...not for her.