new girl here, hi!

[tinkerbell2]

Hi everyone,
First of all, this is the 2nd time I have posted the same thing. Don't know where the first one went, so if I am repeating myself, I apologize. I am a 47 year old woman, bi-curious I guess you would say. I've never been with a woman but really want to be but don't know how to go about it. I have been around gay bars and women whom I thought were interested in me, but nothing ever happens. I am not totally ugly either, just awkward. I live in Michigan, near Lansing. Anyone with any suggestions? I have tried joining some of the yahoo groups I've heard everyone talk about, but it seems you have change your user name for each one? Still working on that one. any way, ust wanted to say hi. =>
tinkerbell2

 

[Macy02]

Hi

Hi everyone,
First of all, this is the 2nd time I have posted the same thing. Don't know where the first one went, so if I am repeating myself, I apologize. I am a 47 year old woman, bi-curious I guess you would say. I've never been with a woman but really want to be but don't know how to go about it. I have been around gay bars and women whom I thought were interested in me, but nothing ever happens. I am not totally ugly either, just awkward. I live in Michigan, near Lansing. Anyone with any suggestions? I have tried joining some of the yahoo groups I've heard everyone talk about, but it seems you have change your user name for each one? Still working on that one. any way, ust wanted to say hi. =>
tinkerbell2

There is some good advice on this in the bimoms curious thread (i don't know exactly which one -somewhere around page 7) I think there are alot of curious women who are afraid to initiate (spelling?). For me it's several things, one I'm married and that is a whole set of issues by itself. The other is just plain fear of the unknown I think.

I do think sometimes it just takes being bold and risking a rejection. Wish I had more advice for you...maybe some other person will step up.....

 

[Macy02]

There is some good advice on this in the bimoms curious thread (i don't know exactly which one -somewhere around page 7) I think there are alot of curious women who are afraid to initiate (spelling?). For me it's several things, one I'm married and that is a whole set of issues by itself. The other is just plain fear of the unknown I think.

I do think sometimes it just takes being bold and risking a rejection. Wish I had more advice for you...maybe some other person will step up.....

I think the thread was in the glbt personals section.

 

[fae_bella]

I'm the same way. I'm 24 and married... but am very curious. I've had fantasies upon fantasies over the last few years, and have brought it up to my husband, who is totally ok with me being bi-curious. I just don't know what to do to confirm myself on if I truly am.
Someone I know seems to bring up things that make me believe that she too is curious- but I'm paranoid to say anything. If I'm wrong, I'm afraid I'll ruin my friendship with her.

 

[bidemoness226]

hi...

Hi, ladies. I'm in pretty much the same boat, though I've been with a woman once (aMAZing). I have a group at yahoo for discrete bi women... would love to have more members. And you shouldn't need a new ID... just be logged in under yours when you go to the group page.

(url removed, PM her for the link)

And if anyone wants to talk more, feel free to PM me.

~ Ani

 

[emap]

I'll let you in on a little secret, she is nervous to, doesn't matter where you are or who you are talking to, if she wants you she is afraid to talk about because what if you turn away in disgust, slap her and leave and so forth. I am pretty sure the exact same things going through your head goes through her's.

All you have to do is make it obvious you want her. Flirt with her, put your hand on her knee and move it up, however you want to do it, do it. I swear, she won't bite your head off, she won't walk away in disgust, the worst your going to get is a no sorry. Seriously, how bad is it to get told no? You hear it every day, but for some strange reason asking someone for sex and getting told no is the biggest slap in the face on the planet.

It's just like all those really stupid how to get laid guides that guys seem to buy in carloads, the only way to get any is to put it out there and see who bites.

Fae in your case, next time you talk to her and she mentions something along those lines, agree with her and/or tell her you wish you knew what it was like. Honestly, if she brings up sex with women she wants to, but is the same as you afraid to ask.

 

[M-Y-Erotica]

Step by step

Another thing to remember is that you don't have to go all the way from smiling friends to naked sweaty bodies in one conversation. What you are looking for, it seems, is some increased physical contact between the two of you. So one day try something that you haven't done before and that you don't usually do with friends. That could be holding hands, a kiss on the cheek, a kiss on the lips, a long massage with the shirt off with a kiss on her hair. It depends on how physical you already are with friends. And then leave it at that. If the partner likes a kiss on the hair, then maybe a kiss on the ear the next time. You get the idea.

Of course, you want to be talking. "How does this feel?" etc. But I do not think you need to sit her down and have a long discussion about your possible attraction to women and how she might be right for you and you just want to experiment and here are the rules. I mean, that might work. But I think holding her hand when you don't usually hold hands is just as good. It's also often a lot easier to back off from if she isn't interested. If a male friend of yours were to take your hand and you didn't want that, you'd probably find it a lot easier to go back to friendship than if he sat you down and told you of his fantasies for someone like you over the last three years. I know many women hold hands as friends. Some women crawl all over their friends' bodies. Some stay as far apart as straight men do. But seriously if a friend took your hand as you were sitting watching a movie, smiled into your eyes, and gave your fingers a nervous squeeze, wouldn't you get the point?

Finally, exploring with friends is good (understanding person you care for) and bad (you have something important to you that you could lose). If you just want the experience of physical contact with a woman, then you might try separating friendship from experimentation. Don't play with a friend the first time. Instead, go get picked up. Every medium size city has some lesbian scene that you can explore, even if it is a single club for women only that happens one Saturday night twice a month. But it is something. And remember again that you don't have to go to a lesbian bar and get your freak on the same night. Let someone who isn't dying of fright kiss you. Then go home. Do you want more? This may help you understand yourself.

Isn't it amazing how little we know of our own desires?

 

[Macy02]

I hadn't considered this option...

........... Instead, go get picked up. Every medium size city has some lesbian scene that you can explore, even if it is a single club for women only that happens one Saturday night twice a month. But it is something. And remember again that you don't have to go to a lesbian bar and get your freak on the same night. Let someone who isn't dying of fright kiss you. Then go home. Do you want more? This may help you understand yourself.

Isn't it amazing how little we know of our own desires?

This entire post is very interesting - but going and getting picked up was something I hadn't considered. I guess it goes back to being afraid of rejection. But the idea has merit.....


And yes it is very amazing how little we know.....