New Dom for me!

[SubmissiveDove5]

I found a new Master! I know it seems rather soon after Chris leaving me, but my new Master has said that we can be just friends for now and become more when I'm ready. He lives in the DC area, so I might have an easier time getting there. There's a lot of events and stuff for the blind, so I can always tell my parents that's why I'm going. I don't want to lie to them (hell, I don't make a good liar anyway), so I'll have to go to the function, but I will still get to meet him. He is older than me..much older than me, but I've always liked older men, and he's so different than Chris too.

Don't get me wrong, I still think about Chris and why he did what he did, but I guess it's lessened because of my new Master to be, lol.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Good grief !! If you are for real, haven't you heard about jumping from the fat into the fire? From your previous posts it seems that you have no sexual experience at all, let alone B & D. Wouldn't it be better to leave this for a while and make some real friends your own age so your parents don't have to order another dubious psych report?

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

That's true. I do have many friends, but they are all online and I've never met them. As far as real life friends go, well...I have a few, but even they mostly mostly only talk to me on the phone. I don't mean to wine, aand I know life is what you make of it, but my parents don't bring me places, and I'm scared to go somewhere I've never been before alone. I spend my entire day sitting in front of the computer wishing to be normal and go out. I guess that's why I seem to jump from one thing to another kind of randomly.I'm trying to find out about organizations I can get involved in out of state so that I can experience traveling without my parents, which might be impossible, but I know there's got to be something out there for me.

 

[MissTaken]

I am not sure where to begin, but I feel compelled to pop my two cents in here.

I am concerned about you, Dove. It appears that you are trying to fill many voids in your life and could find yourself hurt in the long run.

The attention of a man, Dom or not, can only take care of bits of what you need. The true love and respect, the real sense of self of belonging has to come from you.

Find hobbies or interests. Then find someone from your local church or human service agency who will help you to get involved in these things. Make friends outside of the home and outside of D/s so you can build yourself up. When you have done that, you will find you have more choices and you will make better choices.

Again, because I am concerned, it appears you have many issues to work through and have had a difficult time. Have you been to a counselor? Someone to help you heal before you try to be part of a couple?

I do hope this new "Master" becomes your friend, but have to say again, I am concerned.

Many hugs to you and best wishes,

MissT

 

[enigma nocturne]

Dove, I hate to be the voice of reason, and I probably should not try, cause I am terrible at following my own advice.

Please slow down.

You have just broken up with Chris, you are still hurt and it sounds like a little lonely. Must also be hard to be in the situation you are in with your eyesight and such. But no Dom is better than someone who may not have your best interests at heart. Keep the new guy at friendship level if you can, for a bit.

But if you do go on and meet him right away, do yourself a favor and have a safe call. (A safe call is someone you call midway through the date to say "yes, I am still alive and all is good." If something is wrong, you should have a code word to say, to slip into the conversation with your safe call. Also have one for later that night. You give alll details of where you are at and who you are with and tell the person, "if you have not heard from me by 9 am, call 911 and give them this.")

Please please be careful.

 

[Marquis]

Nonsense!

SubDove, hitchhike a ride to DC and do whatever the nice man says.

 

[MissTaken]

But no Dom is better than someone who may not have your best interests at heart. Keep the new guy at friendship level if you can, for a bit.



Please please be careful.

Loneliness is better than being hurt by being with the wrong man.

(It took me an awfully long time to learn this, but it is true. )

 

[MissTaken]

Nonsense!

SubDove, hitchhike a ride to DC and do whatever the nice man says.

Hitchhike to NY, Marquis and do whatever the not so nice lady says!

 

[enigma nocturne]

Gosh Miss T, you are sooo sexy when you get all tough and scary like..

 

[MissTaken]

Gosh Miss T, you are sooo sexy when you get all tough and scary like..

Then, you will love my new thread!

 

[Marquis]

Hitchhike to NY, Marquis and do whatever the not so nice lady says!

I'm done with the NYC. Tell whoever you're talking about to come down south and we'll see who outtops who.

 

[Netzach]

You guys go pee on the tree over there...

It sounds like a big part of the problem might be the fact that your "parents don't take you anywhere." While relying on them for taking you places is probably not the best gesture of independence, it's probably better than sitting around the way you describe.

Getting out more might lead you to a sense of being able to get out more on your own, and there ARE organizations/social services/nonprofits that can help you with that, that want to see you self sufficient, fully realized, and happy.

The BDSM subculture is a very accepting place, it's often home for a lot of people that don't fit well elsewhere or are made to feel like they are not sexual people, and sexuality IS important. But it's just one piece of a very large puzzle in life, as odd as it is for me to say that when it's such a big part of my life.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I am not sure where to begin, but I feel compelled to pop my two cents in here.

I am concerned about you, Dove. It appears that you are trying to fill many voids in your life and could find yourself hurt in the long run.

The attention of a man, Dom or not, can only take care of bits of what you need. The true love and respect, the real sense of self of belonging has to come from you.

Find hobbies or interests. Then find someone from your local church or human service agency who will help you to get involved in these things. Make friends outside of the home and outside of D/s so you can build yourself up. When you have done that, you will find you have more choices and you will make better choices.

Again, because I am concerned, it appears you have many issues to work through and have had a difficult time. Have you been to a counselor? Someone to help you heal before you try to be part of a couple?

I do hope this new "Master" becomes your friend, but have to say again, I am concerned.

Many hugs to you and best wishes,

MissT

Ditto... really big ol' DITTO.

Dove, I'm seeing more Danger Zones here than Don Henley could ever have imagined. Please, think twice about things. Actually, think a dozen times. Okay?

 

[WriterDom]

Instant connections are usually a roadway to disaster. Yes, I did have one that lasted 18 months, but many more disappointments.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Thank you, I will take it show. He has said that he will be my friend first, and I can't go if I don't have a seperate reason to go, like a function of some sort. I think that might make it a little more safe. As far as counseling goes, I've been to many counselors since I became so messed up ten years ago, but it seems like none of them knew how to handle me. My last counselor wanted me to join a local group that she thought would be a group of young people with vision loss. I found out it was a group of elderly people who were blind due to macular degeneration. I think the age difference alone would have made me feel like an outsider, not that I have a problem with elderly people. It was just that I don't have macular degeneration, I have a damaged retina. In any case, my last counselor discharged me because I didn't want to get involved with that particular group. I am going back to college in the fall, but I usually don't interact with other people in the class. They look at me like I'm an alien or something, at least that's how they looked at me when I could see. I doubt anything has changed. I wanted to join the church quire once, not that I'm all that religious, but I like to sing. My mother said I couldn't because rehersal happend to be on a night that she was working. It's kind of a no end situation I guess.

 

[shelleb4]

join a group for people with disordered personalities.
join anything that involves you not being dependant, ew i can feel the clambouring up the leg of a leach, sort it out!

If you want independance, go get some, dont wait for your bloody parents to give you a lift, get there yourself. Cant you ask the choir for a lift off someone. Umbilical chords are cut for a reason.

I suspect you will offer yourself as victim to the next Dom, and enjoy it till the bitter end, then crawl out of the gutter you were kicked to, to make the same mistake all over again.

May i suggest doing a search on all your posts, you will see a definitive pattern that doesnt take Seigmund Freud to decipher.

There is so much more to you than 24/7 victim. You deserve much better from yourself than you allow.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

join a group for people with disordered personalities.
join anything that involves you not being dependant, ew i can feel the clambouring up the leg of a leach, sort it out!

If you want independance, go get some, dont wait for your bloody parents to give you a lift, get there yourself. Cant you ask the choir for a lift off someone. Umbilical chords are cut for a reason.

I suspect you will offer yourself as victim to the next Dom, and enjoy it till the bitter end, then crawl out of the gutter you were kicked to, to make the same mistake all over again.

May i suggest doing a search on all your posts, you will see a definitive pattern that doesnt take Seigmund Freud to decipher.

There is so much more to you than 24/7 victim. You deserve much better from yourself than you allow.

Amen, Sistah!

No, seriously. Your no-nonsense approach is how I would have liked to handle this topic, and I applaud you for it.

SD, you sound a lot like me, when I first started in on D/S. I wandered from person to person seeking something, anything, that would validate me, and my desires. Except that my desires WEREN'T D/s, I just thought they were. I desired self-confidence, self-love, and self-acceptance. And ALL of those things MUST come from within. YOU must find them in yourself, and until you do, you will not find that person who will guide you. A submissive is a whole, strong person who, while offering themselves to someone else, must be independent and self-sufficient.

If I can make a suggestion for you, it would be to contact April_Wine on this board. Her girlfriend (who is also here, but whose username I can't remember for the life of me) is dealing with blindness as well, and from what I've learned speaking with them, is a whole, happy, functioning adult. Maybe talking to someone else in your age bracket would help that?

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

I know I always sound like a victim, and I hate it when I sound that way. And I know that all I do is complain, and I wine and bitch about everything. I'm sorry about all that. I have been diagnosed with five of the ten personality disorders, and just to say which ones they are, borderline, histrionic (I am quite a flirt), avoidant, dependent and obsessive compulsive (I am a perfectionist as far as myself goes) personality disorders. I do have transportation available, but if I don't know how to get around somewhere, I'm too scared to go on my own. Plus, my parents don't let me go out somewhere unfamiliar to me if I don't have someone with me, which I don't. Yes, my life is boring and depressing, and I know there's things I can do to change it, but I just don't know how. It's kind of like being trapped with no way out.

I have been working on a few things. For the past three years I have been trying to get a job. I am very smart and think I can do great with some sort of office position. So far though, every employer I have spoken to has told me I'm not qualified because I have no prior experience. To this I say "how am I supposed to gain experience if I'm not given an opportunity to gain the experience?" I just think that if I'm capable of contributing to the working community, then there's no reason why I can't. Not to mention, there are a lot of people who are a lot worse off than me and are in much more need for money from the Government than I am (I hate living off of everyone else's taxes).

The other thing I've been trying to do is get some sort of degree, except I'm not sure what it is I want. I've changed majors four times in seven years. Now I'm changing schools as well. Because of my anxiety, I can barely handle one class a semester, so I have quite a few incompletes. It would take me over ten years to earn a degree at this rate, and I just get so bored after a while.

I will contact April Wine when I get a chance, which probably will be anytime seeing I have nothing else to do. Thanks for giving me her screen name

 

[Xelebes]

Don't worry. It's just breaking the patterns.

I too have this very problem. I am avoidant, dependent and possibly schizotypical, but officially I have Anxiety Syndrome. I too live a boring life, jobless because of various issues.

Worrying about degrees, my suggestion is pick one, and stick with it. For me, I still don't know if I want to take accounting, music or pure mathematics, but I am going to take accounting just because it simplifies things for me. See? If you want the others, get the first one, then get the second one later on.

I guess the first step to overcoming these faults is to stop listening to the nagging in your head. Do not let the negative thoughts into your head. If you can recognise negative thoughts from positive thoughts, stop the negative thoughts.

As vixen said, the first path to breaking this barrier is to walk right through it. The barrier isn't there.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Good advice

I love Psychology, and even though I know I sound like the one who needs a Psychologist (I probably do), I love helping other people with their problems. I'm thinking that I might be able to stick with Psych because of the fact that I enjoy it. You should have seen all the programs I've been in; General Studies, Social Work/Drug Adiction, Office Automation and now this. So far I've stuck with Office Automation the longest, but I can't continue with it because of the vision problem. I know earning a degree with as many obstacles as I have is possible, I guess I just don't have the support I need at school. I know a few times, I had a panic attack right in the class room because we werer assigned research paper projects, lol

The only thing I have to say about the situation with the new Master is that at least he's not saying stuff like "I love you" or "when we have children." So far he's been a friend, and yes, we do talk about sexual matters, but I think the fact that I have no expectations for undying love helps. I mean, after we meet and get to know each other, if we both feel that way, great! I do admit that Chris is rather immature for telling me all that from the beginning, and it does sound like he has insecurities. I guess I can honestly say that I don't hold any bad feelings for him, and if we can stay friends, that's great. If not, I guess it's his loss.

 

[Xelebes]

Yeah, research papers give me panic attacks. That's why I am taking accounting at NAIT (a vocational school for trades). No research papers, just simply learn the stuff and learn to take on the workload.

And I would identify Chris' problem as not so much a problem of immaturity, but a matter of inexperience in dealing with romantic relationships, especially with someone as dependent as you.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Yes, that's sounds right. Perhaps it's because of everything he's got going on in this life too. He works ten hours a day and then goes directly to school until 10:30 at night. By that time, he wants to go to sleep, which I don't blame him.

 

[Marquis]

Ahhh, dependent women. The staple of manipulative predators like myself.

 

[NCShin]

Here is a bit that I haven't seen posted yet.

Firstly, I don't know any guy, dom or otherwise, who wants to meet a woman from online "to be friends" it just isn't the way a man's mind works.

To meet someone to be friends basicly takes the pressure off of you both. If he meets you and thinks you're ugly, then you can be friends for a bit till he can get rid of you. If you meet and he thinks you're hot then he "want" to fuck you.

On the flip side of that, if you meet him and he's an ass and don't want to fuck him, he can play it off as you just met "to be friends" if you do fuck him, then refer to above.

What is stated above doesn't mean things CAN'T work out, just so you're aware of what is really going on.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Yes, I am aware that sex is probably the most important thing on his mind. I spoke to him on the phone last night, and he said a lot of stuff in regards to sex. I guess what I like is that sex is not the only thing he wants to talk about. We've talked about stuff we both like, music, politics, languages, and he seems to really want to be friends as well as lover/master or whatever.