catastrophe
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2003
- Posts
- 407
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new author looking for feedback
- Thread starter catastrophe
- Start date
Hello, Catastrophe. I read your story, Blue Hair Fantasy. While some people might complain that it's not a story at all, just descriptive sex, I still enjoyed it. You went into a lot of detail without getting into cliches. It made me aroused and thats the reason I read erotic fiction. I'm a new author here myself, so good luck.
geraldf
geraldf
dr_mabeuse
seduce the mind
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2002
- Posts
- 11,528
I read "Blue Hair Fantasy" as well.
You write well, and I think you have a gift for the telling detail that says more than it says. The line about his room feeling different when she was in it, her hand clutching the sheet. We need a lot more of that. A lot more.
Otherwise the writing tends to give us a list of things that they do. There is some imagery and some description, but not enough. That drains it of any sensuality, and makes the sex seem strangely cold and distant, no matter how good you tell us it was.
To my mind a good sex scene has to be sensuous. It has to appeal to the senses. You give us some things--the feel of his hair on her skin, for instance--but I'd like to see a lot more of this. I want to know what they're feeling, not just what they're doing.
When I first read it I thought the meeting and the sex was just too good to be true. I know you weren't trying to write a masterpiece here, just a description of a nice idealized sexual encounter, but the sex did seem to ignore the fact that this was an initial encounter. There is a special drama and excitement to a first encounter that wasn't exploited at all, but I think you knew that and just chose not to deal with it.
It's funny, but in another thread we were discussing plot vs style and whether the sexual act is dramatic enough in itself to be considered a story, or whether some conflict is necessary. Well here we have a story with no obvious conflict, and while the sex is nice, it does lack that kind of passion that makes erotica really hot.
You did a good job with this. I look forward to seeing the stuff you wrote for yourself to see how it differs.
---dr.M.
You write well, and I think you have a gift for the telling detail that says more than it says. The line about his room feeling different when she was in it, her hand clutching the sheet. We need a lot more of that. A lot more.
Otherwise the writing tends to give us a list of things that they do. There is some imagery and some description, but not enough. That drains it of any sensuality, and makes the sex seem strangely cold and distant, no matter how good you tell us it was.
To my mind a good sex scene has to be sensuous. It has to appeal to the senses. You give us some things--the feel of his hair on her skin, for instance--but I'd like to see a lot more of this. I want to know what they're feeling, not just what they're doing.
When I first read it I thought the meeting and the sex was just too good to be true. I know you weren't trying to write a masterpiece here, just a description of a nice idealized sexual encounter, but the sex did seem to ignore the fact that this was an initial encounter. There is a special drama and excitement to a first encounter that wasn't exploited at all, but I think you knew that and just chose not to deal with it.
It's funny, but in another thread we were discussing plot vs style and whether the sexual act is dramatic enough in itself to be considered a story, or whether some conflict is necessary. Well here we have a story with no obvious conflict, and while the sex is nice, it does lack that kind of passion that makes erotica really hot.
You did a good job with this. I look forward to seeing the stuff you wrote for yourself to see how it differs.
---dr.M.
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