New as a submissive

[littlegirllostx]

I am new as a submissive and I told my boyfriend about some of the things I have been thinking about lately. He was pretty open minded about it..(Not what I expected. I thought he'd think I was wierd). He actually seemed to like the idea alot of me being submissive to him. But Im not sure he knows what to do with himself now as he is new to the whole Idea too. Does anyone have any tips..or any sites that we can read..or maybe books?

 

[greenmands]

Try these: They're a couple of replys to my thread about books.
Depends I imagine why you are reading. My Library consists of the obvious,the good and the downright ugly (The Beauty Series ~ A.N.Roquelaure aka Anne Rice) even the fiction I consider reference books in regards to Ds and BDSM.I will give a few examples:

Some Classics

Story of O~ Pauline Reage
Juliette~ Marquis de Sade
Little Birds~ Anais Nin
Venus in Furs~ Leopold von Sacher-Masoch
Beauty Trilogy~ A.N.Roquelaure( spits ....hated these)

There are also books much more to my liking that while complimentary do in fact fall outside of your criteria

The Perfumed Garden~ Cheikh Nefzaoui
Tantra~ Arvind & Shanta Kale
The Handmaid's Tale~ Margaret Atwood
A History of Sex~ Simone de Beauvoir

Ohhh then we have our classic crap but imminently funny pulp fiction examples

Darline Dominant~ Tania de Alanis
Spacewars Satana Enslaved~ John Cleve
*******************************************************************************************************************
Evil_Geoff
Really Experienced

Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Columbia, SC
Posts: 295
The Topping Book and The Bottom Book can be found at Greenery Press
http://www.greenerypress.com

Depending on your orientation and inclination I recommend the following (in no particular order except as they occur to me):
Also at Greenery Press -
Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual by Christina Abernathy
Partners in Power by Jack Rinella
The Loving Dominant by John Warren
Safe, Sane Consentual and Fun by John Warren

At Daedelus Publishing - http://www.daedaluspublishing.com/ :
SlaveCraft by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin
The Ties That Bind by Guy Baldwin
The Master's Manual by Jack Rinella
The Compleat Slave by Jack Rinella
Leatherfolk edited by Mark Thompson
Leathersex by Joseph Bean

From Uncle Abdul - http://www.uncleabdul.com/UAweb22.htm
JUICE--Electricity for Pleasure and Pain by Uncle Abdul

From Cleis Press - http://www.cleispress.com/authors.php
Public Sex by Pat Califia
Sensous Magic by Patrick Califia
Speaking Sex to Power by Patrick Califia

Also from Gloria Brame - http://www.gloriabrame.com (her website links to http://www.amazon.com for the book)
Different Loving by Gloria Brame, William Bram and Jon Jacobs

If you like erotic fiction - from Mystic Rose Books - http://www.mysticrose.com
The Marketplace Series by Laura Antoniou

I could go on, but I think that's enough BDSM/kinky reading to keep any pervert busy and happy for quite a while! *evil grin* If you lived nearby, I'd even think about letting you borrow some of mine...

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I am new as a submissive and I told my boyfriend about some of the things I have been thinking about lately. He was pretty open minded about it..(Not what I expected. I thought he'd think I was wierd). He actually seemed to like the idea alot of me being submissive to him. But Im not sure he knows what to do with himself now as he is new to the whole Idea too. Does anyone have any tips..or any sites that we can read..or maybe books?

Well congratulate yourself for starters for being brave/intuitive/intelligent enough to recognise in yourself a submissive 'nature' and then honest enough to speak to your boyfriend about this. There as many types of submissives as there are dominants , stay grounded as you work out how that is reflected in you . More important stay honest. 'Submissive' is a nice little title I guess but at the same time I wish there was a 'cure' at times........smiles

Do you consider yourself only sexually submissive ? Does it extend past that ? The answers are not always immediate and you will probably read alot that you feel does not readily relate to you. Never fear, that does not make you less of anything. You will at times read things and sit back and embrace the revelation and comfort in the context that other drives/ideas expressed in Literature fall within a realm you do in fact relate to. Remember its not a contest , its about embracing a personal reality and living well with in that.

Your boyfriend may 'like the idea alot of me being submissive to him' , with all due respect to him , most men do, unless they themselves identify with being submissive or on occasion you will get the odd one that will 'intellectualise' that its demeaning and a breach of women's rights etc.( I actually in my 20 odd years experience find myself empowered but that's a discussion for a whole other day) .This does not necessarily make him a Dominant though who knows, that's his journey , that you will no doubt lovingly share.......... Once again perhaps his area of 'dominance' is purely within a sexual realm and easily embraced by you both. You have two responsibilities here the first one to yourself within the context of submission , the next in the relationship you share.

Much of the Literature noted above can be extremely useful ( I think I contributed the first half of the list , Evil Geoff the second half) having said that when ever I speak with people exploring the possibility of their submissive nature I suggest a very old fashioned site that has a solid background in core information regarding D/s Lifestyle and the myriad of alternatives . Irrespective of how you contend with labeling yourself be it Lifestyle , role play, sexual or other its still an excellent starting point.

www.castlerealm.com

There are many other sites that also have exceptional resources (least with these sites you can get reviews of literature before you spend the cash)

www.cuffs.com (the home of D/s kiosk)
www.leathernroses.com
www.submissivewomanspeak.net

To Link to other online resources you really can't go past (in my humble opinion, someone else may offer different advise)

www.dungeonnet.com

One of my personal favorite sites is www.gloria-brame.com . She called it ' an eclectic site for literate adults'. I just love it, full of treasures for me personally. She is also the Author of 'Different Loving' a book recommended by Evil Geoff in the list above.

Anyway there are enough articles, resources and Libraries at these sites to keep you verrrrrrrrrrrrry busy for awhile. I wish you the best of luck on your personal journey.

Kind regards

@}-}rebecca----

 

[greenmands]

( I think I contributed the first half of the list , Evil Geoff the second half)

@}-}rebecca----[/QUOTE]
Yes you did.

 

[littlegirllostx]

Thanks

Thank you for all the help and the abundance of referances I'm going to be pretty busy.

 

[Marquis]

If I may give a word of advice, having seen this scenario more than a few times in the past.

I don't think you researching and organizing everything for him is going to necessarily have the effect you hope it might. Nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings and even pointing him in the right direction, but now is the time to use that feminine mystique.

If topping from the bottom takes the edge out of your fantasies, you can believe bottoming from the top will take the edge out of his.

 

[babiesmiles]

Hello littlegirlostx,

first of all welcome on lit .

We all have been new and I think we all still are new everyday, cause the awareness of "who" you are and of your consequential needs , desires and choices is a path of continue growth not an arrival point.

Everyone of us , even the most experienced "lifestylers" (OMG I hate that word but it's late so forgive me....lol ) among us , everyday have the challenge and the bliss to measure themselves with something fresh and new which strechtes limits and boundaries .

Take your time , read , think , write down your thoughts, talk with your partner/s live fully and you will have your reward .

I am new as well , an year or so , but the way I have made in this relatively short time made me grow , like submissive of course, but mainly like woman and mainly as person .

I am aware so I am stronger in all facets of my life , not only in the D/s side but even in my job and everyday relations .

It's not always simple , it's never easy if you look deep in yourself and if you mean it not only like a spice bedroom play but as a coherent new way of life but it's an extraordinary tool of knowledge and you are lucky you've been able to give a definite name to your inner feelings in a young age .... ( more time to be kinky )

Enjoy it ...live it ... communicate about it and all will be fine .

It's the only tip i can give you , but it comes from my soul and skin .
cheers b.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

If I may give a word of advice, having seen this scenario more than a few times in the past.

I don't think you researching and organizing everything for him is going to necessarily have the effect you hope it might. Nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings and even pointing him in the right direction, but now is the time to use that feminine mystique.

If topping from the bottom takes the edge out of your fantasies, you can believe bottoming from the top will take the edge out of his.

~amen~

 

[amasterfound]

try this site...... http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/TPE/tpe_vs_d_s.htm
and this one..... http://www.castlerealm.com/tours.shtml

 

[amasterfound]

For stories and they also have a forum and an academy try this site......http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/

 

[littlegirllostx]

If I may give a word of advice, having seen this scenario more than a few times in the past.

I don't think you researching and organizing everything for him is going to necessarily have the effect you hope it might. Nothing wrong with being honest about your feelings and even pointing him in the right direction, but now is the time to use that feminine mystique.

If topping from the bottom takes the edge out of your fantasies, you can believe bottoming from the top will take the edge out of his.

First off Im not sure exactly what you mean by "If topping from the bottom...." Could you explain it more?

 

[Marquis]

First off Im not sure exactly what you mean by "If topping from the bottom...." Could you explain it more?

I'll let one of my TAs take this one. Check back with me if you have any specific questions.

 

[Kajira Callista]

First off Im not sure exactly what you mean by "If topping from the bottom...." Could you explain it more?

it means you are calling the shots when he should be according to you explaination of your relationship. him being the dom = top you being the sub = bottom
I do agree with Marquis on this one btw.

 

[littlegirllostx]

Oh I see. That does make sense. I never thought it would be that complicated. I think I am just going to continue to read into it myself for fun but not try to push anything on him.

I want to keep trying to please him though. For me its not just a sexual thing. My parents think I let him control me..which I do..but they say it like its a bad thing. He cares about me alot and all of the things he asks me not to do are because he loves me and he wants me to be smart. I trust him fully because he has never given me a reason not to.

 

[chris9]

Oh I see. That does make sense. I never thought it would be that complicated. I think I am just going to continue to read into it myself for fun but not try to push anything on him.

Maybe you can still send him links of sites you found interesting. Or at least ask him if he liked you to forward information to him when you find it.
And it might be interesting for both of you to make a list of things you would or would not like to do, hard limits, soft limits, preferences, what you really want to try out... Do it again some months (or weeks) later. Then you both have to think what each wants, and the other knows what can be expected.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Oh I see. That does make sense. I never thought it would be that complicated. I think I am just going to continue to read into it myself for fun but not try to push anything on him.

I want to keep trying to please him though. For me its not just a sexual thing. My parents think I let him control me..which I do..but they say it like its a bad thing. He cares about me alot and all of the things he asks me not to do are because he loves me and he wants me to be smart. I trust him fully because he has never given me a reason not to.

YAY for you littlegirllosttx .........smiles.........it can be complicated the 'Community' has developed much in house jargon over the years as I said earlier 'its not a contest , its about embracing a personal reality and living well with in that' . I note you say you' let him control you' and' you keep trying to please him' . Sounds like you are making choices to give him this power over you. Not a bad thing at all in the context of D/s PE consensual relationships (Dominance/submission ......Power Exchange). You say you 'trust him fully because he has never given you a reason not to' that's a step in the right direction as well. Keep in mind however that all these exchanges also can exist within 'vanilla' (here we go again...laughs.....non PE D/s ) relationships as well. He has obviously earned your trust , is pleasing him enough for you? What does he bring to the exchange that enhances your life encourages your growth and well being. Playing Devil's advocate here its impossible to straight out discredit your parents concerns . So at the end of this note I am going to add a link to 'signs of abuse '. Its simply there if you choose to read it and also to reconfirm that BDSM is not abuse. Please I ask you not to consider that a slur against him that I have. I just believe its important that submissives/woman in general are always empowered to make the best possibly choices for themselves irrespective of how much they choose to relegate to others in their lives. The pathetic, lost ,ill educated, abused , fall on the floor doormat submissive is a poor stereotype I have never encouraged. Sure vulnerability is charming, naivety can be sweet, innocence adorable if these things are a part of whom you naturally are to some degree then welcome to the club, though I would never expect anyone to take a particular character trait that makes them vulnerable and put it at the forefront of their own existence.I really am wishing you well in this Journey. Its a tough call to embrace being submissive initially in itself at times let alone being in a pre existing partnership and trying to explore whether its full potential in the context of D/s PE can be reconciled. Sooooooooo.............smiles........take care littlegirllosttx, love and have fun ohhh and a Merry Christmas to you and yours should I not reply on this thread again *winks.

with affection

@}-}rebecca------



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