new and trying erotic poetry

[CrowSingsOver]

I love to write poetry but I haven't been able to open up enough to write anything really erotic. This is a poem I wrote a few minutes ago. It rhymes, unlike most I write, tell me how it sounds.
A woman I know inspired me to be myself and not to freak out about not being sure about my own sexuality, this is for her.

Making You

Could you explore me deeper, dear?
I'm flaming hot to meet you here.
Anything to make you mine,
Tell me baby, what's your sign?
Make me yours and yours alone,
I want to scream I want to moan.
Make me come make me explode,
You already have me in your hold.
I want to feel you skin to skin,
Come on baby, let me in.
Let me touch you deep inside,
Where your red hot passions hide.
I'll make you feel just like a queen,
Show you things you've never seen.
Just take me in your arms tonight,
I promise dear I will not fight.
I'll make you if you'll make me,
We'll see how sweet this life can be.

 

[Rybka]

My Opinon

If Hallmark wanted "X" rated cards, you might have a market. Otherwise it is nothing new. Literotica is full of such drivel. - No offence meant. Keep on writing. It is very hard to write an erotic poem worth reading. - I don't even try.

Regards,                             Rybka

 

[darkmaas]

Welcome

Dearest Crow

Can we call you Crow?

Welcome to the poets corner. You have been blessed with a review by our favourite codpiece. His bark is worse than...oh sorry that's karmadog. Anyway don't take him too seriously except that he's sometimes right.

He's jaded. I suspect that you intended a bit of tongue in cheek with this. Take the poem and work even "deeper". Cheek is good but it needs something more profound to sustain it. Maybe something in her voice as a counterpoint. See Angeline ... she's sweet and a good antidote.

Oh I see she's already had at another of your poems.

Twice blessed.

darkmaas

P.S. Godfish dearest. Your inbox is full and I have a question for you.

 

[Angeline]

The Crow and I

See Angeline ... she's sweet and a good antidote.

have met in pm world, sat like two birds on a wire--you know about them, I'm sure--and bonded over things that fly and things that swim and it's all ok, really.

thank you for the kind words.

 

[Cuntrygyrl]

Well Crow, I think you should keep writing if you enjoy it. I've learned to write for myself, as you can tell if you have read any of the things I've submitted. If it makes me smile, then hey, it was worth my time, if it makes someone else smile too, then all the better... http://digitalblasphemer1.netfirms.com/emots/1book.gif