New Adventure, New Thread (M)

[Cthulhu1138]

I have worked out every day for the past week.

Each day I awake with a sore, stiff back and the regret that I did not get to bed as early as I wanted the night before.

It may take a bit to get moving, but I run 3 miles and then do more cardio, or stretching, or weights.

As I have written before, I am hopefully building smart, healthy habits.

Perhaps some day there will be a day with fatigue or aches.

It was definitely not today.

 

[Cthulhu1138]

Intent

When I began this thread I was pissed off; it was meant to be my little pocket of Lit where I could showcase my anger and resentment, as well as 'deep' thoughts and 'artistic' photos.

I strove for over a year to keep myself on page one with my pics and my words.

A little over a year on, and I am no longer interested in sharing my rage just for views or comments.

The initial source of my anger now fills me with sadness and regret.

I appreciate everyone who has been supportive and encouraging here or in PM's.

Thank you for kindness and your comments.

I think that the best thing for me, the healthiest thing, is to work to find balance and peace.



[I originally named my photos after the English name of the pose, and in as I was thinking what to write regarding them I remembered a time when, as a child, I was part of some acting class and had the line 'Look! I can stand on my head!' I am not sure if the director's vision involved a boy who actually could stand on his head or I just sucked, because I was replaced. Sometimes it seems like I am still striving for attention in unhealthy and unsuccessful ways.]

 

[talikat]

Those ^^^^ are very nice artistic photos!

I hope you find peace within yourself, it's not easy, but worth it when you find it!!

 

[MadameSarcasm]

Balance is good. But sometimes it's fun to be unbalanced!

 

[Cthulhu1138]

Those ^^^^ are very nice artistic photos!

I hope you find peace within yourself, it's not easy, but worth it when you find it!!

Thank you, as ever, my kind, beautiful z supportive friend

Balance is good. But sometimes it's fun to be unbalanced!

Balance has never been a strength for me, physiologically or mentally.

I am doing my best to improve that

 

[Cthulhu1138]

Pictures from a farm

 

[Cthulhu1138]

Thank you for checking in, thank you for your compliment my friend.

 

[Cthulhu1138]

 

[Cthulhu1138]

A different kind of essential



I wrote this entry back in February, when the land was still brown and frozen and my father was in the hospital.

I am back in Green Bay, with any luck for the last time, waiting for another procedure for my father.

I keep hearing about 'self care' and how I need to make sure that I look after myself.

It makes me think about all the people who still have to work because of the nature of their work, and my own views on what makes work 'essential.'


An open letter to "Elektra"

My dear sweet and beautiful Electra, thank you very much for keeping me company before a long drive home to a house in the middle of nowhere all alone. You were everything I had hoped to find when I walked in the door. On the long drive which is becoming shorter and shorter the more I do it, the radio played "Ramble On" and I could not help but think of the tattoo on your beautiful calf. And I was reminded of how you ran your hands along my calf and thigh and squeezing. I have to imagine that that was something that we shared and that you appreciated the strength that I have worked hard to build.

The weight of your body on me and the smell of your perfume still lingers in my mind. It was an absolute joy to hold you and I enjoyed my time with you more than you probably realize. Before I close my eyes and fall asleep tonight I promise that you will be in my thoughts.

 

[MadameSarcasm]

How's your June going, sweet Lovecraft beast? Your harem misses you!

 

[Cthulhu1138]

How's your June going, sweet Lovecraft beast?

June has flown by, and may end on a positive note.

We will see if all my prayers to the dark great being of fate and my careful planning yield the results I hope

Your harem misses you!

speaking of imaginary creatures....

 

[Cthulhu1138]

Victoria amat curam

There was talk of a sleepover, of the beautiful young girl helping me plan and sort and organize an escape route for my father from a farmhouse in the country to a reasonable location for a man his age.

To get a jump start on the rummage sale, she said.

But maybe she wants what I want, what I crave and silently, fruitlessly, plan...

To fall asleep in a spent, sated heap beside her, after holding her close and feeling her body yield to me. To hear her soft sighs as I tug her hair and bite her neck, while I hungrily take the pleasure and release that I have sought for so long.

I want to kiss her.

Softly, deeply, for hours.

I want to hold her in this room and let everything around us fade.

Sometimes, when I am lucky, when I can steal a glance from her marble blue eyes, I see a glimmer of hope, of sharing and knowing.

 

[Cthulhu1138]

MacraMay I


I had a dream the other night about someone I used to know. I thought I knew.

In mmy dream I got to enact a fantasy that I've had for quite some time. One that involved her and one of my own dark fetishes.

In my dream I was able to strip her naked and bind her. Bind her using rough jute rope, not the soft, silky nylon favored so much by people and not smooth elegant, sophisticated rope work like shibari but Marling hitches and daisy chains to strap her down, to splay her out and take my pleasure from her in the way that I have so desperately wanted for so long.

I know several very useful knots and use them on a day-to-day basis. I even got accused the other day at work of using rocket scientist knots. I long to put such skills to work on soft supple willing obedient to flesh

 

[vanmyers86]

Whereas I am sitting in my apartment thinking that MAYBE I should have sipped my cocktail (and second drink of 2020) rather than gulped it. But it tastes so heavenly... and I worked so hard to make it!

May all your dreams come true, you knotty boy!

 

[Cthulhu1138]

The things we carry
5 years
6 continents

In my pocket, every day, I carried a stone from a beach that kept me tied to a place, to two people who are gone and as connection to a new person with whom I would have happily built a new life.

But after five years that person is off on a different adventure, a different life that does not appear to include me.

I am angry.
I am sad.
I am confused and frustrated.

But still I will carry this as I carry all my memories, good and bad.


https://ibb.co/1tv87dff

 

[talikat]

The things we carry
5 years
6 continents

In my pocket, every day, I carried a stone from a beach that kept me tied to a place, to two people who are gone and as connection to a new person with whom I would have happily built a new life.

But after five years that person is off on a different adventure, a different life that does not appear to include me.

I am angry.
I am sad.
I am confused and frustrated.

But still I will carry this as I carry all my memories, good and bad.


https://ibb.co/1tv87dff

It's good to keep it as a reminder of the good parts!

 

[Cthulhu1138]

My (furry) little girl turned seven today.

https://ibb.co/GQ0X08x7


Despite a 12 hour day on the river, she got a pup cup and snuggles, and licks.



And kisses

https://ibb.co/GQ0X08x7

 

[talikat]

My (furry) little girl turned seven today.

https://ibb.co/GQ0X08x7


Despite a 12 hour day on the river, she got a pup cup and snuggles, and licks.



And kisses

https://ibb.co/GQ0X08x7

Awww!! Happy birthday!!

 

[Cthulhu1138]

There are few things as delightful and invigorating as the feel of warm sunlight on my skin.
This summer the sun has felt harsh and hot and overbearing. It is nice to have softer light come through the blinds.
https://ibb.co/8LKYRYjP

 

[talikat]

There are few things as delightful and invigorating as the feel of warm sunlight on my skin.
This summer the sun has felt harsh and hot and overbearing. It is nice to have softer light come through the blinds.
https://ibb.co/8LKYRYjP

Best of both worlds, sunlight on fur!

 

[Cthulhu1138]

Thank you my beautiful and creative TaliKat

 

[Cthulhu1138]

Balance
So many early nights trying to connect instead of spending time with colleagues
So many late night assuaging fears
So many diffusions of imagined slights
Endlessly unbalanced reactions to silence or the wrong choice of phrase.

And in their absence an ache, a confusion, a sadness.

But also without that weight there finally seems to be balance.

https://ibb.co/gZbd8fC6

https://ibb.co/BVCDrfZb

 

[talikat]

Balance
So many early nights trying to connect instead of spending time with colleagues
So many late night assuaging fears
So many diffusions of imagined slights
Endlessly unbalanced reactions to silence or the wrong choice of phrase.

And in their absence an ache, a confusion, a sadness.

But also without that weight there finally seems to be balance.

https://ibb.co/gZbd8fC6

https://ibb.co/BVCDrfZb

You definitely have some balance there, Cthulhu!

 

[Cthulhu1138]

Thank you sweet Tali ! It is a work in progress

 

[Cthulhu1138]

I got to "varnish" today.

It felt good so slide my hands along antique wood, to scrape away old finish and reveal healthy wood beneath decades of neglect.

I just need to remind myself that it is a work boat, and that I am leaving it better than I found it.

https://ibb.co/N2QfKRZK