Never did this before

[TheWritingGroup]

In my primary WIP (or one of my two, depending on my mood), I have a character who's calling a friend with news.

For the first time in my writing, I did a one-sided conversation, leaving the other person out of the dialogue completely. I know most of you have probably done it dozens of times, but it was surprisingly fun to just imply what Renee was saying.

 

[SyleusSnow]

This "calling" that you speak of... is it a little like texting?

I've only done it once with a phone call, but do it all the time when one character is texting. With both you can imply or misdirect. Yeah. it's fun.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Yes, they're lots of fun.

Taylor grinned, pulled her blouse close to her chest again, and pressed her beautifully manicured finger onto the screen to call Kate. I half heard the conversation, or heard half the conversation.

"Hey babe...

"Just finished a lovely lunch.

"With Adam.

"Adam, the guy from work who I told you about.

"Yes, that Adam.

"This and that. Work stuff mostly." She put her finger to her lips, sshhh, it's a lie. There was a long silence from her end, and she looked straight ahead as she listened.

"God no, Kate!

"I didn't!"

She looked across at me, her eyes narrowing. At that moment, I changed down a gear to slow for some lights, and the car made the characteristic burble from the exhaust that WRX's do. Kate must have heard it too.

"Blue.

"It's a blue car. I don't know." Taylor turned to me. "She wants to know what kind of a car this is."

I told her.

"It's a blue Subaru Rex.

"With a manual gear stick, yes.

"She's asking if she can drive it one day."

I nodded.

"He says you can.

"I don't know when. Can you even drive a manual?"

There was another long silence, in which presumably, Kate explained that yes she could, insisted that Taylor find out a good time for her to go for a drive, and what was the name of that painting of the picnic?

"Le Déjeuner sur l'herbe."

 

[dmallord]

My current story, “Five Rules for Yes,” uses a one-sided conversation from a single character’s perspective. This is a portion of that conversation:

Sara Anne stood up, fixin’ to do dishes, and stopped as Randy’s phone lit up on the table. It halted her mid-stride with a handful of dishes, the caller ID–Sue Ellen Willows.

“I ain’t talkin’,” she growled, “to her.”

“Somebody’s gotta,” Randy sputtered as he picked up and answered.

“Yep, she’s here. Found her sleepin’ on the back porch a bit ago.”

“Damned right, she’s pissed. At both of you and that gang last night, too.”

Randy listened in silence for some time, patiently letting Sue Ellen get her say in. He allowed time for her to vent. Gettin’ off steam, he found, always seemed to help the adult side creep back in when the venting was done.

Sara Anne was at the sink with dishes, watching the one-sided conversation. What the hell does that bitch have to say now? she thought, then jerked at her own word. Well. My mama. Would she be sorry? Really sorry? Or is she just gonna wriggle around and cover her own ass?

Fuck it. Don’t matter if she is. He ain’t giving me a damned clue, she thought, cutting her eye toward Randy as she washed and stacked dishes and pans in the dish drainer.

She shook her head and took in several deep breaths as she listened to Randy’s one-sided conversation with her mama.

“Beer can?” he asked to confirm, looking at Sara Anne with a frown.

Sara Anne turned, read his look, and shrugged. Yeah, there was a Shiner can. Maybe I didn’t mention that, Mr. Randy.

“No, I didn’t. She was a mess, and we haven’t had a good conversation yet. I got the Cliffs Notes version. Sounds like maybe Nico gave you his version, a different take.

“Yeah, there’s more to it than that, accordin’ to Sara Anne. Nico tell you about the girl in the pool?”

“I figured that he didn’t. Maybe he didn’t see it all, but Sara Anne did. Yeah, thought so. Seems the mayor’s daughter pulled a train in the water with all the guys.

“All. That’s what Sara says. Yes, everyone except Nico. You did him.”

 

[TheWritingGroup]

This "calling" that you speak of... is it a little like texting?

I've only done it once with a phone call, but do it all the time when one character is texting. With both you can imply or misdirect. Yeah. it's fun.

Technically, it's a Signal voice conversation. "Call" was generic.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I don't think it has come up in any of my stories, at least not for any length or a meaningful conversation. My characters tend to text though.
Although I'm working on a story set back in the 90s...so that is something to consider.

 

[dirk2024]

I just finished the first draft of a LW story that I will be submitting to the upcoming Music challenge. There is a lot of texting in the story, but for the first time, am doing the one sided phone call you several of you have. The soon to be ex-wife (she was caught cheating on her husband) has her thoughts interspersed as she's hearing her soon to be ex-husband respond to the caller.

‘Riiiinnnng-Riiinngg’

Her ears perked up at the sound of Bill’s cell phone, then Bill answered.

“Hello? Oh, hi Kim…yeah, nice to hear you too.”

‘It’s that bitch of a neighbor. What the fuck does she want with him?’

“The farmer’s market this Saturday? Sure…that sounds like fun. How about we meet out front at 8:00 AM that morning and we can drive together?”

‘That cunt is asking him out on a date!’

“Perfect. See you then, Kim.”

Silently, Maggie mockingly mouthed, “Perfect. See you then, cunt.”

She was suddenly jealous of someone “dating” her husband. Although, he was only still her husband in the eyes of the law. In matters of the heart, they were no longer “Man and Wife”.

 

[HectorBidon]

Overheard phone conversations are one-sided. They put the reader in the same situation as the eavesdropper in having to figure out what exactly is being communicated. I wrote one in a story using continued dialog formatting (a separate paragraph for each utterance). But since all the utterances were fairly short, it would have been better as a single paragraph:

Bring-aling-aling!
Bring-aling-aling!
"Hullo? . . . I forgot my key. I tried to call you. . . . At Hector's. . . . No! He was helping me with my project. . . . Yeah, finally. . . . It's too messed up. I'll have to do it myself. . . . That's OK. You can still come and watch. . . . OK. Bye."

 

[BobbyBrandt]

Yes, they're lots of fun.

Similarly, in my latest story, there are a few one-sided conversations. One example:

Marly said into the phone, “No, this is your favorite sister, Marly. I left my phone in the car, so I’m using Karly’s to call you.”

Lindsey and Janice covered their mouths when they saw Karly stick her tongue out at her sister. Marly ignored her and continued, “I know that you’re not busy because I checked with Connie before calling. She told me that you were just eating lunch at your desk, so there.”

The trio couldn’t hear what was said, but they did hear Marly counter, “Nice try, but I’ve seen you eat. You never bother to even taste your food.”

Another brief pause as something must have been said on the other end before Marly said, “Whatever. Listen, the reason for my call is to once more task your reptilian male brain with a question. If you ever found yourself in need of a divorce attorney, who would you select?”

Marly laughed at whatever the response was before continuing, “Yes, I know just how improbable that scenario would be, but it’s not as improbable as me asking you, ‘If you had a friend who needed a divorce attorney,’ because you have no friends. Well, none besides me and Karly, and we’re kinda forced to be your friends by blood.”

Lindsey was tempted to leave the table at the café where they were having lunch. She wasn’t certain that she would be able to resist laughing out loud much longer. She bit the inside of her mouth and continued listening.

“You ain’t ever kissing your nephew again with a mouth like that,” Marley teased. She then motioned for her sister to write something down on one of the napkins.

 

[StillStunned]

For the first time in my writing, I did a one-sided conversation, leaving the other person out of the dialogue completely. I know most of you have probably done it dozens of times, but it was surprisingly fun to just imply what Renee was saying.

I have a WIP that's entirely one side of the conversation. Based on Joyce Grenfell's nursery school stories. Of course mine is about a porn director trying to film a scene.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

@BobbyBrandt, I hate to mention it, but Marly turns into Marley at the end of that excerpt (otherwise flawless, of course).

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I do like one-sided conversations, especially when someone else is trying to make sense of them. E.g.:

Dan reads an email. He gives this sneaky smile and makes a phone call, saying nothing. Obviously, I stay in the room for a good ear-waggle.

I can't tell who he's speaking to. Some old friend, I guess, exchanging general pleasantries. Then Dan gets to the point. "I was hoping to have a wee sex party next weekend. Come over, Saturday."

This is a surprise to me. It's the day before Valentine's Day, when we normally stay in with a steak dinner. But y'know, hardly a bad surprise...

Dan ... gives me a knowing smile and explains to the mystery guy, "We christened a sex swing -- it fits in our lounge. And he wants to take six or so guys in a row. Including me, we only have five... The others, I think you'll like them. You up for it? Yeah, both of you. Oh, no worries! He'll love you! Yeah. He's sitting right by me, getting hard as fuck just thinking about two unknown Australians coming by to bugger his sweet arse senseless..."

What can I say? It's all true.

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't think I've done this. It raises interesting narrative issues. Under what circumstances does it make sense for the narrator to present only one side of a phone call? In ElectricBlue's and BobbyBrandt's examples, it makes sense because character or characters A are listening to a phone conversation had by B, so they naturally only hear what B says. But if the story is from the point of view of one of the speaker, or if it is omniscient, it's harder to understand why you would exclude the reader from hearing one side.

 

[XerXesXu]

or if it is omniscient, it's harder to understand why you would exclude the reader from hearing one side.

I've done it, because I can. Look up 'omniscient' in the dictionary.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

But if the story is from the point of view of one of the speaker, or if it is omniscient, it's harder to understand why you would exclude the reader from hearing one side.

Simple economy of words? If you can convey all the important info from just one side, you don't need to add the other side:

"A'right, our Jen? Grand, yeah." ... "Your birthday coming up. You going out, or what? Yeah, could come up for the weekend, I suppose. Yeah... about that... Why, what's Max's mom been saying? 'Kind of me to let her move in?' Ha!" ... "Background? No comment! Seriously, I had to move out or I'd have killed that bloody Gemma... I don't know where Max's brain's gone... his trousers, you're right. No, not a houseshare..." ..."OK, wench! I'd been kinda seeing this guy what lives downstairs from me, so he suggested moving into his spare room... No, you're right, I've never slept in it..." ... "Some months. His name's Adrian..."

 

[SimonDoom]

Simple economy of words? If you can convey all the important info from just one side, you don't need to add the other side:

"A'right, our Jen? Grand, yeah." ... "Your birthday coming up. You going out, or what? Yeah, could come up for the weekend, I suppose. Yeah... about that... Why, what's Max's mom been saying? 'Kind of me to let her move in?' Ha!" ... "Background? No comment! Seriously, I had to move out or I'd have killed that bloody Gemma... I don't know where Max's brain's gone... his trousers, you're right. No, not a houseshare..." ..."OK, wench! I'd been kinda seeing this guy what lives downstairs from me, so he suggested moving into his spare room... No, you're right, I've never slept in it..." ... "Some months. His name's Adrian..."

It says something about the author's concept of the omniscient narrator. In most cases, I prefer an omniscient narrator who is "fair" -- that is, one who fairly and completely narrates to the reader what the omniscient narrator would hear and see, rather than selectively presenting it. If it's selective, I feel like I'm being toyed with as a reader.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I was addressing your 'if the story is from the point of view of one of the speaker' point. But I think it also applies to omniscient narrators - as long as you aren't hiding important info from the reader, or it's made clear that there is a point that isn't being mentioned because the narrator is a git, then often you don't need to re-state the other side of the call.

Think of how many TV shows only show one side of a call. "Yes, Jeremy's my husband. He's dead?? Oh my god, how? You aren't sure? When? Last night? But I was with him until he left for work at 10pm! Oh, my goodness... Yes, of course a local cop can come take a statement..." What would we gain from hearing the other side?

 

[Duil2]

I don't think I've ever done this and if I have I can't remember when or why. I can see how it would work, however, either to help keep something a secret from reader and other characters for a while or just because the one side of the conversation reveals enough.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

I don't think I've done this. It raises interesting narrative issues. Under what circumstances does it make sense for the narrator to present only one side of a phone call? In ElectricBlue's and BobbyBrandt's examples, it makes sense because character or characters A are listening to a phone conversation had by B, so they naturally only hear what B says. But if the story is from the point of view of one of the speaker, or if it is omniscient, it's harder to understand why you would exclude the reader from hearing one side.

I'm going for a sort of cinematic thing, watching Rowena walking around in a parking lot (she's on break from work) talking to someone, as if we were a person getting out of a car.

Admittedly, I jump right back into her head in the next scene.

It says something about the author's concept of the omniscient narrator. In most cases, I prefer an omniscient narrator who is "fair" -- that is, one who fairly and completely narrates to the reader what the omniscient narrator would hear and see, rather than selectively presenting it. If it's selective, I feel like I'm being toyed with as a reader.

My narrator is not omniscient. This story is in close third person.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I'm going for a sort of cinematic thing, watching Rowena walking around in a parking lot (she's on break from work) talking to someone, as if we were a person getting out of a car.

Admittedly, I jump right back into her head in the next scene.

That's Simon's point - it's an author's indulgence if you only do it for effect, without the narrative justification.

My narrator is not omniscient. This story is in close third person.

That's fine, but if you're in close to Rowena, it makes no sense to step back momentarily from her knowing both sides of the conversation. Which of course, she does.

I'm not sure you can get cinematically cute if you're in close third. You've either got her complete point of view or you don't. If you're in the head of another observer and that's already been established, the one-sided conversation works, but if you're not, then really you've got an unreliable omniscient narrator, who's picking and choosing what the reader gets to see.

 

[SimonDoom]

That's Simon's point - it's an author's indulgence if you only do it for effect, without the narrative justification.

That's the way I see it.

I'm not going to tell people they absolutely shouldn't do it.

But when I read stories, I notice things like this, and I want to feel that there is a narrative justification and that the author isn't simply using "special effects" on me. UNLESS, I've been primed before that the author's style is to do this sort of thing for effect.

If you are writing a story in a close third person/free indirect style, then you, the reader, know everything the POV character knows.

I can imagine a situation where the omission of the other party's words on the phone could be used by the narrator to convey that the POV character is impatient and doesn't want to bother by fully registering the other party's words. So, it COULD work.

 

[XerXesXu]

I write in 3PO - the full tool set. I narrate one side only of a phone call when one side only is required to move the story. Every character has SOs in their life, some of whom may be mentioned but do not speak. When a character phones such an SO, what they say, how they say it, and that they phoned may be important. What the SO says in reply may be irrelevant. Omit the reply, it's unnecessary verbiage.

 

[SkyBubble]

In my primary WIP (or one of my two, depending on my mood), I have a character who's calling a friend with news.

For the first time in my writing, I did a one-sided conversation, leaving the other person out of the dialogue completely. I know most of you have probably done it dozens of times, but it was surprisingly fun to just imply what Renee was saying.

Bob Newhart was a master of that.