Needs Met?

[SinfulSailor]

(snip)

I can kind of see this because, certainly in my grandparents day, people worked through and made the best of marriage. Exceptions were in the vast minority. This was by no means always a good thing but people were more dedicated to marriage and a stable environment for kids than they are these days. Also, it was post war and people had more appreciation for things. Everything they had was something that had been fought for. There’s a lot to be said for having genuine appreciation and gratitude for what you’ve got.

(snip)
I think people do expect more from marriage and are quicker to walk away from a marriage if they feel their needs aren’t being met. I also think that some people confuse the natural ebb and flow of passion in a marriage as ‘falling out of love’ and jump ship because their life is no longer like the last scene in a chick flick. People are less likely to gamble with their time and stick around to see of things improve. There is also far less stigma to leaving a marriage now and people are less afraid of being on their own or that they might not meet someone else.

I think VelvetDarkness has pretty well hit the nail on the head.

It seems to me that it is most often the case that "truth", "right", "wisdom" and so on lies somewhere between the extremes. I think that is probably the way of it on this topic. While it is obviously true that not all relationships can stand the test of time, I think it is just as obvious that with a higher level of commitment many, many more relationships could survive and flourish through the long run.

 

[ecstaticsub]

My husband is my soulmate. We have known each other since we were 16. We started dating at 18. Literally it was love at first kiss. After the first date I knew I wanted to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. It was not lust, it was that unexplainable chemical attraction. I just knew he was the on. I found out two weeks later that he thought the same way. We set our wedding date for 4 years in the future when we both would be finished with college. We did get married then. now, 22 years later we are still soulmates.

He is not into BDSM at all, so in that way that need of mine was not met by him. But we have this honest secure marriage where he is comfortable allowing me to fall in love with someone else who can meet this need in me.

So really my husband has met all my needs--just with a little help from another.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think as in previous discussions throughout the years I have been here and before, what requires defining is 'needs'. Needs and wants are 2 different things and what I see most defining as needs are really wants. I also see a fairly common assumption in today's world that all wants should be indulged otherwise life is not pleasant or acceptable. I personally see that often on a par with the 3 year old in the toy store kicking and screaming on the floor if their parent/s won't buy them everything in the store they believe they 'need' to be happy.

They are not needs, they are wants, often 'in the moment' wants, and I am not a great believer we need to have every want indulged to live a happy life...just we have grown into a greed oriented, egocentric society which thrives on this 'must have' thought mentality and if people they love are hurt in the process, too bad...what counts is that they get everything they want, when they want, and then be just as free to cast aside when it is no longer amusing or wanted. Sometimes life is about accepting we can't have everything we can desire, nor can we expect those we love and who love us to suck it up as if nothing else mattered but our own self indulgent wants. Just my 2 cents worth.

Catalina