needing some objective insights on dating

[Xectxny19X]

Here's the story, & I hope it doesn't bore anyone to death before I get to my issue.

I went to Pride this year meaning to spend time w/ a certain girl I like ALONE! There's a big emphasis on the alone. Seriously, I couldn't make it at the time, but I was running around work all day & worked an over-nighter the day before Pride. So I could at least get there before it's over.

When the parade was over, I went to look for her where she said she'd be waiting. Turns out she was at Pride w/ another girl. I was about a block away when I saw this, & so I had time to be REALLY UPSET but keep my composure by the time I reached the two. I was upset, but I befriended the other girl, b/c it's not her fault. I was more upset w/ the girl I like for not telling me we were having company. Anyway, I proceeded to ignore her(the girl I like) or respond to her questions indifferently while giving all my attention to this other girl & some other girls we met along the way. The whole time the girl I liked never left my side. There were a lot of girls there, but she'd stay by me. It's a really long-detailed story, but that's the gist of it!

I was also sick that day but made the effort to spend Pride w/ her. Seriously, am I over-reacting? If you were in my position, what would you have done & what would you do now?

Please help me w/ whatever insights or constructive criticism you have! Thanks ahead of time!

 

[human_male]

Did you talk to the girl you like about the other girl? Maybe she was just a friend who she bumped into and they decided to stick together for a bit. Y'know, maybe it wasn't planned. You don't want to shoot yourself in the foot by acting too snotty and driving the girl you like away. Just talk to her about it. Tell her you wanted to spend some time alone with her and see what she says.

Best of luck.

 

[Xectxny19X]

I know. I know. I do have a feeling I'm over-reacting.

Well, while I was b/wn them walking, I asked the other girl who planned the get together. She did confirm that the girl I liked did all the planning. So I just teased her(the girl I like), "oh! You're planning things now! I'm so proud of you!" It's just that I paid lots more attention to the other girls. At the same time, I was still nice & polite w/ the girl I liked but very indifferent about it.

I think I made it clear to her that I wanted to get together w/ her alone, b/c I had asked her if she had made any plans w/ anyone else that day. She had said "no." She had a week to mention things may have changed. So I suggested I'd go meet her at the parade, & we'll do something together afterwards.

While I was upset inside but seemingly all smiles on the outside & chattery w/ the other girls, she was really quiet which I was wondering about. Later on in the week, she told me she was sick that day as well. So I felt really bad about that.

Anyway, while I was talking to the other girls, I did learn that she apparently spends more time w/ any of them than she does w/ me. So I'm not sure what to think of that.

Thanks very much for your input! I think I may really like her, & any of my logical reasoning is out the window right now. That's why I'm asking you all, b/c you'll probably see it more from an objective stance.

 

[human_male]

I know. I know. I do have a feeling I'm over-reacting.

Well, while I was b/wn them walking, I asked the other girl who planned the get together. She did confirm that the girl I liked did all the planning. So I just teased her(the girl I like), "oh! You're planning things now! I'm so proud of you!" It's just that I paid lots more attention to the other girls. At the same time, I was still nice & polite w/ the girl I liked but very indifferent about it.

I think I made it clear to her that I wanted to get together w/ her alone, b/c I had asked her if she had made any plans w/ anyone else that day. She had said "no." She had a week to mention things may have changed. So I suggested I'd go meet her at the parade, & we'll do something together afterwards.

While I was upset inside but seemingly all smiles on the outside & chattery w/ the other girls, she was really quiet which I was wondering about. Later on in the week, she told me she was sick that day as well. So I felt really bad about that.

Anyway, while I was talking to the other girls, I did learn that she apparently spends more time w/ any of them than she does w/ me. So I'm not sure what to think of that.

Thanks very much for your input! I think I may really like her, & any of my logical reasoning is out the window right now. That's why I'm asking you all, b/c you'll probably see it more from an objective stance.

Well from what you say there she made plans with you, then went ahead and made plans with someone else. And she knew you wanted to be alone with her. That correct? Well, that's hurtful in any situation let alone concerning someone you really like. How well do you know her, are you dating? If not then I'd think about dropping it, but that's just me because I'd take exception to being treated like that.

I think you handled the situation well, certainly as well as could be expected seeing as how you were shocked and hurt. Have you spoken to her since? What do you think you want to do, do you want to see her again? I think you'd be perfectly justified going either way... giving it another go or dropping it.

 

[Xectxny19X]

Thanks for your response to my confused self. Much appreciated!

We've talked of & on since but haven't met up due to conflicting schedules. The first talk was initiated by her wondering if I was upset, & that she didn't mean to upset me if she did. I just told her I wasn't feeling well that day at all & was really tired from work. When I said that, I was still upset & didn't want my emotions to burst out anger at her or anything if I was just over-reacting. I'm not sure how she took that explanation, b/c I was chattery & smiley w/ other people that day. She knows I usually make the effort to be friendly w/ someone who is new to the group. Before then, I did mention to her that I wasn't feeling well about a week earlier.

My friends tell me that she may have been nervous to be alone w/ me which is probable. Though we have been alone before, & that was around 3 times I think? She didn't seem nervous to me. If more people told me I was over-reacting versus making some sense, I would probably want to be w/ her more. I actually like her so much that I was *wishing* more people would just tell me I was over-reacting.

Yes. I do want to see her & be around her, b/c I do like her. Yet, her actions just really hurt. I may just have to let her go. I'm not sure yet. Hopefully, it's not just my ego making the decision, b/c liking someone should be devoid of the 'ego' or 'I.' That's my opinion anyway. I've never hesitated to let anyone go who even slightly did something like that which tells me I must really like her since I'm thinking this through.

That's enough of me babbling! Thanks again for listening & giving me some insight!!!! *hugs!*

 

[Tymeless]

Xect hun you need to talk to her and let her know how you feel only then can you 2 move forward or apart. If she knows you like her and want to spend sometime alone together she might make a better effort at it but if you stay bottled up she isn't gonna know and your gonna blow up at some point and you'll never have your chance! just ask her out alone emphasize the alone and then go from there!

 

[Xectxny19X]

Tymeless! Hi! I've always appreciated responses from you. You probably don't remember me though!

*sigh* I did ask her out around 2 weeks afterwards, but she already had plans w/ a friend. Afterwards, I had to travel out of the area. So we haven't seen each other since then, & communication has been very scarce. It truly took a lot out of me to ask her out again after what had happened.

Telling her how I feel -- I was always unsure about what her level of interest in me is & there really doesn't seem to be any signs that she likes me romantically at all at this point.

Thanks for allowing me to vent. Just another case(& this is my first case by the way) of unrequited love I guess?

 

[Tymeless]

i would never forget a great girl like you xect. if you ever wanna talk you can catch me her on yahoo msn or aim. i'd love to talk with you sometime if you wouldn't mind talking with a mtf to be! If you can't bring yourself to tell her how you feel then it may be time to cut your loses. I feel that if you can't put yourself out there and let someone know how you feel then your better off just being friends no matter how painful that may be at times.

If she was right for you you would know it and thier would be no struggling thoughts.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever path you take on this issue and i truely hope to hear from you soon if you would like to chat pm me or let me know here and i'll pm you back.

*Hugs and Kisses*

Tiffany

 

[sxxyblueyes]

I know I am a lil late in responding but.. I think I would have felt similar to what you felt. I can understand how you felt a little hurt and upset because you were expecting to spend some alone time with her and were suprised that someone else was joining the two of you. I would have been a little put off but that's just me. I can take things way personally and allow things to hurt me more than they actually should.
Have you asked her out again since you posted the original message?
It's so hard to meet decent girls so when you do meet someone you connect with and actually like, it's a little hard to just let it go. At least thats the way it is for me.
Hope things work out for you!

 

[Never]

Xectxny19X:
"If you were in my position, what would you have done & what would you do now?"

Well, I would have immediately assumed that a girl I like couldn't spend five minutes chatting with another woman without them planning to go panty diving later. Therefore, I'd treat the woman I "liked" like shit while never asking her what was going on.

In addition, I wouldn't tell the woman I liked that I liked her but I'd be angry that she acted as though we weren't in a committed relationship. After all, she *forced* me to go to a Gay Pride Parade. As she's a mind reader, she knows I didn't go cause I wanted to...

Word to the wise: Call her up. Say that you were feeling overwhelmed that day and realize now that you didn't pay her as much attention as you should have. Thank her for inviting you. Tell her you'd like to take her to dinner to show your appreciation and try to lavish her with attention when you're there.

 

[Xectxny19X]

*ouch!* ok. I deserved that.

I did ask her out 2 weeks later to make up, but she already had plans. So I haven't talked to her since, b/c we've been busy w/ internships, school starting up plus work.

hm...well.

 

[Xectxny19X]

It's so hard to meet decent girls so when you do meet someone you connect with and actually like, it's a little hard to just let it go. At least thats the way it is for me.
Hope things work out for you!

Hey you... Thanks for those words -- I really needed to read something like that. Although I may have been irrational, it's nice to know someone knows how it may feel.

 

[Tymeless]

i hope it works out in the end for you xectxny if not i'll be holding hope that you find your someone you deserve it for sure!

 

[Xectxny19X]

Tymeless -- You better find someone who deserves you before I do! I'm needing a role model couple to learn all things lovey-dovey from.

 

[RavenousRae]

Tymeless -- You better find someone who deserves you before I do! I'm needing a role model couple to learn all things lovey-dovey from.

Sometimes I enjoy seeing those couples too but then they can also make me sad that I haven't been able to find that. Finding that special person to connect with is difficult but when you do it's worth all you went through to find that person - right?! Good luck!

 

[Tymeless]

well if there is a girl out there that would like to go through the experience of changing from man and watch me grow as a woman i'm more then willing to give them a try! xect you deserve someone great and i'd be knocking at your doorstep right now if you allowed it. I know i deserve someone great thats why i refuse to settle whoever lands me lands the best of both worlds and they better be ready for that!

 

[sxxyblueyes]

Hey you... Thanks for those words -- I really needed to read something like that. Although I may have been irrational, it's nice to know someone knows how it may feel.

Anytime! If you ever need to talk or just vent- feel free to IM or email me. You can PM me for that info. I can't say that I will be an endless source of advice but I sure can listen (read) and offer up somethin!

 

[playwithlezli]

ok well ofter the fact-but

ya got nothing to lose at this point,

phone her and ask her when she is available for you to take her out on a date, restaurant (or activity) of her choice.

no guessing, no games, remember you gotta be in it to win it! Good luck

 

[SophiaY]

ya got nothing to lose at this point,

phone her and ask her when she is available for you to take her out on a date, restaurant (or activity) of her choice.

no guessing, no games, remember you gotta be in it to win it! Good luck

Amen, no guts, no glory (or as the case may be, no Gloria -- laughter)

 

[Xectxny19X]

hehe hm...

Thanks you all! Everyone has been really sweet! *hugs!*

 

[Tymeless]

went to pm this to you darling but it won't even allow me to reply back so figured i'd post it here!

your far from insane darling i'm quite drawn to you! i hope i do find someone but its gonna be hard being born a man but being a woman lots of lesbians will never consider me a woman or a true lesbian. and I can't move forward in finding relationships till i can afford to start my hormone treatments grrrr! i hope you find someone but if you don't hit me up sometime I'll make it worth your while *giggles*! if you ever feel like chatting. on yahoo stmacsall2 on msn Tymelesseq though my msn is corrupt right now. and aim my prefered TymelessEQ. hope to hear from you sometime hugs and <3

 

[sxxyblueyes]

hehe hm...

Thanks you all! Everyone has been really sweet! *hugs!*

Hey X .. I tried to PM you back but it wouldn't let me Says you can't receive PM's .. ahh well. Just wanted to say You're welcome

 

[Xectxny19X]

added! Don't forget to add me, too!

That's ok about the PM -- I owe it to you all for being so caring despite my er...well, maybe you all know how I am by now.

 

[sxxyblueyes]

added! Don't forget to add me, too!

That's ok about the PM -- I owe it to you all for being so caring despite my er...well, maybe you all know how I am by now.

I was also going to say.. if you had Myspace- my myspace address is in my profile.. that's always a good way to contact me since I am a Myspace addict! LOL I know.. I know.. I'm sad!!

 

[Xectxny19X]

Yep. I saw the myspace link, & I should go check it out soon. My roomies had a myspace up for us before, but we couldn't handle it for some reason.