Needing Advice

[Paigeylou527]

Lately I've been considering giving up my lifestyle and going all vanilla..I just can't seem to find that one special man who can give me what I'm needing.I think I've given up hope a little..I love my kinks,don't get me wrong.They make the the person I am,but it just feels like I'm on a wild goose chase here..Has anyone else ever felt this way?

 

[multitalentman]

Lately I've been considering giving up my lifestyle and going all vanilla..I just can't seem to find that one special man who can give me what I'm needing.I think I've given up hope a little..I love my kinks,don't get me wrong.They make the the person I am,but it just feels like I'm on a wild goose chase here..Has anyone else ever felt this way?

I'm assuming you mean irl and not here at lit, being that you have only been here since last month?

 

[MeekMe]

Lately I've been considering giving up my lifestyle and going all vanilla..I just can't seem to find that one special man who can give me what I'm needing.I think I've given up hope a little..I love my kinks,don't get me wrong.They make the the person I am,but it just feels like I'm on a wild goose chase here..Has anyone else ever felt this way?

My true Dominant.Someone who can make me feel the way I need to feel.Is there even any point in asking?If you're out there,I'm desperate for you.
XoXo
Paige

Just a thought, but you're only posting in the Personals and not the BDSM Personals. If you're only looking here on Lit, the chance of finding something worth while isn't impossible, but it's pretty slim.

You should probably make clear exactly what you're looking for, because what's written gives absolutely no useful information. I'd suggest looking for local events where you can meet real people.

Has anyone else ever felt like that? Of course others have felt that way. I'm just going to point out, that if you're kinky and can't find someone to be kinky with, "going all vanilla" is just going to be worse. Just look at all the people who come here looking for advice to get their kinky needs met while being married to a "vanilla person." That, and a ton of people cheating to get it on the down low.

You're 19, you have time. Make friends and enjoy the journey.

 

[Stella_Omega]

BDSM personals forum

I would strongly suggest that you join fetlife.com which is like facebook for kinksters. It's pretty useful for finding people in your area.
Also, read the essay linked in my signature. It might be helpful

 

[KoPilot]

Gonna go against the grain here and say that looking to vanilla venues for potential partners isn't a bad idea at all. I met my husband on an art site, and he was originally trying to recruit me to work on a group project. Things just kind of... happened and whoops, we got married.

Also, while I'm not saying you should "settle" at all, just remember that there's a huge difference between finding someone with whom you have chemistry with vs someone that can check off all the boxes on your laundry lists of desired traits. Someone that you really hit it off with probably isn't going to check them all off. Compromise is part of the deal.

There's also nothing wrong with deciding to pair up with a vanilla partner because they are really great for you emotionally, intellectually, have your exact sense of humor and political leanings, you have similar hobbies and bucket lists, and then get your kink on the side with someone else who you get along with but isn't necessarily the person who goes with you to the vet when it's time to put Mittens down or suffers through holidays with your obnoxious family.

That doesn't work for everybody, but it is definitely an option.

 

[CutieMouse]

I am going to be irritatingly ageist, but... you're NINETEEN.

At 19, I thought the ZOMG neato guy that was super romantic and swept me off my feet was totally Prince Charming, and we were destined to live happily ever after. I actually married him (after only 6 months), and stayed married for 12 years (and 5 children)...

Guess what?

Nope. Not Prince Charming. Not even frog material, really. (And I didn't even know about BDSM at that point... naive little girl I was. lol)

After the marriage ended, it took several years of exploration (and a lot of self-work) to figure out what worked for me, and what didn't. And even now - a decade-ish down the road - it's still an evolving process. The men who are worth a second email (much less a phone call) are few and far between. The ones worth coffee? Pretty damn rare. The ones worth investing in? They're out there...

But it isn't a race. I have a lifetime ahead of me to experiment and find what I want. And so do you. Because what's more important - being in a D/s relationship RIGHT THIS SECOND, or being in the D/s relationship that is RIGHT FOR YOU?

 

[box13]

Yes, we've felt that way. Some of us still do.

Fetlife is a good suggestion. If you're not in the middle of nowhere, it might work for you, and at least you can explore some. Understand yourself, and others, better.

Seems very unlikely that you'll meet someone, a peer, your own age, or thereabouts, that will have enough experience to satisfy your cravings. And what you can't see in others may keep you feeling alone for many years to come.

Good luck.