G
Guest
Guest
Now ... I just am having a grumpy day at work today, am bothered by a slight headache and all of a sudden got a nice and naughty e-mail that made me smile. So I thought: Why not share one of my most embarrassing moments of late yesterday to be honest) with those of you who might be having a bad day too? Just so you all can feel better about yourself and maybe I even can make you smile a little too to brighten your day ??
Picture the situation:
Me, professional business woman, so strong and self confident, writer of wicked erotic stories and running my own tiny adult site even , have never been in grade to overcome the embarrassment of entering a sex shop (ok – you should have a tiny smile on your face by now already *g*). Thus – no toys for me yet. Although I WANTED a vibrator or ben wa balls really really badly (specially the later ones thanks to some quite intriguing and descriptive posts a while back around literotica), I just couldn’t make myself go and get any – not for all I was worth.
Then finally I decided to go and check the internet out – following the links to the shop of literotica .. and got really excited. Alas, I figured it might be too much of a hassle plus all the “mental pain” having things sent through customs plus delivery and fright prices to order anything from the USA. I sadly dumped the idea. I may mention that at this point a very close cyber-friend of mine had become aware of my „desperate situation“ and besides teasing and daring me continuously with it one day pointed my way to the toy site of a (for me) local distributor, so, no customs and no exaggerated freight either... and I was slowly but surely running out of excuses to why I couldn’t overcome my embarrassment.
Him and I spent quite a few (hot and deeply satisfying) on-line nights „window-shopping“ together (I then noticed that this can get a completely new meaning when using Win98 and getting darn error messages every 15 minutes while „right at it“ – you really want to go shopping for a new version of Windows instead of what you actually wanted). Anyway – running short of any excuses and refusal reasons why I couldn’t possibly be ordering any toys for me, I got to a point where I was about to order ... just to notice then that the only credit card I had available was ... a second of my Dad’s account (OK – this now should at least have a second and somewhat bigger grin on your face) Of course it would be UNIMAGINABLE to order anything even remotely out of the way knowing he would be getting the print out later on *g*
So picture me – walking into the bank and registering for my own credit card – standing at the counter knowing I was merely getting the thing to go sex-toy shopping. That fact by itself made me cream my panties while standing there *g* Anyway – it was a thrill to get the card in the mail a while later (aaargh – just now I remember I never went there to pick up my pin code for it *making mental note* ) and so I figured I REALLY was out of excuses now.
It still took me another few days before finally deciding what to get .. and till I had the guts to type in the number of my brand new credit card and press the „order“ button. Anyway – I had planned on the whole „operation“ quite carefully!
At this point I should mention that I am living with my boyfriend (since many years) Everything is just fine and dandy, except that on the sexual level things have slowed down (as it seems to happen in the one or other marriage *sighs*) so those toys ordered were supposed to „fill this gap“ and for sure I am having no inclination of letting him know anything about me having them. Talking about sex just is not a topic we two would discuss. *NOTE: No - I am not asking for advice or anyone to tell me I SHOULD be talking with him about it. This is merely mentioned since it added to the „final“*
So I figured a package, even though discreet packaging was assured, would not pass unnoticed and I would have to do some explaining about what I had ordered etc. So I had planned on it being delivered while he was away for a few days. Tell me about strategic operation research!! So – one evening, heart beating up my throat, I pressed this „order“ button and the rest was waiting...
He was due back Tuesday night .. and I figured I shouldn’t be getting „my toys“ any later then Monday .. but Monday came and passed .. no delivery for me. Tuesday I went to work – forgetting all about it, until ....
I came home last evening (Tuesday) and saw his motorbike in the driveway, still piled up with the luggage. Quite happy to have him back all sound and save I rush into the door – to be stopped short by a „breathtaking“ sight.. my „special delivery“ sitting on the stairs, his helmet and gear nicely piled upon it!! (ok – now this should start spreading a big ass grin on your face... you see it coming, huh?) A quick “safety check” on the label – phew, sounds all innocent! A look at the wrapping – still unopened! *insert sigh of utter relief here* Maybe he didn’t even notice being all tired and wet from driving for hours in the pouring rain ... I hurry to see where he is and what he is up to, then tell him to better go unpack the bike while I run a hot tub for him ... good boy he is, he does as being told and in a frenzy (pretending to be all helpful taking his helmet and other things upstairs for him) I let my parcel disappear in one of the cupboards he never touches, while feverishly working on an excuse should he ask what it was and where it went.
Thinking I had passed all obstacles now, since he never mentioned it during the next hour, I started to relax .. until I hear my Mom come see us to say “Hi” to him and give him her B-day wishes since it was his B-day while he was gone. That moment realization hits home that SHE must have taken on the delivery and placed it on my stairs!! Oh my – I start silent prayers to whatever deity comes to my panic stricken mind, hoping she won’t just blurt out she did place the delivery on the stairs, did I see it?
Alas, trying to separate the two as fast as possible without being too obvious, wanting to drop my Mom a hint to NOT mention this delivery, I all of a sudden figure that if I do so, my Mom will be the one wanting to know what is in there and why my bf wasn’t supposed to know. Poor me – here I am, having the choice between confessing of ordering sex-toys either to my Mom or my “hubby” *Note: feel free to post what your choice would have been on that one*
I make a high speed management decision: Get out of here!! So I invited him out for dinner to have a nice conclusion to his holiday, which he gladly accepted and which cost me almost as much as was my toys’ worth. So, with considerable relief, I figure I am done with it – and pray that by the next day nobody will remember the so suddenly and mysteriously disappeared package (except for me who by now of course is desperately curious and still far from being able to open the bloody thing).
Gradually relaxing during the dinner, I start to not worry any more- it all went well in the end, nobody knows, no need to be embarrassed or find any silly excuses (which would have been useless because I am sooooo obvious when lying).
Coming home after a pleasant evening out, I just pas by my mom to drop her some things I forgot to give her earlier. I open the door and enter, a slight feeling of nervous tingle in my tummy, praying she won’t touch the “delivery subject” and the first thing she says: “Now, did you finally go get yourself some toys! It was about time you did! I hope you didn’t get any cheap crap but spoiled yourself a little!” (ok – if you didn’t get a laugh out of it, or at least a smile – sorry – that was the best bit now.)
Now – this was the point where I stood and stared – a blush that I only can describe as “Furnace Tomato” , and most likely gaping at my Mom with a far from intelligent facial expression. I could only mumble something about “Uhhmm – but .. how did you ...” before she started with a detailed and hilariously funny description of how a rather young delivery guy had brought her the
Picture the situation:
Me, professional business woman, so strong and self confident, writer of wicked erotic stories and running my own tiny adult site even , have never been in grade to overcome the embarrassment of entering a sex shop (ok – you should have a tiny smile on your face by now already *g*). Thus – no toys for me yet. Although I WANTED a vibrator or ben wa balls really really badly (specially the later ones thanks to some quite intriguing and descriptive posts a while back around literotica), I just couldn’t make myself go and get any – not for all I was worth.
Then finally I decided to go and check the internet out – following the links to the shop of literotica .. and got really excited. Alas, I figured it might be too much of a hassle plus all the “mental pain” having things sent through customs plus delivery and fright prices to order anything from the USA. I sadly dumped the idea. I may mention that at this point a very close cyber-friend of mine had become aware of my „desperate situation“ and besides teasing and daring me continuously with it one day pointed my way to the toy site of a (for me) local distributor, so, no customs and no exaggerated freight either... and I was slowly but surely running out of excuses to why I couldn’t overcome my embarrassment.
Him and I spent quite a few (hot and deeply satisfying) on-line nights „window-shopping“ together (I then noticed that this can get a completely new meaning when using Win98 and getting darn error messages every 15 minutes while „right at it“ – you really want to go shopping for a new version of Windows instead of what you actually wanted). Anyway – running short of any excuses and refusal reasons why I couldn’t possibly be ordering any toys for me, I got to a point where I was about to order ... just to notice then that the only credit card I had available was ... a second of my Dad’s account (OK – this now should at least have a second and somewhat bigger grin on your face) Of course it would be UNIMAGINABLE to order anything even remotely out of the way knowing he would be getting the print out later on *g*
So picture me – walking into the bank and registering for my own credit card – standing at the counter knowing I was merely getting the thing to go sex-toy shopping. That fact by itself made me cream my panties while standing there *g* Anyway – it was a thrill to get the card in the mail a while later (aaargh – just now I remember I never went there to pick up my pin code for it *making mental note* ) and so I figured I REALLY was out of excuses now.
It still took me another few days before finally deciding what to get .. and till I had the guts to type in the number of my brand new credit card and press the „order“ button. Anyway – I had planned on the whole „operation“ quite carefully!
At this point I should mention that I am living with my boyfriend (since many years) Everything is just fine and dandy, except that on the sexual level things have slowed down (as it seems to happen in the one or other marriage *sighs*) so those toys ordered were supposed to „fill this gap“ and for sure I am having no inclination of letting him know anything about me having them. Talking about sex just is not a topic we two would discuss. *NOTE: No - I am not asking for advice or anyone to tell me I SHOULD be talking with him about it. This is merely mentioned since it added to the „final“*
So I figured a package, even though discreet packaging was assured, would not pass unnoticed and I would have to do some explaining about what I had ordered etc. So I had planned on it being delivered while he was away for a few days. Tell me about strategic operation research!! So – one evening, heart beating up my throat, I pressed this „order“ button and the rest was waiting...
He was due back Tuesday night .. and I figured I shouldn’t be getting „my toys“ any later then Monday .. but Monday came and passed .. no delivery for me. Tuesday I went to work – forgetting all about it, until ....
I came home last evening (Tuesday) and saw his motorbike in the driveway, still piled up with the luggage. Quite happy to have him back all sound and save I rush into the door – to be stopped short by a „breathtaking“ sight.. my „special delivery“ sitting on the stairs, his helmet and gear nicely piled upon it!! (ok – now this should start spreading a big ass grin on your face... you see it coming, huh?) A quick “safety check” on the label – phew, sounds all innocent! A look at the wrapping – still unopened! *insert sigh of utter relief here* Maybe he didn’t even notice being all tired and wet from driving for hours in the pouring rain ... I hurry to see where he is and what he is up to, then tell him to better go unpack the bike while I run a hot tub for him ... good boy he is, he does as being told and in a frenzy (pretending to be all helpful taking his helmet and other things upstairs for him) I let my parcel disappear in one of the cupboards he never touches, while feverishly working on an excuse should he ask what it was and where it went.
Thinking I had passed all obstacles now, since he never mentioned it during the next hour, I started to relax .. until I hear my Mom come see us to say “Hi” to him and give him her B-day wishes since it was his B-day while he was gone. That moment realization hits home that SHE must have taken on the delivery and placed it on my stairs!! Oh my – I start silent prayers to whatever deity comes to my panic stricken mind, hoping she won’t just blurt out she did place the delivery on the stairs, did I see it?
Alas, trying to separate the two as fast as possible without being too obvious, wanting to drop my Mom a hint to NOT mention this delivery, I all of a sudden figure that if I do so, my Mom will be the one wanting to know what is in there and why my bf wasn’t supposed to know. Poor me – here I am, having the choice between confessing of ordering sex-toys either to my Mom or my “hubby” *Note: feel free to post what your choice would have been on that one*
I make a high speed management decision: Get out of here!! So I invited him out for dinner to have a nice conclusion to his holiday, which he gladly accepted and which cost me almost as much as was my toys’ worth. So, with considerable relief, I figure I am done with it – and pray that by the next day nobody will remember the so suddenly and mysteriously disappeared package (except for me who by now of course is desperately curious and still far from being able to open the bloody thing).
Gradually relaxing during the dinner, I start to not worry any more- it all went well in the end, nobody knows, no need to be embarrassed or find any silly excuses (which would have been useless because I am sooooo obvious when lying).
Coming home after a pleasant evening out, I just pas by my mom to drop her some things I forgot to give her earlier. I open the door and enter, a slight feeling of nervous tingle in my tummy, praying she won’t touch the “delivery subject” and the first thing she says: “Now, did you finally go get yourself some toys! It was about time you did! I hope you didn’t get any cheap crap but spoiled yourself a little!” (ok – if you didn’t get a laugh out of it, or at least a smile – sorry – that was the best bit now.)
Now – this was the point where I stood and stared – a blush that I only can describe as “Furnace Tomato” , and most likely gaping at my Mom with a far from intelligent facial expression. I could only mumble something about “Uhhmm – but .. how did you ...” before she started with a detailed and hilariously funny description of how a rather young delivery guy had brought her the
What better way to spice up a sexual relationship that is getting a bit boring for you?
Especially not my toys. My mom thinks of me as pure and wholesome, even if I'm not.
