need some manly advice...

[Irish]

Ok guys. I want to know what makes you choose one female over another. Let's say they're both good looking, one is a little smarter than the other. The less intelligent girl lives 400 miles away, and the more intelligent, pretty girl lives 10 minutes away. What would make you pick and choose? I've gotten myself into a predicament with a guy who's got a girlfriend, but never sees her and I want him for myself, but he says he loves this other girl and I don't understand why. Any insight would be helpful. Thanks :-(

Irish

 

[egghead332]

advise

What you ask is not an easy question to answer.

Many things could enter into why a guy likes one girl over another. physical features, size, color, etc.

Often it comes down to personality and comfort.. Sometimes the most beautiful person can be like talking to a brick wall or just seem cold...... whereas someone else just clicks.

You may try simply talking with him if all else is equal and sharing on the most base level..... get to know him not just superfically

 

[Irish]

the girlfriend

I understand that Egghead. but what if he's got a girlfriend already, who he says he loves and will someday marry? I'd be inclined to believe him if he didn't act the way he did, and do the things he does. He's already flat out told me that he's not going to leave his girlfriend, so could you suggest things that I could do to make him realize he's with the wrong person? I've only known this guy for a few weeks, but I'm totally falling for him.

Irish :-(

 

[daniducci]

Well, this isn't what you want to hear, but I'm gonna say it anyway. Maybe he's not with the wrong person. Maybe you're hung up on the wrong person. If he was willing to leave his girlfriend for you, that's one thing (and not necessarily a good thing when it happens to you next). But the point is he won't. So instead of tieing yourself to someone who is emotionally unavailable, if you're looking for a relationship, find someone who IS available. Someone who can devote himself to you and only you. Aim higher than trying to be a homewrecker. He deserves better than that, and you can do better than that. Now, of course, I don't know how he's acting and what he's doing, but he's TOLD you that he won't leave his girlfriend. So don't waste your time trying. It will only lead to more heartache for you and him. Good luck, whatever you choose.

 

[scorpio_v]

okay, hon, since he already told you that he won't leave this girl, you know doesn't take you seriously. cut him off, completely. the way he sees it, he would be flattered if you fell for him, but since he has already told you there is no possibility of a future, all the bad feelings that will come of this situation will be blamed squarely on you. i have been the woman on both sides of this dilemma. he won't leave her, and if he does, he will blame you for that heartache too. so either way, he will not end up with you. save yourself the trouble.

 

[dannyboy]

Irish:

So am I by the way.

I am very happily married to the woman of my dreams. I left a very unhappy marriage of 10 years for my wife; and yes, by first having an affair and then leaving the unhappy relationship.

I tried for ten miserable years to make a relationship work that simply didn't. Friends and family tried often to talk to me and let me know it was ok for the relationship to fail. I didn't listen for a long time and lived life with a woman who continually proved to me that I could not trust her.

I met my wife at work at a time when my ex and I were living a "in-house" separation...no sex for 8 months. The person I met immediately showed me empathy and care for my situation. There was an instant physical attraction. I went from no sex for 8 months to four or five times a day; wild and passionate, loving and tender, humorous and playfull.

This guy, from your description, shows you neither respect or empathy; my advice is to roll on little girl, this guy will cause misery in your life in the future!

 

[egghead332]

second reply

based upon your answer to me, I must agree with the people who have responded since my post.
Walk away!
You are setting yourself up for nothing but misery. If he has already said he won't leave his girl friend, then Honey get out now. Absence makes the heart grow fonder (YUCK)
but sometimes the old saying is true. You walk away and he may come looking for you. BE CAREFUL REGARDLESS!!

 

[ericred50]

DANNYBOYS REPLY

I agree with Danny boy, I have been married to the same woman for 31 years !!!! she says its is a life time, I love her very much, but she does not show any affection, to me at all, it is all one sided. She only wants me for what I provide. I have been faithful, although I know of several woman, who would, like to spend a lote of time with me, and have a realationship. So my advise is move on, and look for a new realationship even though you may hurt yourself, you will survive.

 

[puttout]

Hey you- well you probably know what I would tell you and it's nice to hear other people give you the same advise. You have a lot of life ahead of you and being a younger person don't waste time chasing someone that can't see what is right in front of his face. If he's set on nto leaving his girlfriend who is 400 miles away, but he's willing to have a "relationship" with you it sounds to me like someone whom is get everything he wants without caring what you feel. You know of his other girlfriend do you think she knows of you? It's hard to hear but go find someone that wants you and only you as much as you want him. I will talk to you later.

 

[OldDog]

AND EXACTLY by what standard has it been decided that one is smarter than the other??? I suppose the next comment would be to decide one is "genetically inferior" to the other because one is smarts??? H-m-m-m-m--m??

Be very, very cautious about labels .. things that make you choose one relationship over another is NOT the being smarter, but rather how well they use the educational skills, the innate common sense, the knowledge that they have of themselves and their sense of thir own self worth. Who is better at dealing with social situations, which one enjoys music, and life, and which one of the 2 can look oyu dead in hte eye and know when you are hurting, when you are happy just because they are there with you ...just because you are who you are. THAT is, I believe, called, a MAJOR NO-BRAINER!!!!!

 

[Irish]

let me try this again....

I didn't ask if I needed to leave this guy alone, I already know that. I didn't ask if he was a player, or a sweet talker. I didn't ask for that information. I asked the question WHAT MAKES A GUY PICK ONE GIRL OVER THE OTHER. That's it. simple. I appreciate everyone's advice, but I feel like I'm beind reprimanded when I asked for advice. I may be young but I'm *not* a little girl. The lines "Your young and you'll get over it" or "No one ever died from cutting off a bad influence" mean nothing to me because right now, I don't care that in 3 months this will be a distant memory, and I don't care that no one ever died from losing a bad influence. It's what's going on right now that affects me. I care about the simple question of what makes a guy choose another girl. The reply's that say "My wife shows no affection etc" gives me a little insight. So if someone would like to answer my question, I would be very happy to hear you reply. I already know I'm making a bad decision and that I'm going to get hurt, that's the choice I made.

Irish

 

[sunshine259454]

guys choice some girls over others because sometimes it's easiet. In actually he's not choosing. He has the both of you. My advice to you is that you have to make a choice. You can stay with him with the understanding that this woman will always be in his life, which you have a right to do, and no one can judge you. You can also give this guy everything he could ever want, binding him to you which would eventually make his relationship eventually end. Or you could give him the best sex of his life, and than dump him....... But this is just my opinion.

 

[jaylips69]

I'll actually try to answer your question

Even though I agree with some of the advise, you did ask for an answer and hear it is.

Personnality. That is a short one word answer, but it is true. Personnality covers how people click together. The "Magic" that makes a relationship. I have seen very beautiful ladies that were very intelligent and very sexy, but they had the personnality of a dried up persimmon. Please don't get me wrong. I don't know you at all, but there is something that is not clicking in your relationship with this guy. If it did click, he would leave the other girl in a heartbeat. That doesn't mean you are a bad person. It just means the two of you are not totally compatible. You may be able to find that out and continue the relationship. If not, it is only a matter of time before it will fall apart.

OBTW, I'm 57 and been married to the same woman for almost 39 years. I love her very much, but she has lost her desire for affection, much less sex. I have had affairs, some of which she knows about and some of which she doesn't. Please don't take this as a brag, but only trying to make a point. I am what I consider average looking and I am several pounds overweight. However, I have never been with a woman that didn't fall in love with me. I would like to think the reason is my personnality. I love people and always put the person I am with feelings above mine. I have been shit on and hurt before but I have never and will never stop loving people.

Hope this really helps answer your question. Good luck in this relationship and any you might have in the future.

Luv ya,
Jay

 

[Khryswhy]

Good Advice

To be honest, I didn't even bother to read all the replies that you've already gotten.

As a guy who has been in this position, there are many factors that go into choosing one over the other. The first is:
BEING FACED WITH A CHOICE!
Men hate being in this position, but if you put them in it, they will make a decision, & generally stick to it.
I personally prefer smart women for relationships, and not so smart women for sex. If I can have both, I have been known to take both. Whether or not the man you're with is one like me I don't know, but you have little to lose by giving him an ultimatum. If you're going to lose him, it's better to lose him now than later.
If he says that he loves the other girl, do you really want to wait around to try & 'make him see how good you are'? I've met a number of women who are willing to try & change men in this way, but it's really not worth your time unless you are literally willing to put a lifetime's worth of work into it.
I assume that you can do better, but either way, you need to make up your mind as soon as possible. Stringing him & yourself along isn't fair to either of you.

PS - I chose the smart one. Dumbest move I ever made; I think she might have been smarter than me.

 

[Khryswhy]

Sorry

I should have read all of the threads.
Sorry, but I don't know what makes a man choose one woman over another. For me personally, I'll take the one that I can have an intense conversation with over the one that submits to my every sexual whim (I may be in the minority here).
Generally, (I think) it has to do with what the man wants. Some of my friends want the 50's homemaker type, while others want a sex slave, while others want a strong career woman.
I assume that you know him better than anyone here. Gauge what it is that he wants most, figure where you fit into those plans as compared to the other woman.
I'd tell you what I look for, but that's not your question.
Men look for a woman who fits more of their criteria (whatever that may be) than their mother/past girlfriends did.
Sorry, but that's about as succinct as I can put it.