Need some information/help please..

[va_cateyes2001]

Hello, I am a newbie to this site and this lifestyle. Let me start by saying I am 29 years old, I have been married for almost 9 years and my 'Master' is not my husband. I have had quite a long history with my 'Master' and we have been friends and lovers for quite a while. I am sorry if this offends anyone here. I have been very much interested in the subject of being a submissive/slave for quite a while and my husband does not wish to try to experience this lifestyle. My partner and I have decided to enter into this lifestyle together. Where as he has always been the dominate one, and I the submissive. However, I am wondering if anyone can give me links to sites to gather more information for myself as a slave and for him as being a Master.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Hello, I am a newbie to this site and this lifestyle. Let me start by saying I am 29 years old, I have been married for almost 9 years and my 'Master' is not my husband. I have had quite a long history with my 'Master' and we have been friends and lovers for quite a while. I am sorry if this offends anyone here. I have been very much interested in the subject of being a submissive/slave for quite a while and my husband does not wish to try to experience this lifestyle. My partner and I have decided to enter into this lifestyle together. Where as he has always been the dominate one, and I the submissive. However, I am wondering if anyone can give me links to sites to gather more information for myself as a slave and for him as being a Master.

*points to the library*

 

[va_cateyes2001]

Thanks...

 

[catalina_francisco]

http://www.logtenberg.info/Welkom-animaties/welkomhondje02.gif
Welcome to the board vc,

I would start by investigating the library it is full of information.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=164221

And of course we are all here to help and assist you in your quest, just ask if you have any questions. We might be able to point you towards the right direction. Or at the minimum we will give you many and different views which you can use to form your own view on BDSM.

Have fun reading
http://www.logtenberg.info/boeken/boeken9.gif
Francisco.

 

[Etoile]

I'm curious, does your husband know about your Master?

 

[va_cateyes2001]

no, my husband doesn't know about my Master. my husband has absolutely no interest in the D/s lifestyle. in the times that i have brought it up to him about how i am interested in it he has indicated that there must be something 'wrong' with me to want to be like 'that'.

 

[Netzach]

I'm not going to give you any ethics lectures, far be it from me.

It's hard to manage the logistics of this kind of thing. If you are talking slavery and Mastery you need to monitor and manage your own needs -- they are not going to be fulfilled consistently in this arrangement.

 

[Guest]

cringes...

"there must be something wrong with you to be like that"

Good gracious sakes alive... give him some wood and matches so he can light you on fire for being a heretic

GAG!!

Stupid me married someone vanilla cringe, gag, tries scraping her tongue off, smacks the back of her hand in the immortal words of some of my sisters and I "silllllly slut".

It did not work. He continued to say that he loved me. I continued to tell him that he was just not what could sustain me for the rest of my life. I needed a Master (Dom is alittle to light for me but different strokes for different folks), I needed something that he could never give me because if he was part of the lifestyle he would be a sub, there was nothing Masterly about him. In the end he went out, cheated on me (not swinging, actually cheated), drank and called me on the phone to tell me that he was doing it. The need (and yes it was a need, not a want) in me finally effected him to the point that he just snapped and went out and did something to hurt me... and end my marriage.

Am I bitter about it now... not really, it was for the best.

But I would strongly advise you talking to your husband... if this is a NEED for you, something that you cannot and will not will without for the rest of your life... then maybe just you and your Master entering the lifestyle is not all the changes needed.

Always,
Elizabetht

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: cringes...

[B

But I would strongly advise you talking to your husband... if this is a NEED for you, something that you cannot and will not will without for the rest of your life... then maybe just you and your Master entering the lifestyle is not all the changes needed.

Always,
Elizabetht [/B]

Have to agree...f there are problems within the existing marriage, another type of commitment you made, they are not going to disappear by committing to someone else. To commit fully, you need to be free to do so...the happiness you expect to find should make it worthwhile.

Catalina

 

[va_cateyes2001]

hi all,

thanks for all of your input. i would prefer to be free to follow my desires into this world, however, at this time that is impossible. there are other 'little people' for me to consider the welfare of. yes, i have children. right now, being a sub isn't an absolute need for me. once Master and i explore it more fully, i agree that i will probably not be totally fulfilled with the arrangement. but until the time that occurs i have to take things one day at a time. i welcome any input as to how to deal with the hubby and his attitude.....

 

[lark sparrow]

no, my husband doesn't know about my Master. my husband has absolutely no interest in the D/s lifestyle. in the times that i have brought it up to him about how i am interested in it he has indicated that there must be something 'wrong' with me to want to be like 'that'.

Definitely not the response one would wish for from a partner, but, in turn, neither is deciding to have an affair behind your partner's back.

And as much as parents wish to protect their children from any harm or hurt, it's truly and simply impossible. The undercurrent of mutual disrespect may be less hurtful to children than a divorce - difficult to know.

Seems there is more than "your husband and his attitude" to deal with. While his attitude of it being "wrong" is not commendable in the least, it would appear he is being honest in his lack of interest. There is no obligation or inclination for all to be interested in BDSM, is there? I don't mean to take his side at all - I just think it's a two way street and there are exits. If you are happy with your choices and feel they are for the best all around, then more power to you.

Difficult situation and I wish you luck.

 

[Romany]

Hi va,

Firstly let me wish you good luck with whatever you decide to do, but a word of caution here.

I have no idea what country you are in, and what laws etc. that country may have. However, you may want to consider what would happen in any divorce, possibly arising as a result of your actions.

I am thinking of your children here. Whilst I personally, and I am sure, the majority of posters on here, know that children can be safely and lovingly raised in a BDSM D/s lifestyle, I am afraid that the Courts of a lot of countries are still in the dark ages and believe we are all perverts seeking to harm others.

I would not seek to tell you how to run your life, but if you are certain that this is what you want, and your husband just cannot bring himself to join in with this, maybe you should consider sorting that relationship out first and getting full legal rights to your children, before embarking on something that might result in your losing them.

I know a couple, now together 24/7 who met o/l and within 18 months needed to move things into r/l. Both were already married to nilla partners, (neither marriage was a happy one to start with), and they set about divorcing their respective partners. Because his wife automatically got care and control of the children, she didn't feel the need to raise his proposed lifestyle with the courts, and he can still see his children as and when he wants. The sub, however, had a much harder time. The minute her hubby got wind of her proposed lifestyle he raised this matter with the courts and sought to get sole care and control of their three children, preferably denying her any access at all on the grounds that she was obviously an unfit person, let alone mother. Fortunately he was patently an unfit father himself and in this particular instance the Courts did favour the mother. However, she had a tricky year waiting for this to all be resolved. and might well have lost her kids if he had been a paragon of virtue himself.

I am not suggesting you should abandon your desires, but that you should maybe sort out your current marital situation before going too far with those desires.

 

[Etoile]

no, my husband doesn't know about my Master.

That's the response I was afraid of, for the reasons that have been mentioned above. lark sparrow pointed out something I agree with - that even though a D/s relationship is something you need, it's still cheating on your husband. Romany makes excellent points, too, of why you need to be careful because you have children, not in spite of them. I notice that you got married when you were 20 years old...that is awfully young (my perspective is as a 23-year-old who's been in the same relationship since she was 17, so I know from whence I speak). Is it possible that you and your husband have grown apart? There's no shame in that.

It is indeed complicated. Best of luck to you.

And welcome to Lit!

 

[va_cateyes2001]

yes, i am in a very difficult, and quite frankly a confusing situation. thanks to everyone for their input and helpful suggestions. i'm seriously thinking about just stepping back and really thinking EVERYTHING through. i'll keep in touch and let everyone know how things are going if anyone is interested.

 

[Etoile]

yes, i am in a very difficult, and quite frankly a confusing situation. thanks to everyone for their input and helpful suggestions. i'm seriously thinking about just stepping back and really thinking EVERYTHING through. i'll keep in touch and let everyone know how things are going if anyone is interested.

Yes, please do keep in touch! I hope you'll also participate in some other threads around here...we love having fresh voices!