Need some advice

[Lesbiangel]

Ok so, I just very recently (within the past 2 months) came out to my family. Here's the problem:

My mother says that it is just a phase or that maybe I am just Bi because I have been with men before and I was at one time (a long time ago) in love with a man. She can't see past that it was in the past and that I no longer have any kind of feelings for men at all. Period. Well, friendship, but you know what I mean. How can I make her see that this isn't a phase and that I am serious about this. Every time I bring up anything having to do with me being a lesbian she freaks out or gets all quiet and gets that look on her face that says "I am trying really hard not to be abitch and say something nasty" I just don't know how to get through to my mother that this is a life long thing and that I am never going to be with a man again. My grandmother of all people has been the most supportive of all my family. The only thing that she really has to say about it is that I maybe shouldn't mention it to my younger sister who happens to be 15 because she thinks that it will upset her. LOL I came out first to my 15 year old sister and she was so unbelievably happy for me. I just don't know what to do because my mother and i have always had a very very close relationship in that I could talk to her about ANYTHING. I feel like I can' talk to her anymore. Another thing that she is always saying is "I don't discuss that I am straight so why should we discuss that you are lesbian" OMG how asinine is that. I can somewhat see her point but the fact of the matter is, she discusses her being straight all the time without realizing it. I look at it like this, when she is talking about her husband and things they do etc...is that not talking about her being straight? It's not like I sit around and want to discuss the social aspects of lesbianism with her...I would just like to talk about my feelings and maybe the date i went on ya know?

Sorry about the rant, I am just really frustrated!!!!!!!

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I think first off, you need to understand that your mother loves you. She does. I know it.

Secondly, she might have ulterior (sp?) motives for wanting you to at least have some interest in men.. maybe she wants grand kids? Maybe she wants to see you at your wedding? Maybe she's just having a tough time pulling her mind out of the groove of MEN and WOMEN.

*shrug* Not everyone has the ability to change their mode of thinking, or to do it quickly. Give your mother some time, even though I know it's painful for you.... that time, in which you can SHOW her you're serious, in which you can be an EXAMPLE of your chosen life.. is time in which her mind might loosen it's hold on what 'ought' to be.

In the end... she loves you. She's just struggling with your new life.

 

[Chicklet]

I guess I am a bad person to reply, since I would rather shoot myself in the head than talk to my mom about the weather.

As Vixen said, you need to give your mother time. I'm sure it's odd, when you have this mental picture of your child, of what your childs life will be like...even if you're a very open person and you want what's best for your child....and something goes totally different. Changes always take time. Give her that. She loves you and she will accept you with time.

 

[Netzach]

She's hearing "no grandkids, ever." As stupid as that sounds.

Give her some time and space, hopefully she'll stop saying stupid stuff. There's a remote possibility that she may remain jerkish, though, and then all those truths about loving your family without necessarily liking them and keeping a safe distance come into play.

 

[pinksateendream]

I told my mom about a year and a half ago... and she flipped. Just yesterday was the first time she was ever able to say the word "gay" and then she started crying. This is an improvement...... so what I really mean to say is that it should get better with time. I promise.