Need some advice (help me here guys)

[kygirlcumlovr]

OK here's my problem, I'm crazy about this man that I am great friends with. We are friends with benefits if you know what I mean. We have had mind blowing sex on 3 ocassions now. He is constantly telling me how he is a "lone wolf", destined to be alone, etc. Yet on a daily basis he sends me emails "just to check in" or he calls me to tell me when he will be online at night so we can chat. Here's my question...What's up with him? Does he like me or not? I know he finds me attractive but I want more than just the sex. I can't get him to open up but from his actions, it seems like there is something there. What can I do to blow this man's mind and make him see we need to be more than friends with benefits. How can I show him he's all that and more to me?

 

[plasticman33]

Maybe he's just afraid of commitment and doesn't want the entanglement of a romantic relationship.

 

[ma_guy]

My guess? He's blowing smoke when he's saying he's a "lone wolf". Sorry, I don't believe he isn't interested if he's emailing and calling you everyday and asking when you'll be on-line. If he was a lone wolf you'd only be hearing from him when he showed at your doorstep looking to get laid.

Now, as to why he's blowing smoke.. Could be any of several reasons I suppose. Could be a lack of self-confidence, to embarrassed to say what he feels, a little power play going on, wants you to say it first, etc..

I'd say you need to figure out which it is and plan (or play along) accordingly.

 

[Dantetier]

I'm the same as this guy... and the truth is, he does care about you, but he is NOT ready to settle down, nor does he WANT to settle down. If you don't want to continue the sex part of the friendship without the romantic relationship, cut that part out. He'll still be your friend... but just cut it out and don't press about it. If he asks, just say you don't want to have that kind of relationship anymore. He'll understand, and then it will be his move. If you press for a relationship, he's going to run the other way and you're jeapordize your friendship with him.

 

[Guest]

Does he know you are not David?

 

[tailfinz69]

keep fucking him...

He will succumb, or is it suc cum?

 

[Gil_Favor]

OK here's my problem, I'm crazy about this man that I am great friends with. We are friends with benefits if you know what I mean. We have had mind blowing sex on 3 ocassions now. He is constantly telling me how he is a "lone wolf", destined to be alone, etc. Yet on a daily basis he sends me emails "just to check in" or he calls me to tell me when he will be online at night so we can chat. Here's my question...What's up with him? Does he like me or not? I know he finds me attractive but I want more than just the sex. I can't get him to open up but from his actions, it seems like there is something there. What can I do to blow this man's mind and make him see we need to be more than friends with benefits. How can I show him he's all that and more to me?

well heres a thought, why not tell him the TRUTH about what you feel? then the ball is in his court, he will either respond in a positive way or a negative way. if its positive great! if its negative,stop fucking him.

 

[Guest]

but I want more than just the sex.

and therein lies the problem. Why do people make life more complicated than it is?

 

[bknight2602]

I'm the same as this guy... and the truth is, he does care about you, but he is NOT ready to settle down, nor does he WANT to settle down. If you don't want to continue the sex part of the friendship without the romantic relationship, cut that part out. He'll still be your friend... but just cut it out and don't press about it. If he asks, just say you don't want to have that kind of relationship anymore. He'll understand, and then it will be his move. If you press for a relationship, he's going to run the other way and you're jeapordize your friendship with him.

Yes I agree.

Another thought would be that he wants to continue the sex, without any entanglements!

 

[Don K Dyck]

Tricky . . .

Hmmmmmmm . . . probably insecure, reasons unknown, but may include unstable family life as child, hurt by previous relationship(s), the "lone wolf" bit is his self-protection and front, the daily calls are him saying "I'm interested" without referring to "how interested". Have you told him how YOU feel?

Prognosis . . . he probably is interested in you . . . but

1. do YOU need the hassles?? Building/re-building somebodyelse's self-esteem is a long and thankless job;

2. are you looking for a long term/permanent relationship or a "fuck buddy"?

Possibly a good one to throw back, and Gil Favor's suggestion may be just the way to do it.

 

[Tungwagger]

Slow down on the return e-mails, the phone calls, appear offline and when he starts inquiring why you're not available to him, say..

"I didn't want to encroach on your lone wolf approach to life"

Chances are, he'll tell you exactly what he thinks should happen in your relationship....

 

[capricious_chic]

Yet on a daily basis he sends me emails "just to check in" or he calls me to tell me when he will be online at night so we can chat. Here's my question...What's up with him?

Dont confuse morals with manners. Perhaps he is just being polite by telling you when and where he will be and assuming you would want to know. He obviously enjoys your company enough to let you know these things, but this doesn't necessarily mean anything more than he has manners.

The only person that can really answer your question is him.

I don't have time for people who tell me one thing, but mean another. Life is too short to try and be a mind reader. If he says he is a lone-wolf, he may well be.

 

[*Eve*]

I've been there and done, that, having a friend with benefits is a sticky situation. If he hasn't mentioned taking your relationship a step further or if you haven't had a conversation with him that doesn't involve sex, I think you should move on to find someone who will cherish your mind as well as your body.

 

[Dantetier]

Why can't friends with benefits just stay that way? I have a few of those... we're great friends, and occasionally we have great sex. It's never been more then that, and neither of us want anything other than that. Why's it so bad?

 

[tulip2lipservice]

I had a similiar

situation. Did you ever think he was a player? Is he married. It sounds like he just wants a sex friend. If that is all you want then go with it, but from the sounds of it isn't. Do not get your hopes up with him.

Believing is seeing. Remember that.

Peace,
Tulip

 

[Guest]

 

[Dantetier]

Hehehe... men usually say what they mean.. it's too much trouble to think up excuses... women are the ones that complicate everything...

hold on... *sits down*

one second... *covers my head and face with arms*

commence beating..

 

[Harbinger]

I beg to differ

It's been my experience that many men, but not all, are HUGE liars about all kinds of things, especially sex. But as foxinsox said, if a man says he doesn't want commitment, then he is almost certainly telling the truth about that. I would think it far more likely that a guy would claim to want a relationship when all he really wants is the sex.

 

[Killswitch]

My advice is dont hold you're breath sweetie. He is telling you what the deal is. Just because he emails you a few times a week doesnt mean he wants to marry you.
Sounds to me like he has been pretty honest, and that you( no offense) are reading to much into a few " How are you... you are a great screw emails"