Need parenting advice please

[Pure]

to clarify

//pure: how did you rule out that she was(is) not pregnant from the previous occasions?//


sss: Good questions all, which should be discussed with a visit to an OB/GYN.

---
true, though any GP would do. my point, however, was that to administer the MAP in the absence of consideration of pregnancy-already-there is not a good idea. that MAP was used, has been stated; whether a medical consultation or any tests occurred (before MAP) has not. wildcard is doing well in playing 'catch up' and has been very humane, IMO, but some details need to be addressed.

 

[sophia jane]

Wildcard-
First a hug and a kiss and much love from me to you.

I think you've done a good job, going with the morning after pill, stressing safety, not freaking out. But...I want to weigh in on something that's not being mentioned and something that is important for you to remember because you have not failed your daughter.

Teenagers are interested in sex. They are sexual beings, just like we are. Yes, 14 is too young (for most) to seriously consider the repercussions of sex and yes, as parents we don't want our kids having sex that young for a whole host of reasons. But...it is normal for your daughter to have interest in sex. It's normal to want to have sex at that age. I lost my virginity at 14 and while it was for the wrong reasons and I wish I hadn't made the choices I did, I also remember how incredibly sexual I was from an early age.

So yes, get her to an ob and get her on the pill, talk about safety and responsibility, limit her alone-time with her boyfriend. But also find a way for your or some other trusted adult to talk to her about how it is okay to be interested in sex, it's okay to be horny. But...because she's young and has years in front of her it is also ok to go slow with the boyfriend and to use masturbation as a way to get her fix. Girls especially don't always realize that masturbation is normal and healthy; and yes, hearing that from her dad may not be the best source, but there are definitely books and websites out there that will give her sex-positive information if you need to just lead her toward one of those resources instead of talking to her directly about it. In my opinion, being sex positive with our kids is a really important gift to give them. I think that you being calm in your reaction to catching them shows her that sex is not shameful and she needs to know that, just as she needs to know that sex is more than a roll in the sack and involves serious issues both physical and emotional.

Love you, Wildcard. Wishing you the best of luck with this.