need help is it possible?

[chronicles]

Is it possible for a guy and his ex-gf to be friends w/o sex being a factor or is it almost a givin that it will not work. I'm married and my wife does not believe it is possible since my ex was my first and we were together for a long time.


Please need your advise.

 

[CelticFrog]

It is possible.
Now, in my case, none of my exes are worth a friendship. Bad judgement on my part.
But sheath, who I'm sure will get her two cents in because they're good pennies... is living proof that you can in fact remain friends with your exes.

Ang

 

[fille]

Is it possible for a guy and his ex-gf to be friends w/o sex being a factor or is it almost a givin that it will not work. I'm married and my wife does not believe it is possible since my ex was my first and we were together for a long time.


Please need your advise.

My husband and I both remain friends with several exes each. I'm not worried, and neither is he.

On the other hand, we were friends for over a decade after having had a romance, then we got back together and got married.

 

[sheath]

It is absolutely possible.

I have many very close friends in my life who are exes. My ex-husband is a very good friend. A few ex-lovers would almost fall under the 'best friends' category. They ALL fall into the 'I can call you in the middle of the night crying and you will be there for me' category. All except the last one. But anyway...

It is possible, but it takes a hell of a lot of work, and a lot of trust on the part of the new significant other. It isn't for everybody. But if the relationship ends well and you are determined to make it work as a friendship, and if you include your new SO in everything and make sure to counter any feelings of jealousy with compassion and rock-solid fact, then you are well on your way to making it work.

S.

 

[chronicles]

You are helping me. More thoughts please.


chronicles

 

[WI-Ken]

Definitely Possible

My parents have been divorced for over 30 years and still get along fine.

When we have family gatherings, it is common to see them together talking for a good portion of the time.

For reasons I'd rather not discuss here, it is CERTAIN that there isn't as hasn't been anything sexual between them since the divorce.

 

[DuckLover]

Another "Yes"

I'm still friends with most of my ex's, as is my gf. Part of what makes it work is that we both trust each other completely, and we recognize that these people are ex's for a reason. I determined that each of my ex's was no longer a viable romantic/sexual partner, which is why we aren't together anymore. My gf knows that and knows that she and I ARE viable; that's why WE are together. Heck, I'm even good friends with my first lover and her husband, even went to their wedding!

That said, neither of us flaunts our ex's or our sexual past to each other. (We know each other's history from a safety standpoint. I just mean we don't go into lurid detail.) We can discuss what aspects of previous relationships did and did not work, but never in a "She used to do X for me; why won't you?" kind of way.

 

[James G 5]

I'm good friends with several of my ex's
I've always believed in being friends first and hopefullif sex happens but it doesn't turn in to a relationship or it does & the relationship doesn't work out, you can still be friends after

 

[Nonchalant]

its posssible but not a good idea

 

[Etoile]

Yes, it's possible...for some people. Not for others. Things like this depend 100% on the individuals involved and their personalities, and generalizations probably won't be much good.

 

[Lust Engine]

Yes, it's possible...for some people. Not for others. Things like this depend 100% on the individuals involved and their personalities, and generalizations probably won't be much good.

Well said! Every situation has its own nuances. To lump them together just wouldn't be right.

 

[DuckLover]

Well said! Every situation has its own nuances. To lump them together just wouldn't be right.

Ditto. Etoile is one of the many woman here who proves that you CAN have brains and beauty in one person!

 

[ABN_Ranger]

Hell, me and my ex-wife are better friends than we were husband and wife. She made my son a baby blanket, came out for a weekend visit last summer, we started getting along great when we stopped trying to run eachothers lives.

 

[lovechild27]

I get rid of ex's.

If your wife has a problem with this...let the ex go. I can see why she would be uncomfy with the idea.

She is your ex for a reason...maybe you can be friends maybe you cant...but I say if the wife is really not cool with it..let it go.

 

[Noor]

I'm good friends with several of my ex's
I've always believed in being friends first and hopefullif sex happens but it doesn't turn in to a relationship or it does & the relationship doesn't work out, you can still be friends after

The same here, friends first. When I haven't been freind first things don't turn out so well.

Noor

 

[NaiveOne]

It definately depends on the persons involved. I've only had one serious relationship which ended recently. During the relationship I hated hearing about his exes (all of whom he is still friends with on different levels) and had no desire to meet them, despite his reassuraces.

As of now, he thinks we are friends. I don't. I miss him too much and am too attracted to him to be in the same room with him, even though I am the one who broke it off. So we chat over internet a bit. Maybe it will get better, maybe it won't.

That being said, I understand why your wife says it is not possible and why she might not want you to remain friends with your ex.

Good luck though!

 

[bobsgirl]

Is it possible for a guy and his ex-gf to be friends w/o sex being a factor or is it almost a givin that it will not work. I'm married and my wife does not believe it is possible since my ex was my first and we were together for a long time.


Please need your advise.

I think it is very possible to be friends with an ex. My parents are a good example--divorced for longer than they were married, but still friends, although the term "friends" is way to simple a term for what they are.

That being said, if your wife is not comfortable with it, you should at least consider her feelings. Your first loyalty should be to your current wife.

 

[SexyGiggles]

Is it possible for a guy and his ex-gf to be friends w/o sex being a factor or is it almost a givin that it will not work. I'm married and my wife does not believe it is possible since my ex was my first and we were together for a long time.


Please need your advise.

You need to talk about it with your wife -- if she is not comfortable, talk about WHY. Is it jealousy? Insecurity? Is this unique to relationships with ex's, or with all women? How would you feel if she wanted to be friends with one of her ex's? Whatever the reason is, you need to talk about it...

Just a few thoughts...

*giggle*

 

[coppertop429]

THis is gonna sound like a broken record, but definitely talk to your wife about the situation and why it makes her uncomfortable. If her fears aren't based in any real, potential problems, though, it gets to a point where I'd think you'd really need to hope she'd trust you. It can vary significantly, though.

My ex (the only one I've ever had ) and I are great friends now; in fact, I think I know him better than I know almost anyone else in my group. If that's the case, I can see why your wife might get jealous...she'll feel as if the relationship (whether sexual or not) is more tightly-knit than your married one. Just let her understand that all you want from your ex is friendship.

Also, if it makes her feel more comfortable (which it may not), suggest inviting your ex over when you have group gatherings where your wife will be. That way if she's still iffy on the whole thing she can keep an eye on you and get more comfortable with the idea. Like I said, though, it depends.

Hope that helps!

 

[moonchild24]

One word here, TRUST. Does your wife trust you and does she trust your exe? I hope that she at least trust you enough to make decent decisions.

 

[Adrraiya]

Is it possible for a guy and his ex-gf to be friends w/o sex being a factor or is it almost a givin that it will not work. I'm married and my wife does not believe it is possible since my ex was my first and we were together for a long time.


Please need your advise.

A direct answer to your question is : IT DEPENDS

My personal observation & my guess is that there is more than one issue behind this question

1) you have an ex-gf that you want to be friends with now... you most likely weren't friends with at the time you met your wife... and may or may not have formed a friendship with during your relationship with your wife... perhaps without your wife even knowing about it
2) your wife might be concerned that you are looking for sex outside the marriage... and without agreement on your wife's part... and you might be turning to your ex-gf for this (you wife may or may not be correct)
3) regardless of your current relationship status with your ex-gf you now want to be friends with her... and your wife feels insecure about this

Taking your question just on the surface:
Is it possible for ex-lovers to be friends... of course it is POSSIBLE.. it takes the right set of circumstances under the right conditions

Many times people get divorced... even not-tolerate each other for a while & then end up friends.... My Mom & Dad were like this...

My nice ex-husband & I were better as friends than we were as marriage partners... we had been friends as kids.... then high school sweethearts... then friends again... then he went his way & I went my way... then we got back together, got married & spent 10 years not-so-happy... we got divorced, took some time to cool off & then worked on our friendship again... we haven't been married for 8 years now & I am happy we have a wonderful friendship

Do I ever think that my Mom & Dad ever had sexual interest in each other after the divorce... for a multitude of reasons.... Hell No --- so, does it work for them... YES

Are my ex-husband & I interested in a sexual relationship between the two of us... Hell No --- so, does it work for us... YES


So..... to fully address your question... let's start with your motive

any secret desire that if you were friends with your ex-gf that sex would be available?.... either as playmate for you or even with wife?

If your motive isn't pure & if your wife is sensing that your motive isn't pure... and if your wife isn't open to the idea of sex outside the marriage

then the answer for you is NO!!!!!

See, it depends?

 

[VelvetSin]

Yes, it's possible...for some people. Not for others. Things like this depend 100% on the individuals involved and their personalities, and generalizations probably won't be much good.

I agree with Etoile also. Like almost everything else in life, this is another matter of not being "one size fits all."

My fiance and I are both good friends with some of our exes. One of his best men is actually one of my good friends, and also an ex-boyfriend. They got to know one another and hit it off as good friends themselves. In our case, it often came down to the exes are exes because something didn't mesh in an ideal way for a romantic relationship to work, but that doesn't make them horrible people, just not "the one." Friendship is easily still part of an equation even if romantic love is not.

I can easily see it not working if there was any hint that a romantic involvement or lingering crush still existed, if there were insecurities involved, or a number of other possible road-blocks.

 

[favoritesgoddess]

Is it possible for a guy and his ex-gf to be friends w/o sex being a factor or is it almost a givin that it will not work. I'm married and my wife does not believe it is possible since my ex was my first and we were together for a long time.


Please need your advise.

It's sort of backwards in my case, but I'm friends with my ex. He was my first and we were together for three years. And sex is most definitely NOT a factor for either of us.

So yes, I know it's possible. As to whether our situation is common, that's a whole 'nother question, isn't it?

 

[blade_rocknut]

Agreeing with Etoile and crew- it totally depends on the people in question- put yourself in your wife's shoes. Are you and the ex each 100% worthy of that kind of trust? It's really not worth the risk if not. Many factors could influence whether or not something's likely to happen- you just have to be totally honest with yourself about the risk / benefit ratio. Generalizing; I'd say nay, but I recognize the possibility exists for adults to get along ( likely better chance with age??) without some drama bringing down the house of cards.

 

[ChadSanDiegoCA]

No I am sorry but it is NOT.