Need help in how to write a store that contains two different perspectives

[SharingBF]

I am new to this.

I am writing a story about my GF and friend hooking up. she never liked him and he is kind of quirky. So she'd be telling it from a short if shocked she is doing this with him and he'd be telling it from more I can't believe this is happening and should I be doing this with my friend's girl.

I just don't know how without confusing reader. Any ideas or good example stories for me to check out?

Thanks.

 

[StrangeLife]

The common way of doing this is alternating chapters between the two characters. I have read stories where it worked well and others where it was less effective.

The trick is to change your writing style when you switch person to match the different personalities. Maybe the girl is a bitch towards him and primarily thinks of him in derogatory terms - you mention that she never liked him - while the guy is polite, but can't stop thinking about her ass. You could even give one of them an accent or a dialect, if you want to be really advanced.

 

[allamagione]

Breaking it into separate sections is your best bet. Alternate points of view, setting them apart using asteriks (***).

But my advice would be to pick a single point of view and commit to it. Get in that character's head, and let them judge the other character's emotions, correctly or incorrectly, as we all do in everyday interactions. I think the ambiguity this creates makes for a richer story.

 

[sr71plt]

There's no problem with alternating voices by sectionalizing. And you can do the second guessing of what the other is thinking/what their motivations are at the same time.

My question is whether or not your GF is OK with your writing this. If she hasn't been consulted and has approved, she may find out about it and no longer be your GF. That would go for the friend as well.

 

[Devilius]

I am new to this.

I am writing a story about my GF and friend hooking up. she never liked him and he is kind of quirky. So she'd be telling it from a short if shocked she is doing this with him and he'd be telling it from more I can't believe this is happening and should I be doing this with my friend's girl.

I just don't know how without confusing reader. Any ideas or good example stories for me to check out?

Thanks.

The best way is to complete a scene in one voice and (optional)do the next scene in a different voice, whichever suits best.

I like to write stories with voice changeovers in alternating chapters, where each chapter is about 35k words long.

Readers don't get confused if you keep the narration fairly long and don't switch to the other voice without any warning.

 

[sr71plt]

My writing partner and I have several favorably reviewed e-books told from two or more character perspectives in which the characters alternate perceiving the same scene (understanding it in a different light that the other, of course) with the scene moved on a bit at the end of each segment. So, there are lots of ways of doing this.

 

[SharingBF]

There's no problem with alternating voices by sectionalizing. And you can do the second guessing of what the other is thinking/what their motivations are at the same time.

My question is whether or not your GF is OK with your writing this. If she hasn't been consulted and has approved, she may find out about it and no longer be your GF. That would go for the friend as well.

Thank you. Yes is very much aware. We are both very turned on by the idea of telling everyone what happened while still technically hiding what happened from actual people we know.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Maybe your GF can write her parts and you can write the ones of your friend?


You could go to the Editors' board too, and start a thread to ask if anyone will edit the story for you. Then they will let you know if the dual PoV is working or not working, and give you tips on how to fix that if there is a problem. (If you get a good editor, that is.)

Good luck with it! When it posts, come back and put a link in here so we can check it out.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

The AH is wonderful. If you ask for the time you get recipes for brownies and stewed prunes.

 

[FantasyXY]

You could have both your GF and your friend confide in you in the story through conversation (just make sure the dialog tells part of the story). Then add interaction between the two that shows there is some sort of underlying feeling from each person.

This way you get the idea of what each is thinking or feeling about the other without telling a disjointed story.

 

[squirrelzo]

Yep good one JBJ

The AH is wonderful. If you ask for the time you get recipes for brownies and stewed prunes.

 

[rjordan]

Most stories on Literotica that include two POVs of the same story are tedious to read. The biggest problem is that both characters generally agree on virtually all of the actual occurances. Where it took place, who was there, what was said, etc. Yet all of that information is reported by both characters almost verbatim. Often it looks like the author just cut and pasted the other POV and edited the names. We already know all that shit from the first character, so it is tedious and boring to have to read it all again because none of the second telling advances the story one iota.

The only differences might occur about things that are open to interpretation, such as feelings, emotions. For example, the girlfriend and friend may differ on how you feel about what they did. Or they differ on how they think the other person feels about them.

So the trick is describing all the who, what, where, when stuff one time, then present the two POVs about their feelings or events that only one of them knows.

One thing you might play around with is who the LISTENER is. Are the gf and friend telling their story to the reader (usual method, and most boring)? Or are the gf and friend telling their story to YOU, as the narrator. That one is more interesting and avoids having to tell a lot of the same who, what, where, when , how stuff twice. You already know some of the details so you fill the reader in on that instead of having the two characters each do it.

Good luck with it. Only a few writers can pull it off, in my opinion. The worst sex sin is making it boring.

rj

rj

 

[sr71plt]

Most stories on Literotica that include two POVs of the same story are tedious to read. The biggest problem is that both characters generally agree on virtually all of the actual occurances. Where it took place, who was there, what was said, etc. Yet all of that information is reported by both characters almost verbatim. Often it looks like the author just cut and pasted the other POV and edited the names. We already know all that shit from the first character, so it is tedious and boring to have to read it all again because none of the second telling advances the story one iota.

The only differences might occur about things that are open to interpretation, such as feelings, emotions. For example, the girlfriend and friend may differ on how you feel about what they did. Or they differ on how they think the other person feels about them.

So the trick is describing all the who, what, where, when stuff one time, then present the two POVs about their feelings or events that only one of them knows.

One thing you might play around with is who the LISTENER is. Are the gf and friend telling their story to the reader (usual method, and most boring)? Or are the gf and friend telling their story to YOU, as the narrator. That one is more interesting and avoids having to tell a lot of the same who, what, where, when , how stuff twice. You already know some of the details so you fill the reader in on that instead of having the two characters each do it.

Good luck with it. Only a few writers can pull it off, in my opinion. The worst sex sin is making it boring.

rj

rj

We apparently read and write different stories here. I hope you knew you were speaking only for yourself.

 

[horny8191988]

Have you considered writing the story in third person omnipotent? This would allow the 'narrator' to know everything that's happening as well as what all of the characters are thinking. It might lose a little something with the lack of "Me" and "I" and "My" but it solves the issue with having to alternate.

If that won't work for you, my advice would be to not 'retell' things for both characters. For example: If the two people were to go on a date and you tell it from the guys POV then don't retell it from the girl's POV. You would start her POV on the way home or the next day or switch halfway through the date or whatever. Because like someone said earlier -- no one likes to read the same events happening twice in the same story.

And I also agree with someone else's comment about having different voices for each character. I HATE it when writers use the same type of language and personality quirks for two separate characters when they are alternating POVs. It makes it seem... Flat?

 

[sr71plt]

Or you could write it just as you asked and apparently thought all by yourself to do, which is fine to do as long as you sectionalize. I think you'll find that writing by committee more often than not produces a story that sinks like a rock in the morass of blah.

 

[Hypoxia]

I'll go with 3rd-person omniscient (3PO). The narrative voice can read the characters' minds and thus express both/all viewpoints. My main objections to 3PO are 1) it's not a great challenge to a writer, except when 2) three or more people are fucking and we run out of pronouns.

Retelling events from different POVs must be done very carefully, to avoid redundant blah. 1st-person POV-shifting within a story can be confusing. For a Rashomon effect (building a story from conflicting accounts and POVs), it's probably best to stick with 3PO.

 

[SharingBF]

Thank you all for the insight. I have a lot to chew over about the methodology. I just want to make sure I can accurately depict some of the sexy aspects of both sides like Jamie being so shocked by Dave's size she couldn't resist and the surprise enjoyment that resulted (especially because she doesn't like him) and the lust from Dave's side that drives him to risk our friendship (he didn't know I'm okay with it at time of occurrence) and the power boost he gets from driving her wild.

 

[rjordan]

I hope you knew you were speaking only for yourself.

Well, that goes without saying. Who is it you think you speak for?

rj

 

[sr71plt]

Well, that goes without saying. Who is it you think you speak for?

rj

Apparently for those who think there are lots of ways to approach this, including the one the OP had thought up all by him/herself already.

Nothing gets to pabulum writing faster than a committee discussion and several suggestions on how to do it better.

I thought what I quoted in your post was wrongheaded--I'm willing to bet you're not in a position to make such judgments on all of the stories on Lit. using this technique--and was insulting to those of us who not only use it--but also do so successfully in the paying marketplace based on the sales and reviews using that technique receive. What I quoted came across as a flat "everyone" judgment--there was no hint that it was only your opinion (which I don't think is very well informed anyway--not in the universal way you phrased it).

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Well, that goes without saying. Who is it you think you speak for?

rj

PILOTs a legend in his own mind.

 

[sr71plt]

PILOTs a legend in his own mind.

That's your usual meaningless blather.

You don't know what "most of" any story technique here does either. You can't even manage to write anything erotic on an erotica site.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

That's your usual meaningless blather.

You don't know what "most of" any story technique here does either. You can't even manage to write anything erotic on an erotica site.

Have you tried Viagra?

 

[sr71plt]

More typically meaningless blather. But no I haven't. I don't need it yet. So what?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

More typically meaningless blather. But no I haven't. I don't need it yet. So what?

You seem kinda limp for someone who wants to fuck everyone.

 

[loquere]

The common way of doing this is alternating chapters between the two characters. I have read stories where it worked well and others where it was less effective.

The trick is to change your writing style when you switch person to match the different personalities. Maybe the girl is a bitch towards him and primarily thinks of him in derogatory terms - you mention that she never liked him - while the guy is polite, but can't stop thinking about her ass. You could even give one of them an accent or a dialect, if you want to be really advanced.

Yes, different chapters/submissions would be ideal. Otherwise it's just confusing.