need help figuring out what matters

[wellhunginktown]

ok well this is kind of a soul searching post i suppose. well since i have been seperated from my wife(may 04), i have noticed that i am not the person i once was. I am currently 24 y/o and i notice that i feel like an old man and i don't quite feel "Cool" anymore. i go to clubs and just get depressed bcause i see these guys that don't look like they even deserve to be with the girls they are with. while i used to be an energetic person that is the life of the party now i feel like a stick in the mud.

I feel no need to do anything and lately playing guitar and fixing up my car are the only things that bring me any type of satisfaction in my life, i don't really have any friends bcause all the people i run into aren't my kind of ppl, either bcause they do drugs or they are just assholes. so i guess my question is what really matters, does the fact that i don't go out and have a good time mean anything is wrong with me, and am i a weirdo that only working on my car and music make me feel life is worth living

any suggestions or feedback is welcome, i'm really sorry about this long post i just need to figure out who i am and maybe u guys could help thank u

 

[hydrex]

The only thing that matters if you don't have children is your own happiness. When you're happy you will find it easier to make others happy as well.

I'd bet a thousand dollars you won't feel this way in a couple months or so.

 

[aznoutkast]

Damn dude, i hear ya, i feel the same way. I'm just turning 21 and seems like all i do is work on my jeep and go to school. i quit hanging out wth alot of my friends lately cuz it just seems like they have "more important things" going on, which i don't blame them. Nothing really i can do it just seems like theyre moving on with life and im not, which i guess is my fault. All of my extremely close friends are married and/or are getting married and dont have time, or the funds to hang out, or live the fast paced wreckless life im accustommed to. sorry i can't give any advice man but i just wanted to tell you you arent the only one.

 

[wellhunginktown]

thx

hey i appreciate it man, i guess joining the air force did alot more harm than good, went in for 3 1/2 years lived in va during that time came back to tn, and can't find anyone i used to chill with, and about the first reply i'm actually about to get a paternity test to see if my daughter is mine i think that's another reason because i have alot of burden on my shoulders maybe once i'm divorced and find out wheter my daughter is mine i'll be alot better off but i do appreciate u guys replying nice to know that i'm not the only person that feels like he doesn't belong

 

[tealsphynx]

Perhaps after being married your values in life changed...you, perhaps, grew up a little because of the marriage...aged faster than your single counterparts because you had the resposibilities of a partner. The parties may not be the same to you as they used to be...the people you want to be around are may no longer be that type of party person. Maybe you should try other forms of social interaction and look for a different caliber of people...good places other than bars, keggers and clubs may be coffee houses, museums, car functions...you mentioned you play the guitar...maybe go to an amature open, even if you don't play in it you may meet people with similar ideals.
I've never really gotten along with my own age group..I've never enjoyed parties (especially those where the whole point was to get drunk and pass out)..I enjoy reading and other "quiet" activities, I'm a quiet person. My husband enjoys parties, but not hard ones..he also enjoys quiet activities. We meet our friends once a week or so at Starbuck's and sit and chat about recent events, about once every couple weeks they get together and play D&D...
I don't think there is anything wrong with you just because you don't find yourself being the life of the party..***** is not all like the college and teen themed movies make it to be. Do what makes you happy and people who enjoy the same activities will find you (you'll find them too once you start to accept your own ideas of fun)...It's like this quote I heard in an interview with (I hope I don't get this wrong..) Reese Witherspoon...Ok this isn't an exact quote but it was somthing along the lines of "Once I accepted the fact that I was a dork, people started accepting me."
God I hope this makes sence enough to possibly give you some insight....

 

[wellhunginktown]

i appreciate it

i guess i never thought of it that way, i guess i just need to be happy with myself and figure out what makes me happy and since i know what those things are i should try and pursue those and associate with other ppl ur advice made me think i appreciate it very much

 

[Vixandra]

From one zoomie to another- joining the AF, while not the most enjoyable thing some days (weeks, months, etc) is not, for the majority of people a bad decission. Think about why you joined, the real main reason. Did you accomplish that?

I'm guessing a tech school marriage or one to a pre-military sweet heart. It saddens me to say that many of these relationships don't do well. Being a military spouse is stressful as all hell (Ask mine, he'd agree) and then there's living in an environment that's different from your "native" one.

Get a paternity test for your daughter, but even if its negative, don't just cut yourself out of her life if she's used to you in it. She didn't do anything to deserve such a thing.

Might want to look into talking to Life Skills. Not suggesting your crazy but somethings are more difficult to cope with others and they are there to help you if you need it.
Otherwise- find laughter. Best anti-depressant available, plain simple laughter. Be it over a funny web site or a comedian (George Carlin's a good one), or a funny movie.
Parties arent' for everyone- I don't understand why a good majority of my peer group (I'm 22) belives that getting drunk is the only way to have fun. Its not.
Hell I'd rather be playing D&D (Dungeons and Dragons- the real, in person, played with dice, a few books and the imagination game) then out drinking.
Good luck!