Need editor look at first chapter (Erotic couplings)

[aTasteofHoney]

I'm working on a short story (Erotic couplings), but want some feedback on the first chapter before I really go for it.
There's no sex in the first chapter, just a meet-cute with flirting.

I'm looking for feedback on sentence flow, character impressions, and if it even sounds interesting enough to keep reading. Grammar punctuation, and all that will be helpful as well, but it doesn't need to be picked over with a fine tooth comb (Okay, it probably NEEDS it, but it can be focused on later.)

I've edited it as much as a writer can edit their own work, but I will confess I'm lackluster at proper punctuation. I err on the side of too many commas and for that, I apologize. Also, I just noticed that sometimes commas are used between dialogue quotes and I haven't grasped the difference between using a comma and a period in this context. Again, I'm sorry for the intellectual, and visual assault when you read it.

 

[_Lynn_]

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[HappySpouse]

I'd be happy to give it a read for the more general impressions. I can edit for grammar and punctuation as well (friends use to pay me for it), but there are others that will do so with greater care. After being taught a handful of different systems like they were the only way, I've decided that's a silly way of thinking.