johngalt47
Virgin
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2002
- Posts
- 19
I’m looking for an editor for an historical romance set in World War II that involves MF, FF, Group, some hint of ff and fF, and violence. The story has five parts and runs about 25k words.
I’m primarily interested in critique of plot and character development, although comments on grammar and spelling are always welcome.
You can see some of my previous stories at
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=155077&page=submissions
A short excerpt from my new story, Predjudice
Niki and Anna settled on a July wedding date. In late May Anna went shopping for a wedding dress. She was looking for a nice dress, but of course, had to weigh the style against the use she could get later. She finally selected a white one that buttoned up under her chin.
“Really, you could at least have a little fashion in your wedding.” Anna jerked her head up from looking in the mirror to see who was talking.
“Elena!” she exclaimed.
The brunette returned her greeting. “Anna, I heard you were getting married to Niki Rostov. Is that true?”
Anna regarded the other girl. Elena Biebler had been in her class last year. As the daughter of a high party official, she hadn’t had to get a job. Instead she’d gone off to the University in Kiev. Anna had heard she’d returned for the summer, but she hadn’t run into her before now. “Yes, we’re getting married on 10 July,” Anna bubbled.
“Well, you need something more stylish than that.” She moved closer to Anna. “Something that shows Niki what he’s going to get that night.” The taller girl had moved very close to Anna now. When she reached up and quickly squeezed one of Anna’s bounteous breasts, no one else in the store could see.
“Elena, quit that!” Anna jumped back, giggling at the gesture and blushing at the thought of Niki grabbing her.
“Here, let me help you find a dress that at least brings fashion up to the 1930’s; none of your provincial ideas and peasant modesty for that day. Isn’t that right, Helene,” Elena said to the shop girl. “We can’t let Anna be a provincial peasant on her wedding day, can we?”
Anna turned crimson as the shop girl, Helene, looked pityingly at her. It was true, Anna thought. Elena had always been the fashionable one in their class. The boys had hung around her even if she was very slender. Slender was not the word Anna used most of the time. Elena was downright skinny. If she turned sideways you could hardly tell her from a boy. From the back you could see her narrow hips and almost flat rear. Sideways, it wasn’t much better. She probably wore a padded bra to achieve what little effect she did. There was something about her personality though. She could manipulate the males, females too. Just like all the other Jews, her mother had said more than once. However, Anna had always thought the manipulation was more sexual. Elena had an air of the female predator that hunted when she wanted.
“Try this one on.” Elena thrust a cream-white dress at her.
I’m primarily interested in critique of plot and character development, although comments on grammar and spelling are always welcome.
You can see some of my previous stories at
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=155077&page=submissions
A short excerpt from my new story, Predjudice
Niki and Anna settled on a July wedding date. In late May Anna went shopping for a wedding dress. She was looking for a nice dress, but of course, had to weigh the style against the use she could get later. She finally selected a white one that buttoned up under her chin.
“Really, you could at least have a little fashion in your wedding.” Anna jerked her head up from looking in the mirror to see who was talking.
“Elena!” she exclaimed.
The brunette returned her greeting. “Anna, I heard you were getting married to Niki Rostov. Is that true?”
Anna regarded the other girl. Elena Biebler had been in her class last year. As the daughter of a high party official, she hadn’t had to get a job. Instead she’d gone off to the University in Kiev. Anna had heard she’d returned for the summer, but she hadn’t run into her before now. “Yes, we’re getting married on 10 July,” Anna bubbled.
“Well, you need something more stylish than that.” She moved closer to Anna. “Something that shows Niki what he’s going to get that night.” The taller girl had moved very close to Anna now. When she reached up and quickly squeezed one of Anna’s bounteous breasts, no one else in the store could see.
“Elena, quit that!” Anna jumped back, giggling at the gesture and blushing at the thought of Niki grabbing her.
“Here, let me help you find a dress that at least brings fashion up to the 1930’s; none of your provincial ideas and peasant modesty for that day. Isn’t that right, Helene,” Elena said to the shop girl. “We can’t let Anna be a provincial peasant on her wedding day, can we?”
Anna turned crimson as the shop girl, Helene, looked pityingly at her. It was true, Anna thought. Elena had always been the fashionable one in their class. The boys had hung around her even if she was very slender. Slender was not the word Anna used most of the time. Elena was downright skinny. If she turned sideways you could hardly tell her from a boy. From the back you could see her narrow hips and almost flat rear. Sideways, it wasn’t much better. She probably wore a padded bra to achieve what little effect she did. There was something about her personality though. She could manipulate the males, females too. Just like all the other Jews, her mother had said more than once. However, Anna had always thought the manipulation was more sexual. Elena had an air of the female predator that hunted when she wanted.
“Try this one on.” Elena thrust a cream-white dress at her.
