lizzie79uk
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hi, sorry to bother everyone, I had a story returned with a suggestion to find an editor!, can anyone help please?
need an editor
- Thread starter lizzie79uk
- Start date
I haven't edited recently but I'd be happy to take a look. PM me
lizzie79uk
Virgin
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hi, ty so much. it was returned due to new paragraphs for conversations.....its been a while since i was at school and as you can see i text way too much now!
The London to Lagos flight did sound exotic, it was one of the reasons I took the crew slot! But the realities of the lay over, the advice of ‘stay in your room; don't go out, it’s not safe!' Had ruined this trip. Even a 5 star hotel on the company tag, didn't make it any better. So as we waited for the last passengers to board, I was glad to leave!
I was going through the motions checking the ticket, taking the stub, 'hello, seat number....., that is to your right, to your left' etc. etc. The heat was oppressive, I was uncomfortable and in my own thought’s, my upcoming divorce and my perfect life going down the drain. It was then I was awakened from my reverie with a jolt of electricity! He stoked my hand! I looked up, six foot plus, broad shoulders and a big bright smile attached to a square jaw and bright blue eyes, piercing into mine. 'Thank you' he said in a deep confident tone, he stroked my fingers again and winked as I took his ticket stub from him. I nervously played with my wedding band, totally disarmed and staring at him as he walked to the rear of the plane.
Two hours later, drinks had been served, the captain had made his announcement, the lights were being dimmed, what our arrival time was and god knows what else? My mind was on the passenger at the back of the plane! He had become even more forward, as my colleague and I had walked the drinks trolley down the cabin, I had wanted to be offended but his look was so intent, full of desire. I had felt his hand on my calf and then slip under my skirt and stroke my inner thigh as I bent down for the perfume he had asked for! I had looked around instantly and was silenced by the sly grin on his face! I was frozen to the spot, electricity running through my body.
Note: No more than three paragraphs allowed on forums
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lizzie79uk
Virgin
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hiya, basically my grammar, specifically paragraphs around conversations.....its been a while since i was at school and as you can see i text way too much, so really need help. ill paste the story as i sent it in.....its been through microsoft word spell check, so i assumed it was ok?!......thanks for helping and sorry for any obvious mistakes, if i remember right i only got a grade c in english
The London to Lagos flight did sound exotic, it was one of the reasons I took the crew slot! But the realities of the lay over, the advice of ‘stay in your room; don't go out, it’s not safe!' Had ruined this trip. Even a 5 star hotel on the company tag, didn't make it any better. So as we waited for the last passengers to board, I was glad to leave!
I was going through the motions checking the ticket, taking the stub, 'hello, seat number....., that is to your right, to your left' etc. etc. The heat was oppressive, I was uncomfortable and in my own thought’s, my upcoming divorce and my perfect life going down the drain. It was then I was awakened from my reverie with a jolt of electricity! He stoked my hand! I looked up, six foot plus, broad shoulders and a big bright smile attached to a square jaw and bright blue eyes, piercing into mine. 'Thank you' he said in a deep confident tone, he stroked my fingers again and winked as I took his ticket stub from him. I nervously played with my wedding band, totally disarmed and staring at him as he walked to the rear of the plane.
Two hours later, drinks had been served, the captain had made his announcement, the lights were being dimmed, what our arrival time was and god knows what else? My mind was on the passenger at the back of the plane! He had become even more forward, as my colleague and I had walked the drinks trolley down the cabin, I had wanted to be offended but his look was so intent, full of desire. I had felt his hand on my calf and then slip under my skirt and stroke my inner thigh as I bent down for the perfume he had asked for! I had looked around instantly and was silenced by the sly grin on his face! I was frozen to the spot, electricity running through my body.
Note: No more than three paragraphs allowed on the forums
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CiaoSteve
Lonely Dreamer
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2015
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- 289
Here is my take on your 3 paragraphs
............................................................................
The London to Lagos flight did sound exotic. It was one of the reasons I took the crew slot! That said, the realities of the lay over, the advice of ‘stay in your room... don't go out... it’s not safe!' had ruined this trip. Even a 5 star hotel on the company tag, didn't make it any better. So, as we waited for the last passengers to board, I was glad to leave!
I was going through the motions, checking the tickets, taking the stubs, giving my courteous welcome 'hello, seat number... that is to your right, to your left' etc. etc. The heat was oppressive. I was uncomfortable, and consumed by my own thought’s--my upcoming divorce and perfect life going down the drain weighed heavily on my shoulders.
It was then that I was awakened from my reverie with a jolt of electricity! He stroked my hand! I looked up, gazing at a six foot plus hulk of a man; broad shoulders, a big bright smile attached to a square jaw, and bright blue eyes, the sort which pierced deep inside.
"Thank you," he said in a deep confident tone.
He stroked my fingers again and winked as I took his ticket stub from him. I nervously played with my wedding band, totally disarmed and staring at him as he walked to the rear of the plane.
Two hours later, drinks had been served. The captain made his announcement and the lights were dimmed for our overnight flight. My mind was still on the passenger at the back of the plane! He had become even more forward, as my colleague and I walked the duty free trolley down the cabin. I wanted to be offended, but his look was so intense, so full of desire.
He asked for a particular perfume and, as I bent down to get it, I felt his hand on my calf. He ran his hand up my leg, under my skirt, and began to stroke my inner thigh. I shot a look right at him, intent on giving him an appropriate piece of my mind. The sly grin on his face put pay to any resolve I might have had. I just stood there, electricity running through my body, my heart pounding fast.
............................................................................
So, the majority is grammatical; breaking sentences down into readable chunks, correcting punctuation on speech, keeping more or less to a single tense. If you take a look through the rest of the story in a similar fashion, it will most likely be ready to publish. I took a little artistic licence with the wording (I always do, which is bad of me as an editor) but only to illustrate the flow.
(and... I also only managed a C at school so there'll be others with different thoughts)
............................................................................
The London to Lagos flight did sound exotic. It was one of the reasons I took the crew slot! That said, the realities of the lay over, the advice of ‘stay in your room... don't go out... it’s not safe!' had ruined this trip. Even a 5 star hotel on the company tag, didn't make it any better. So, as we waited for the last passengers to board, I was glad to leave!
I was going through the motions, checking the tickets, taking the stubs, giving my courteous welcome 'hello, seat number... that is to your right, to your left' etc. etc. The heat was oppressive. I was uncomfortable, and consumed by my own thought’s--my upcoming divorce and perfect life going down the drain weighed heavily on my shoulders.
It was then that I was awakened from my reverie with a jolt of electricity! He stroked my hand! I looked up, gazing at a six foot plus hulk of a man; broad shoulders, a big bright smile attached to a square jaw, and bright blue eyes, the sort which pierced deep inside.
"Thank you," he said in a deep confident tone.
He stroked my fingers again and winked as I took his ticket stub from him. I nervously played with my wedding band, totally disarmed and staring at him as he walked to the rear of the plane.
Two hours later, drinks had been served. The captain made his announcement and the lights were dimmed for our overnight flight. My mind was still on the passenger at the back of the plane! He had become even more forward, as my colleague and I walked the duty free trolley down the cabin. I wanted to be offended, but his look was so intense, so full of desire.
He asked for a particular perfume and, as I bent down to get it, I felt his hand on my calf. He ran his hand up my leg, under my skirt, and began to stroke my inner thigh. I shot a look right at him, intent on giving him an appropriate piece of my mind. The sly grin on his face put pay to any resolve I might have had. I just stood there, electricity running through my body, my heart pounding fast.
............................................................................
So, the majority is grammatical; breaking sentences down into readable chunks, correcting punctuation on speech, keeping more or less to a single tense. If you take a look through the rest of the story in a similar fashion, it will most likely be ready to publish. I took a little artistic licence with the wording (I always do, which is bad of me as an editor) but only to illustrate the flow.
(and... I also only managed a C at school so there'll be others with different thoughts)
lizzie79uk
Virgin
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- Jun 2, 2022
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- 4
ty so much
.....and artistic license is good, I started writing these stories for a 'magazine' I help out with in 'Second life', but as 2 people have said specifically they would be good enough for 'Literotica' I thought I'd have a look and took the plunge! But I know my grammar and spelling are poor and probably write as I speak, so anything to polish it up is great ty.
McSmoothie
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 6, 2003
- Posts
- 1,199
Are you aware of the Editors page on the main webpage?
https://www.literotica.com/my/#/editors/editors
https://www.literotica.com/my/#/editors/editors
Yes, but when I've posted there in the past I tended to get Lit authors who wanted multi-editors to collaborate, or authors of stories not in my interest zones. This way I can pick and chose.
McSmoothie
Literotica Guru
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Fair enough. I only edit stories that come via that route.
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