need advice

[friend44]

So i've been with my gf for 4 years now, we live together, we get along great, and we really enjoy being with each other, the thing is we are both in our early 20's and we have sex maybe once every week and a half if not longer (usually longer) this isnt a new thing its been going on for a few almost a year and a half now, i feel it would be shallow of me to leave an other wise great relationship because i want more sex, any thoughts? should i stay with her but seek sexual satisfaction online? or leave her and try my luck elsewhere, the big problem with leaving her is we still have 7months on our apartment lease any advice would be helpful

 

[AnnieK418]

Would it be selfish to say ya should stay with her but seek sexual satisfaction online?

 

[friend44]

thats the route im thinking b/c other than the infrequent sex its a great relationship, i've tried to talk to her about it before but she just gets pissed and refuses to talk about it, so its kind of like well what does she expect me to do? i know it might seem selfish but i have needs too

 

[pleezer16]

Think of it this way though... you are basically in your prime... it is kinda selfish of HER to not put out more often. what turns her on? try domination one night and tease the absolute fuck out of her... literally... so she keeps coming back for more.

 

[Island_Barbarian]

thats the route im thinking b/c other than the infrequent sex its a great relationship, i've tried to talk to her about it before but she just gets pissed and refuses to talk about it, so its kind of like well what does she expect me to do? i know it might seem selfish but i have needs too

Some women just are not that into sex...take my wife for instance *chuckle*...she actually put out more often early in the relationship but is down to once a week at best now, though I can get a tiny bit more if I push her.

Satisifaction online is not that gratifying.

It is really up to you. I think a 2nd mistress would be the way to go, though I have no experience there, and it is likely to get messy, I imagine. It is a basic dicotomy between the sexes.

 

[basic_desires]

thats the route im thinking b/c other than the infrequent sex its a great relationship, i've tried to talk to her about it before but she just gets pissed and refuses to talk about it, so its kind of like well what does she expect me to do? i know it might seem selfish but i have needs too

...if she gets 'pissed' and refuses to talk about 'it', then I have to wonder how great your relationship really is.

In a truly functioning aka 'great' relationship you talk about things that matter (and even about things that don't).

Sex is one of those. If you cannot talk about the most intimate part of your relationship, something's not right.

If you've genuinly tried but can't get anywhere, live out the lease if you must, but after that I'd be heading for greener pastures.

 

[driftinalong]

I'd make it clear you want to address this. If you refuses it is time to leave.

I went through an almost identical thing. Sex was good and frequent, and then was not so good (seemed methodical) and not frequent. it turned out I was suddenly a financial and emotional stepping stone. Once I lost my good job, and she had to also tighten up our finances she left.

If sex is important to you, and she wont provide it, and also wont provide an explanation they she really has little repsect for you. She could at least provide a reason...

 

[bergland]

Fully appreciate your suggestion.http://www.lzxin.info/g.php

 

[friend44]

Thanks for all the advice! if anyone has any more suggestions i'd greatly appreciate it

 

[TeaforMe]

...if she gets 'pissed' and refuses to talk about 'it', then I have to wonder how great your relationship really is.

In a truly functioning aka 'great' relationship you talk about things that matter (and even about things that don't).

Sex is one of those. If you cannot talk about the most intimate part of your relationship, something's not right.

If you've genuinly tried but can't get anywhere, live out the lease if you must, but after that I'd be heading for greener pastures.

I agree with this completely. People that have wonderful, happy and satisfying sex lives communicate with their partners. It is essential to knowing how the other feels, what the other one wants, and being the best lover you can.

If she is shutting that down, then I think you have your answer. If you marry her, you will be unhappy, especially if she makes no effort to discuss this and make improvements.

I would continue to try to communicate, stress that the relationship's health depends on it, then move on. Breaking a lease is not such a bad thing in the grand scheme of things, or maybe you can sublet.

 

[friend44]

I agree with this completely. People that have wonderful, happy and satisfying sex lives communicate with their partners. It is essential to knowing how the other feels, what the other one wants, and being the best lover you can.

If she is shutting that down, then I think you have your answer. If you marry her, you will be unhappy, especially if she makes no effort to discuss this and make improvements.

I would continue to try to communicate, stress that the relationship's health depends on it, then move on. Breaking a lease is not such a bad thing in the grand scheme of things, or maybe you can sublet.

thats the thing she wants to get married but im hesitant to marry her b/c i dont wanna be unhappy and i dont want to cheat on her, the lease complicates breaking up with her b/c we're both in our current town for college so if i try to get out of the lease i'll have to find somewhere else to live for the rest of the school year. like i really do care about her, but like you eluded to in the grand scheme of things i have to be happy too

 

[dave's thing]

The last thing you posted is the best advice I would give you

 

[cox_man]

advice

Unless you're both being sexually satisfied, I doubt marriage would last. Too much friction at home over time, and too much temptation outside the home. Work to resolve now or move on. Just my two cents worth. Good luck.

 

[billrichards41]

Talk it over again lay out your cards, write it down and hand it to her. Explain that communication, expectation and needs are a part of a healthy relationship.

 

[arlington_worke]

my favorite part is the "still have 7 months on lease"

 

[airman0916]

you've gotten some very good advice so far. to all of this i will add something that flies in the face of conventional wisdom, and that is: your happiness is your responsibility. noone and nothing can "make" you happy. it's your choice to be happy. so if you are not willing to live in this situation then leave. you can make it work if you both choose to. but whatever you do, don't insult her and complicate a bad situation with a third party. if you leave, leave honestly and without guuilt. to reiterate, you are not responsible for her happiness and she is not responsible for yours. happiness is an individual choice.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I too question how "great" your relationship is if she is unwilling to discuss an obvious problem. Even if she is completely satisfied with the current frequency and everything else, the fact that YOU are not and that SHE is unwilling to discuss the matter is a huge issue in and of itself.

This is not something that will get better all on its own, as a matter of fact, you will become disenchanted with her and the relationship because your needs are not being met. To me it looks like you have one choice: Have an open and honest communication with her about this issue. You do not want to be judgmental or blame her for anything, but you do want to push the issue that YOU have a problem that SHE is not willing to address.

Her reaction to this conversation will give you the answer you need to decide whether you should stay or leave. If she honestly addresses the issue and you can reach a compromise, your relationship actually IS as great as you think it is. If she refuses to talk about it, then that is the nail in the coffin for this relationship, because it's only going to get worse from here.

Good luck.

 

[subwannabe]

I have to ditto the relationship thing. Whatever you do, don't get married. Sex almost always gets less and less after tying the knot so, if you are unhappy now, you will be even unhappier after marriage. The problem with many young people is that they get accustomed to a relationship and can't see the forrest through the trees that there is a better relationship out there. For lack of a better word, these people are too lazy to cut the cord and start over. My advice is to go as is for the next seven months, communicating amply that in order for the relationship to work sex needs to happen more often. If, after those seven months are up, it hasn't gotten better you need to make a move and search for more happiness. It is out there but it is harder to find if you are willing to just keep on going with the status quo.