need advice, please help

[snugglebugg]

Hello all, I'm very new to the discussion board as this is my first post, though I have been enjoying the Literotica stories for years.

I'm very embarrassed to be talking about this and came here as I believe it is a safe place to seek advice.

I'm a 21 yr old female and have no physical experience with this lifestyle though have been interested and excited by it for as long as I can remember. My boyfriend and I have been together some time now and as wonderful as our sex life is, I have never been able to have an orgasm with him or EVER IN MY LIFE!!! I feel miserable, and like a freak. I truly believe the only way I will be able to climax is through submission. How do I ask my boyfriend to do this for me?

I'm sure I sound crazy, but thank you in advance for any help you all may give.

 

[BeeBeestoy]

Your not crazy. Try asking him about his fantasies then after he has stated his. Tell him yours. Either that or just tell him. But that would be to simple.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

This question, or variations of it, has popped up more than a few times here. Maybe one of the good folks here could steer you toward some of the "How do I introduce [x] to BDSM," or "How do I get my bf/gf/SO to spank me," etc., threads.

Essentially, from my point of view, I'd suggest arranging somehow for him to "find" some of your favorite stories from Lit's BDSM section and see how he reacts. If he erects a tent in his pants while he's reading about spanking a bare behind or face-fucking a (mostly) unwilling female, you're halfway there.

Then... the best advice I can give for any person wanting to build a relationship that will last: communicate, communicate, communi-freakin'-cate!

 

[TerragonSix]

Communication is key. How is he supposed to know what you want or like if you don't let him know clearly?

I would attempt a slow withdrawal from the vanilla side of it, and on occasion, introduce more kinkier things. A little bit at a time. Start off by telling him you want it rough tonight, or something of that nature. Then, move forward from there. Maybe your boyfriend is a freak-in-the-closet. Maybe not, but he ought to be somewhat tolerant of trying new things.

Good luck.

 

[YourCaptor]

Have you tried other guys, maybe he just doesn't hit your spot.

Also, get dildo and explore and communicate.

 

[Jaydoes]

If you've never ever had an orgasm...I don't think it has anything to do with your bf's inabilities or lack of kinkiness...it's probably some psychological thing from your past. But I'm sure we can fix that..maybe you should let someone experienced work on that?
I'd be happy to give you advice at any time...just pm me.

 

[CutieMouse]

What are you doing? By that I mean do you masturbate when alone? Is there enough foreplay when together? Are you trying to climax through penetration, or clitoral stimulation? Us there any guilt/stress associated with sex? (morality, fear if pregnancy, etc) How experienced are both of you, and how long have you been sexually active?

 

[eastern sun]

I am only able to climax through submission (and even then only if the dominant party wants me to) or masturbation. I also was extremely shy as a young woman about expressing my sexual desires and needs. As in, completely tongue-tied. The advice to sit down and talk to my boyfriend would have simply made me feel even more withdrawn.

But ... there are many, many ways of communicating non-verbally what you're interested in. I'm not sure exactly what you want him to do, but when I wanted my ass fucked as a young woman, for instance, I would move just those couple of inches, and he'd press into the "wrong" hole. Often, the guy would be likely to balk (thinking he'd made a mistake) and move away, but because I really was attracted to guys with interesting sexualities, I would keep moving, and eventually they'd get the idea. I might have to speak at that point just to say, "yes, I want it" but the heat of the moment made it much easier than a conversation over the dinner table.

When I wanted to be restrained, I'd hold my wrists crossed above my head and arch my back just a little, and even if he didn't take the hint and pin my wrists (which usually happened), the position would feed my imagination and heighten my desire.

I also think as you're beginning to explore this sexuality it is perfectly reasonable to test his limits, and see whether and where he'll draw the line, which might mean being a bit bratty or resistant or aloof or whatever your personality lends itself to. If it confuses him, you may have to abandon your attitude in a heartbeat and be more clear in your intentions, but my point is simply that I think there are many, many ways of communicating beyond a checklist and clinical conversation.

Some people might say it's disingenuous and manipulative to communicate indirectly. I don't agree, unless you get pissed off or petulant when he doesn't respond the way you want him to. Then, I would agree; you need to be more direct because you're being unfair in your expectations of him. He might be able to read your body language, but he really can't read your mind.

It's now many years later, and I've gotten more comfortable talking about my sexuality, but I still get tongue-tied when I walk into new territory. Finding creative ways to communicate your fantasies is really part of the fun of any active sex life. Enjoy the process and don't get too fixated on the goal.

 

[Netzach]

Hello all, I'm very new to the discussion board as this is my first post, though I have been enjoying the Literotica stories for years.

I'm very embarrassed to be talking about this and came here as I believe it is a safe place to seek advice.

I'm a 21 yr old female and have no physical experience with this lifestyle though have been interested and excited by it for as long as I can remember. My boyfriend and I have been together some time now and as wonderful as our sex life is, I have never been able to have an orgasm with him or EVER IN MY LIFE!!! I feel miserable, and like a freak. I truly believe the only way I will be able to climax is through submission. How do I ask my boyfriend to do this for me?

I'm sure I sound crazy, but thank you in advance for any help you all may give.

First deal with the "EVER IN YOUR LIFE" part. What CM asked is on target. You are not a freak and should not be miserable, first off, there are plenty of women who have mixed success with the orgasm thing which is presented as a norm in porn and in media.

Some women just don't, also, generally, or just very rarely do. You'll find a very wide distribution. Look around online at some of the resources for women, sexuality, sex toys, orgasmic women, non orgasmic women, get plugged into the flow of info out there if you're not. (I'm assuming you may not be)

Because I can guarantee, if you're sure that you will ONLY ORGASM FROM SUBMISSION and you find that also isn't the case, it's going to be less of a letdown and less of another thing potentially getting your head into a bad space where you're less likely to.

What are your expectations on orgasm? Because if you're assuming that he just rams his cock repeatedly into you and there are fireworks ta da like in the movies, it's not the majority of people who have that work out for them.

 

[where]

being non-orgasmic is really no big deal unless you let it be.

 

[seela]

being non-orgasmic is really no big deal unless you let it be.

QFT.

Except that I can actually orgasm if forced, but I find the sensation physically and mentally unpleasant, so I rather don't. It's never stopped me from enjoying sex, though.

 

[where]

QFT.

Except that I can actually orgasm if forced, but I find the sensation physically and mentally unpleasant, so I rather don't. It's never stopped me from enjoying sex, though.

when I was very hung up on being non-orgasmic, I used to fantasise about the forced orgasm, but no dice. my clit laughs in the face of an hitachi wand.

I do orgasm through masturbation, but rarely bother and I still really enjoy sex. unless I hear the dreaded words, 'can you come?'

 

[SimonBrooke]

Hello all, I'm very new to the discussion board as this is my first post, though I have been enjoying the Literotica stories for years.

I'm very embarrassed to be talking about this and came here as I believe it is a safe place to seek advice.

I'm a 21 yr old female and have no physical experience with this lifestyle though have been interested and excited by it for as long as I can remember. My boyfriend and I have been together some time now and as wonderful as our sex life is, I have never been able to have an orgasm with him or EVER IN MY LIFE!!! I feel miserable, and like a freak. I truly believe the only way I will be able to climax is through submission. How do I ask my boyfriend to do this for me?

I'm sure I sound crazy, but thank you in advance for any help you all may give.

First, you're not alone and it doesn't just happen to women. I never climaxed with my first lover - we had a lot of good sex and I enjoyed it, but I never had an orgasm.

Secondly, either tell him your fantasies, or show him stories which turn you on, and (when he's read them) discuss them with him.