Need advice on how to let my wife know that my desires have increased recently.

[MaximTerhune]

I've been married for 18 years and the last 12 have been pretty vanilla and predictable concerning our sex life. Recently my sexual energy has exploded. I am getting myself off about 3 times a day. Watching porn involving milfs, stepmoms, jerk off encouragement, cum swapping compilations, handjob cumshots, girls working hard to see their guy shoot a load. Anything involving a hot, horny, woman my age taking some control. My wife is not very interested in sex at all right now. I have no desire to have a physical relationship with another woman, and I don't think she would want me to either. How should I slowly, politely and gently get her into the mood to get dirty with me? I can't help but think how nice it would be to have genuine feedback from her rather than rely on porn that has no physical or emotional connection with me.

 

[LoneMilf]

I assume you've tried talking to her, and that she has just shut down the conversations (that's how it usually goes, it seems).

If you are still intimate together, you could just try doing things slightly differently than normal. Change position/tempo/actions a bit and see how she responds to that. If there is some kind of positive response, build on that and keep trying to bring up the topic. That's kind of how I gradually corrupted my very vanilla husband when we first started out

Whatever you do, don't spring all your new desires on her in one go!

 

[MaximTerhune]

Thanks for your thoughtful response. We have discussed my increased libido and fantasies. She is comfortable and happy to know I want to share my desires with her, however she has told me that even though she won't participate she is fine with me pleasing myself. I stroked myself beside her in bed one night and she didn't say anything until the morning. She told me she would rather I do it privately. She says that she hopes the way she feels ends soon and I trust her. Meanwhile, I am relegated to watching porn and getting myself off! I do really enjoy it but I wish I could share some of my pleasure with another woman.

 

[LoneMilf]

I don't think I understood your situation correctly...
Are you still having sex with your wife?
And what is it that she hopes might be temporary?
Are you looking for advice on how to get her more engaged again or was your post more of an attempt at finding women to connect with online?

 

[MiaBabe23]

Tell her with your kiss

 

[MaximTerhune]

I don't think I understood your situation correctly...
Are you still having sex with your wife?
And what is it that she hopes might be temporary?
Are you looking for advice on how to get her more engaged again or was your post more of an attempt at finding women to connect with online?

Sorry, probably rambling a bit. We are not having any sex now and she does hope her desires come back. As well it seems like I made a poor attempt to find a woman to connect with online.

 

[MiaBabe23]

Sorry, probably rambling a bit. We are not having any sex now and she does hope her desires come back. As well it seems like I made a poor attempt to find a woman to connect with online.

I don’t understand the second half of that response, I think everyone is giving sincere responses here…?

 

[MaximTerhune]

They do seem like sincere responses. I'm worried I am coming across as an incoherent buffoon right now. I'm sorry for not expressing myself better. What I am mainly looking for is a woman to connect with online to share highly erotic fantasies with in an anonymous way. Until my wife becomes more engaged again. I hope this makes sense.

 

[LoneMilf]

What I am mainly looking for is a woman to connect with online to share highly erotic fantasies with in an anonymous way.

Nothing wrong with that.
Good luck

 

[RIPAphrodite]

Do the ancient art of the mating dance…

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

Has she had medical advice about her lack of libido? I know different medicaions can have an effect, plus menopause etc. There may be a simple reason why.

 

[eroticbum]

My wife has also been loosing interest in sex, her autoimmune disease does not help the situation. She will help me release some tension every 3 weeks, a partial blow job and finish with hand job. In mean time while I patiently wait I have other means of release without straying,
She knows what I do, and I explained why. She is fine with me exploring my body as long as she's not around. She does not like the pressure she feels when I take care of business. She also gets sad that she does not have the energy to have sex when she walks in on my one person session

 

[andthighbootsforall]

My wife has also been loosing interest in sex, her autoimmune disease does not help the situation. She will help me release some tension every 3 weeks, a partial blow job and finish with hand job. In mean time while I patiently wait I have other means of release without straying,
She knows what I do, and I explained why. She is fine with me exploring my body as long as she's not around. She does not like the pressure she feels when I take care of business. She also gets sad that she does not have the energy to have sex when she walks in on my one person session

Not sure of your range of age, but when was the last time your wife had a physical? Also, any significant changes at her work, loss of a family member friend? Is she overweight? Could it be that she just isn’t happy with the way her body looks?

 

[eroticbum]

Not sure of your range of age, but when was the last time your wife had a physical? Also, any significant changes at her work, loss of a family member friend? Is she overweight? Could it be that she just isn’t happy with the way her body looks?

Nothing major last 5 or so years. We're both 60, She does have an issue with her body and is not too happy about it. When we do get intimate I do my best to worship her body, make her feel great. And I do have fun, I love her curves.
Intercourse is painful for her,
She once said she could live without sex, that was said about 20 years ago.
Either way, when she does get active every 3 weeks it's amazing. I'll sometimes finger my ass while she sucks me, does not bother her,

 

[LMWM321]

Does your wife know the kind of porn you watch? ..If so, she may feel like it's your expectation of her.

I'm generally pro-porn, but I think it's very important that your wife understands that YOU understand porn is pure fantasy. ..That it's NOT what you expect of her in bed (or is it?). ..Sure, it may be fun watching porn that "involves milfs, stepmoms, jerk off encouragement, cum swapping compilations...." but that may be WAYYY beyond what your wife is comfortable with engaging in, play acting or maybe even talking about.

When I opened up to my wife about my porn interest, I promised her I'll always follow these sensible rules:

• I'll never look at stuff that isn't fully consensual, or isn't convincingly enjoyed by all. ..No choking/ gagging BJ's, no "barely-legal", no painful anal or anything where the woman looks anxious or unhappy. I find this easy b/c that kind of porn turns me off.
• I'll never compare the women's bodies with hers.. Indeed, my preference is for Mature porn where the women have bodies much like hers. I'll take watching 40-50+ year olds fucking over watching 20 and 30 year olds any day. To be enjoyable I need to be able to put myself in the scene and I'm not stupid enough to think younger women would have any interest in me.
• While I may propose new ideas I see in porn - like new toys, positions, etc.. - I'll never pressure her. I realize what I'm looking at amounts to fantasy. To make my wife feel bad about not doing what I see in porn would be like her making me feel bad for NOT being able to pick up and throw a train like the super-heros in the Marvel movies she enjoys

I'm happy to say that porn has been a net-positive for our sex life, but I suspect it's been disastrous for many others.

 

[OneOldBroad]

I've been married for 18 years and the last 12 have been pretty vanilla and predictable concerning our sex life. Recently my sexual energy has exploded. I am getting myself off about 3 times a day. Watching porn involving milfs, stepmoms, jerk off encouragement, cum swapping compilations, handjob cumshots, girls working hard to see their guy shoot a load. Anything involving a hot, horny, woman my age taking some control. My wife is not very interested in sex at all right now. I have no desire to have a physical relationship with another woman, and I don't think she would want me to either. How should I slowly, politely and gently get her into the mood to get dirty with me? I can't help but think how nice it would be to have genuine feedback from her rather than rely on porn that has no physical or emotional connection with me.

Baby, don't beat around the bush (sorry, I couldn't resist). Communication is the MOST important element in ANY relationship. Tell her EXACTLY how you feel. Only THEN can you come to an understanding of how to solve your dilemma. NOT communicating can eventually lead to resentment and even the breakup of your marriage.
Have you ever asked her why she has lost interest in sex? There are SO MANY possible and fixable reasons. Maybe you both just need to add a little spice to your recipe. If you truly love each other, it's worth a shot. Tell her! Her reaction may pleasantly surprise you.