NCmVoyeur, need your help again

[vic450]

Since my first post, NCmVoyeur, you have been the anchor for my ego. It seems one of my posts is getting viewed a lot. Currently, it's been viewed 9,675 times. I've only got one or two feedbacks for it. So, before I jump to conclusions and start strutting about - I'd like to get YOUR opinion on it.

Well, I'd like anyone's opinion on it really. NCmVoyeur especially though.

It is called 'Video Ch.1'

Thanks for your help.

Be well and safe,
Vic

 

[NCmVoyeur]

Take this . . .

Gosh, what am I, the resident wet-rag?

The read/voting thing has gone beyond puzzling to the annoyingly bizarre. 4 of my 6 stories have less than 800 reads. Yours is on the site for a week or so and hits nearly 10,000. Amazing.

Anyway, here's my take.

Some of my comments reflect that I've already read "Morning."

I can't tell if the male/female characters in these two stories are the same people or different. They are all so generic and bland they are indistinguishable.

The only observable difference in the stories is that 'Video' has the two other couples sitting nearby at the start. But they again are more like set pieces than real characters. No names, no description, virtually no dialogue, and surprisingly little interaction with the lead characters. I thought that their presence would create some real tension/embarrassment with the female protagonist; but apart from the one guy getting up to hit the head, they all remain motionless and transfixed to the tube. No furtive, suspecting glances, mischievous grins, reciprocating flirtations, etc. The male character starts out down that path with the teasing gesture with his finger (which for the life of me, I couldn't figure out). But the other guy never seems to look to see if more is coming.

In addition, the sexual action seemed largely identical to "Morning"--the guy gradually warming up the female with lots of kisses and touches (though here he gives her a little finger rub first), then proceeding to oral and then to intercourse; all done in the same alternating he/she pattern. (And I've now made up my mind about that pattern; I said in "Morning" that it had the potential to create an interesting point/counterpoint. By the second pass, it's feeling clinical and monotonous.)

I'd have liked to see you get more inside one of the characters' heads (in this case, the female, since she's the naturally self-conscious one) and explore her thoughts in-depth, so that the reader can experience the scene as she does. It might have been a good story to do in first person POV.

(Feeling sufficiently humbled?)

 

[vic450]

Use of the reader, they shouldn't just sit there and read...

NCmVoyeur,

First off, thank you for replying and taking the time to look at the story. And no, you're not the resident 'wet-rag'. As much as I dislike what you point out, I like the fact that you are honest about it and know what you like to see in my stories. (Or, I crave the pain so I can make it better.) Well, here goes..

Let me first comment on why my characters are so generic. I guess you can call it part of my laziness, but my thoughts were along this line; I don't know the readers' experiences nor do I know how they really think. But I do know they know what they like. (Does that make sense?) So I leave it generic enough, the readers' subconscious fills in the rest. This particular story I focused on the movements of the couple purely and on purpose. Granted, I should have thrown in more of the 'dangerous' element where the other two couples do, say or glance back (which I intend to revise, thanks to you). In the end, I believe in using the reader. They should not just sit there while I do all the work. Besides, it makes them feel like part of the action and hopefully they'll react. *cough* (Send feedback with how you reacted in detail to ... LOL.) Does *this* make sense?

So as far as characterization and character build up, I didn't do it on purpose. I want the reader to place him/herself into the character. Whether they react exactly like or similar to the way I portrayed them is completely up to them. Of course I hope they do, it is one of the main goals of the way I write.

Hmm, you don't like the alternating he/she pattern? Okay, again, my purpose for that is, outside of the obvious state of mind, is to show a build up, a imediate reaction. I guess it does not come across well or at all. I'll have to think of what I can do to remedy it.

Well, I plan on writing a real story. Nothing like the 'slice of fantasy' I've posted so far. I will be keeping in mind all your comments along with me 'getting inside the characters' heads' . LOL. Of course I'll hit you up for a comment first.

LOL. And yes, I am sufficiently humbled. I just now have a headache. I need to figure out how to re-work the way I write or the way I want to 'emote' the tension well enough to the readers' minds.

What is puzzling still, as it seems it is for you, is that my stories are viewed so much. No comments except from you and a few brave souls (totalling 6). With you the only person who gives the good AND the bad. (Oh excuse me, one other person gave me a true feedback -- I apologize, her Lit name escapes me at this time.)

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy and am even excited to get feedback saying that they've sent my story off to their boyfriend/girlfriend and will be trying to do this or that this weekend or this evening.

But Feedback! Feedback! We all, it seems, need Feedback. Well, I guess I'll start reading some stories and throw my Feedback in and hope it helps start a trend.

NCmVoyeur, again, thank you for your feedback. Just so you know, I believe I fixed the 'tense' problem in the Morning story. It's still pending post but it should be there by mid week. As for Video Ch.1, well, I'll either edit it or rework it completely. Or just write something new and make sure to avoid your disapproving stare at the screen!

As always, I wish for you all to be well and safe!

Vic (don't worry, I am keeping my day job...)

 

[NCmVoyeur]

Re: Use of the reader, they shouldn't just sit there and read...

Let me first comment on why my characters are so generic. I guess you can call it part of my laziness, but my thoughts were along this line; I don't know the readers' experiences nor do I know how they really think. But I do know they know what they like. (Does that make sense?) So I leave it generic enough, the readers' subconscious fills in the rest

I understand what you're saying. I see this as a discussion about the varying perspectives and philosophies that writers can have; not an attempt to convert you to a particular (my) outlook.

Yours, if I may develop a metaphor that I started with the 'bland' description--is akin to a cook handing a diner a plain(er) hamburger and letting him add the condiments and fixings as his imagination may prefer. If that works, for the reader and you, more power to you.

What I value as a 'diner' is the unique vision a talented chef can create. I want something to stand out--be it memorable characters, wit, catchy dialogue, humor, a unique narrative, romance or other emotion--in addition to the sex. It's even better if the sex scenes develop the story and the characters, rather than being merely gratuitous "I need a sex scene" addition. I don't think the reader 'does something' merely by filling in details such as whether the female is redhead or brunette, 30 years or 40. A reader in most cases shouldn't have to wonder how a character reacts emotionally; that's the author's job.

As a good example of what I mean, I'll mention a story by Gaucho that I read a few weeks ago called "A World of Possibilities." (A note to would-be readers: it does involve some m/m sex).

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=38750

The story is noteworthy for it's 1) development of the protagonist, 2) her interior monologues, which are illuminating and very funny, 3) great pacing, and 4) sex scenes which influence the outlook of the main character and add real meaning to the story. It is a story in every sense of the word, not merely a sexual episode.

But, as I said, Literotica is a large house and a spectrum of outlooks exists here.

 

[vic450]

Steak eater eh?

NCmVoyuer, thank you for clarifying that. Okay, I understand you and some readers are into substance. I respect that but I didn't write that way because I haven't had a feel for my own writing to be at that level yet. However, that being said and my jumping into Lit with this, I think I will give it a go.

As I haven't read the proffered story by Gaucho yet, I'll try to take some time tonight when I get home.

Now I am begging to ask someone that LIKED my writing style to tell us why they did. Because I'd like to keep that part of my writing (who wouldn't?) and incorporate it into a real story. A story, as NCmVoyuer says, that has everything. Story, plot, characterization, character growth and satisfactory reader fulfillment.

For the life of me, I've looked over my works and cannot find the clearly difined portion that people find they need to read and send to their friends or have their friends come on and read it. The stats for Video is now 10,143. The others are getting decent reads, but not growing as fast as Video Ch.1.

To date, I've gotten several more feedbacks, the most revealing is from someone who said the following:

What did I like about Rough Day?
Many of your woman's characteristics are similar to mine, so I found a sense of familiarity in the story. I too get very growly when I've had a rough day. Your man helps to relax the woman like i'd need for a man to relax me.
At the end of the story, she is a taker...I'm pretty submissive, but I could see myself being like that if I wanted something bad enough.

For me, this says I captured a feeling, a sense for the reader. I don't know where it begins and ends. Or maybe I think I do and that is the reason I hate to change it. But, NCmVoyuer, you find that my characters are bland, too generic and barely worth the effort and especially the time to read. I feel the need to change the characters also so they appeal to your standards also.

Maybe someone can help me find a happy medium.

Well, I did not mean for this post to be so long. Thanks and I look forward to a reply.

Be well and safe!
Vic

 

[NCmVoyeur]

All things to all people

But, NCmVoyuer, you find that my characters are bland, too generic and barely worth the effort and especially the time to read. I feel the need to change the characters also so they appeal to your standards also.

Why? My tastes are not in line with the majority of Lit. readers.

If nothing else, this dialogue has inspired me to finally change my tagline. Take heart from it.

 

[vic450]

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.. or the one?

Vic