Naughty versions of Christmas songs

[sophia jane]

Eric and I are trying to taint the 12 Days of Christmas, but I'm hopelessly uncreative about that kind of thing, so I thought maybe everyone might want in.

Anyone know any naughty lyrics for the twelve days of Christmas? Or any other Xmas songs for that matter.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

On the first day of Christmas some bastard gave to me, a @#$%^* STD!

Next?

 

[eric shawn listo]

Silent night, Holy!! Tight!!
Angels cum at the sight!
Round young virgin
She is no more!

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I came upon a midnight clear.

 

[Guest]

Hell. You're all going to hell.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Hell. You're all going to hell.

I'm driving the bus...get on.

 

[sophia jane]

Hell. You're all going to hell.

Lmao. At least we'll be in good company.

 

[eric shawn listo]

Jingle balls, jingle balls

 

[ABSTRUSE]

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two Ben Wa Balls....

 

[eric shawn listo]

I'll have a blue ball Chritmas without you

 

[ABSTRUSE]

On the third day of Christmas my main squeeze gave to me...three French kisses...

 

[sophia jane]

I'll have a blue ball Chritmas without you

Oh that's just wrong. And very funny.
I knew I could count on Abs to come up with some good ones, too.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Oh that's just wrong. And very funny.
I knew I could count on Abs to come up with some good ones, too.

I have a child's mind.


On the fourth day of Christmas my best friend gave to me, four mating birds....(we needed the eggs)

 

[ABSTRUSE]

FIIIIIIIIIIIIVE nipple rings!!!!

 

[eric shawn listo]

Silver balls, silver balls
It's Christmas time in her kitty

 

[sophia jane]

FIIIIIIIIIIIIVE nipple rings!!!!

Ouch.

 

[sophia jane]

Silver balls, silver balls
It's Christmas time in her kitty

Oh, that one is really really good.

 

[eric shawn listo]

Deck the balls with blows and kisses

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Six vibes for playing

Seven sperm a swimming

Eight breasts for licking

Nine lap dances

Ten yards of leather

Eleven ft of soft rope

Twelve days for cumming.

Whew.

 

[impressive]

FIIIIIIIIIIIIVE nipple rings!!!!

*applause*

 

[sophia jane]

Six vibes for playing

Seven sperm a swimming

Eight breasts for licking

Nine lap dances

Ten yards of leather

Eleven ft of soft rope

Twelve days for cumming.

Whew.

Very well done there, Abs. Thanks.

 

[impressive]

Naughty Christmas Carols?

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's\looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing.

The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."

The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way."

The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent.

Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells.

The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing........ "Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"


(Blame Google)

 

[eric shawn listo]

Naughty Christmas Carols?

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's\looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing.

The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."

The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way."

The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent.

Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells.

The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing........ "Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"


(Blame Google)

Ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho!!!

 

[sophia jane]

Ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ho ho!!!

That your Santa impersonation, Eric?

 

[Tom Collins]

I'm driving the bus...get on.

I'm fuckin' wid dah brakes so we got no hope of stoppin'!

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A condom in a rubber tree.

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree.

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French whores,
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree..

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four sexy birds,
Three French whores,
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree..

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden cock rings,
Four sexy birds,
Three French whores,
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree..

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six fags a-laying me,
Five golden cock rings,
Four sexy birds,
Three French whores,
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree..

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven swats a-paining me,
Six fags a-laying me,
Five golden cock rings,
Four sexy birds,
Three French whores,
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree..

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking me,
Seven swats a-paining me,
Six fags a-laying me,
Five golden cock rings,
Four sexy birds,
Three French whores,
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree..

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine lads lap dancing,
Eight maids a-milking me,
Seven swats a-paining me,
Six fags a-laying me,
Five golden cock rings,
Four sexy birds,
Three French whores,
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree..

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-long dicking me,
Nine lads lap dancing me,
Eight maids a-milking me,
Seven swats a-paining me,
Six fags a-laying me,
Five golden cock rings,
Four sexy birds,
Three French whores,
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree..

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piercing me,
Ten lords a-long dicking me,
Nine lads lap dancing,
Eight maids a-milking me,
Seven swats a-paining me,
Six fags a-laying me,
Five golden cock rings,
Four sexy birds,
Three French whores,
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree..

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers banging me,
Eleven pipers piercing me,
Ten lords a-long dicking me,
Nine lads lap dancing,
Eight maids a-milking me,
Seven swats a-paining me,
Six fags a-laying me,
Five golden cock rings,
Four sexy birds,
Three French whores,
Two butt plugs,
And a condom in a rubber tree!

That's literally off of the top of me noggin'.
Here's hoping you likes. *Lifts glass in salute to all*