Narrative

[ChastitySmith]

A call for assistance. I want to write my story using a narrative, at times, between the character's conversation. Here is what I need to know: Is it more satisfying for the reader to see something like like this:

"Relax, dear," Grace told her brother. "I'm going to show you what we refer to as the happy ending to a massage."

Grace did not immediately grab Aaron's firmly erect penis, instead running her oily hands from his inner thighs, just lightly brushing his scrotum, up over his chest and neck, to gently massage his temples.

or

Grace didn't immediately grab Aaron's dripping, hard cock, but ran her oily hands from his inner thighs, brushing them against his large, cum filled balls, up over his chest and neck...

Edited to add that I have read the recent 'Perspective' thread several times. http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=941973

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

http://www.billcberger.com/journal/tag/dialogue

Get a copy of a George V. Higgins novel. The article is right, Higgins is the gold standard for dialog.

 

[PennLady]

Either is fine. I'm not sure I understand the question. Of course it's fine to have descriptive passages like that in a story. If you didn't, you wouldn't have a story.

 

[horrorotica]

Write what you like and don't worry so much about the reader. The first person you need to satisfy is yourself. Trying to write what you think readers may want can be a slippery slope to mediocrity. Always write to please yourself first.

 

[peterlychen]

The article is right, Higgins is the gold standard for dialog.

Thanks for the link. Personally when I read, I like a mixture of them both. Dialogue tells me about the character while passage text describes more of the surroundings.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Thanks for the link. Personally when I read, I like a mixture of them both. Dialogue tells me about the character while passage text describes more of the surroundings.

Higgins generally blends the narrative with the dialog. His characters are long-winded.

 

[ChastitySmith]

Either is fine. I'm not sure I understand the question. Of course it's fine to have descriptive passages like that in a story. If you didn't, you wouldn't have a story.

Thank you, PennLady.

Two questions, really, and I was not clear on the second. Which was using 'dirty' words, rather than clinical, what some people may think of as more 'proper'. But you know, I think horrorotica many have nailed it: "Write what you like and don't worry so much about the reader. The first person you need to satisfy is yourself"

JAMESB JOHNSON, thanks for the George V. Higgins suggestion.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Thank you, PennLady.

Two questions, really, and I was not clear on the second. Which was using 'dirty' words, rather than clinical, what some people may think of as more 'proper'. But you know, I think horrorotica many have nailed it: "Write what you like and don't worry so much about the reader. The first person you need to satisfy is yourself"

JAMESB JOHNSON, thanks for the George V. Higgins suggestion.

Here's another snippet.

"She had rouged her cheeks to a color otherwise seen only on specially ordered Pontiac Firebirds, and in her ears she wore two feathered appliances resembling surfcasting jigs especially appetizing to striped bass.”

You wont waste your time checking Higgins out.

 

[PennLady]

Thank you, PennLady.

Two questions, really, and I was not clear on the second. Which was using 'dirty' words, rather than clinical, what some people may think of as more 'proper'. But you know, I think horrorotica many have nailed it: "Write what you like and don't worry so much about the reader. The first person you need to satisfy is yourself"

JAMESB JOHNSON, thanks for the George V. Higgins suggestion.

I agree with horrorotica -- write for yourself. I think if you like the end result, so will readers.

As for the words to use, that depends a lot on the story and which words you think are appropriate for the scene.

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

http://www.billcberger.com/journal/tag/dialogue

Get a copy of a George V. Higgins novel. The article is right, Higgins is the gold standard for dialog.

JBJ has his shit together. He also recommended a book called "Style" that's kicking around here somewhere. Excellent book. JBJ. Author?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

JBJ has his shit together. He also recommended a book called "Style" that's kicking around here somewhere. Excellent book. JBJ. Author?

JOSEPH M. WILLIAMS

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

JOSEPH M. WILLIAMS

It's one of the best I've ever read. There's a lot of 'writing help' crap out there.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It's one of the best I've ever read. There's a lot of 'writing help' crap out there.

STYLE is excellent.

A WRITERS COACH by Jack Hart is good, too.

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

STYLE is excellent.

A WRITERS COACH by Jack Hart is good, too.

I won't even hesitate. I'm ordering it. Cheers.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I won't even hesitate. I'm ordering it. Cheers.

Its a good practical book. It starts with, MY FATHER NEVER HAD TRUCK DRIVERS BLOCK.

And his point is valid, if you know how to build a birdhouse whats the holdup? Then he goes on to list where we mess up.

 

[slyc_willie]

Two questions, really, and I was not clear on the second. Which was using 'dirty' words, rather than clinical, what some people may think of as more 'proper'. But you know, I think horrorotica many have nailed it: "Write what you like and don't worry so much about the reader. The first person you need to satisfy is yourself"

This is really the only way to write. Use whatever words you feel fit the scene, without regard for how they may be interpreted by readers. Some may think an overuse of cock, pussy, cum, cunt, dick etc. makes for a juvenile story, while others just think it's edgy and hot. Whatever you write, there will be an audience for it.

Personally, I've changed my use of certain descriptive terms in my stories to fit what I considered to be the mood of the characters. If I have a straight-laced, clinical-minded person, he is going to be stroking his phallus as opposed to jacking his cock. Word choices like that can convey to the reader facets of the character's personality with only a few words.

 

[GradeACdnBeef]

Its a good practical book. It starts with, MY FATHER NEVER HAD TRUCK DRIVERS BLOCK.

And his point is valid, if you know how to build a birdhouse whats the holdup? Then he goes on to list where we mess up.

I like that point. Neil Young said he wrote lyrics as well when he wasn't into it as when he was inspired. He also said he realized that writing while drunk or stoned produced crap more often than not. Last video of him I saw, he and some friends were standing around in a circle passing a baggie. It was filled with prunes.

 

[Tx Tall Tales]

http://www.billcberger.com/journal/tag/dialogue

Get a copy of a George V. Higgins novel. The article is right, Higgins is the gold standard for dialog.

Ditto this.

After writing for a couple of years, I joined a writing group who tore my shit apart. An editor there suggested trying to write in the style of other writers for practice, and to get a feel for different styles. She gave me three books to learn from.

The Friends of Eddie Coyle was one of them.

The other two were by Elmore Leonard, and Judy Blume. Certainly not what I'd been expecting. I thought she'd suggest Hemingway, Steinbeck, maybe David Foster Wallace. Judy Blume?

It was an education. Unfortunately I still have a lot to learn, but if you want to write great dialogue, READ great dialogue with a critical eye.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Ditto this.

After writing for a couple of years, I joined a writing group who tore my shit apart. An editor there suggested trying to write in the style of other writers for practice, and to get a feel for different styles. She gave me three books to learn from.

The Friends of Eddie Coyle was one of them.

The other two were by Elmore Leonard, and Judy Blume. Certainly not what I'd been expecting. I thought she'd suggest Hemingway, Steinbeck, maybe David Foster Wallace. Judy Blume?

It was an education. Unfortunately I still have a lot to learn, but if you want to write great dialogue, READ great dialogue with a critical eye.

I just discovered David Mamet, and ordered a couple of his collected essays.

 

[Tx Tall Tales]

“As you all know first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anyone wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.”

David Mamet.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

“As you all know first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anyone wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.”

David Mamet.

Story of my life.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

I like that point. Neil Young said he wrote lyrics as well when he wasn't into it as when he was inspired. He also said he realized that writing while drunk or stoned produced crap more often than not. Last video of him I saw, he and some friends were standing around in a circle passing a baggie. It was filled with prunes.

Here's Neil Young doing what he does best: Powderfinger

 

[Weird Harold]

Two questions, really, and I was not clear on the second. Which was using 'dirty' words, rather than clinical, what some people may think of as more 'proper'.

One way to decide on word choices is to think of your narrative voice as "The Narrator" and assign a personality. Is your narrator a foul-mouthed old prospector telling a story 'round a campfire or a society matron passing along an explicit bit of gossip? "Who" is telling the story makes a big difference in the way the story is told.

 

[ChastitySmith]

Thank you one and all. I sincerely mean that.