My Zombie Shelter (open to everyone)

[celestialdragon]

Somehow, through my tears I had fallen asleep.
I was dreaming. About that morning.
The six of us- me, James, Jazz, Amber, Mark, and Fang- were walking. James and I were up front, since we had the best eyes. Jazz and Fang were in the middle, while Amber and Mark took up the rear. I was laughing with James, sharing secret thoughts, when I heard a groan. I turned back, looked at my friends. They all looked pretty much okay.
I looked ahead, and saw about four zombies headed our way. "Hey, guys, weapons ready," I motioned. James brought up his sabre and his SIG. I grabbed my katana. Jazz had a baseball bat, Mark the Tommy, Amber a slingshot, and Fang a Viking broadsword.
By this time, there were seven of the fuckers. Then ten. Then fourteen.
We all started moving. But as one would fall, two more would take their place.
First to go was Jazz. She never really stood a chance. Fang was next, trying to save her.
I looked around in time to see a zombie latch onto Amber. While I got it off of her, James got surrounded.
"Kristi!" I turned around and saw about twenty of them, surrounding him.
"JAMES!" I cried. I ran toward him, cutting down zombies in my path. "Don't worry, I'll get to you!"
"Kristi! Don't!" I saw the look of defeat in his eyes as I cut another down. "I'll be fine, love. Just don't forget me. . . "
"NO! JAMES! I'LL GET TO YOU!" I yelled defiantly, hacking another one.
"Kristi, it's too late," he said. "Run. Run you clever girl. And remember me."
"NO IT'S NOT!" I cried. Tears rolling down my cheeks. "I CAN SAVE YOU!"
"RUN!" James commanded. I saw tears rolling down his face, his bright blue eyes telling me that I'll be better off not seeing this. I stayed, fighting, trying to save him.
They ripped him to shreds. I know they did, I saw it.
When all was said and done, and Mark was mourning for Amber, I sat there. In the dust. Staring at James's remains. "James. . ." I whispered. I found the dog tag that I had made for him. It read 'Once a while, in the midst of ordinary lives, Love gives us a fairy tale.'
I woke up crying loudly.

 

[prettyserpentine]

As he confessed the murder to me, I wondered if I was the first person he had ever told it to. The look in his eyes told me he hadn't. It was perfectly understandable. I myself couldn't say anything. I had been there when the man I had chosen to share my life with had chosen death over survival. I had been the one who had to destroy the thing that had become our daughter. The first time I had ever fired a gun, and I had aimed it at her little heart. I blinked my eyes, trying to dispel the terror I had felt when she had flown back against the wall and then kept coming. I shivered violently.

Randy was still talking. About the compromises we have all made. I was still trembling. God knows how many of us had killed loved ones, murdered other people. This was the world now. How human were we expected to be? I felt panic rise within me. I couldn't do this.

All we can do is try to find that little spark of ourselves that may be left in the deep dark recesses that we don't let anyone see, and build it into a big enough blaze to continue on. He looked tortured, and I felt for him. I moved towards him, and raised my right hand, gently touching his cheek. His beard was rough, adding to the tortured look. It was a nice sentiment, the spark thing. Even though I really felt mine had died to embers. I lowered my hand to over his heart, and rested it there for a second, tapping my fingers. "I can still see that spark. Your wife and son wouldn't disparage your choices. Hell, I'm glad you made yours too." I looked down at my hand, gritting my teeth a little before pulling away again, not wanting to overstep my bounds.

 

[gearhead73]

When I had finished trying to put the things we had said and done in perspective, there wasa moment that we just stood looking into one another's eyes. It struck me that I didn't see any signs of anger or disgust after hearing that I had dispatched another person for nothing more than revenge.To the contrary, she closed the distance between us once more and laid her hand gently on the side of my cheek.
I can't explain it, but for some reason we had a kindship of sorts. Two tortured people telling themselves and each other how that they didn't feel that they deserved to be alive, but still willing to give everything they had to stay that way. Our situations were so different, but they had affect us the same way. We were broken, and hurt, and even though we couldn't admit it, we needed someone.
Her hand moved form my scruffy face to my chest covering where whatever was left of my heart resided.
"I can still see that spark. Your wife and son wouldn't disparage your choices. Hell, I'm glad you made yours too."
She was right about that. If things would have turned out differently, Fiona would have tracked that bastard down, jerked a knot in his ass, killed him, revived him and then killed him again for spite. She had been blessed with a heart of gold but God himself would have stepped aside and let her do whatever she wanted when came to family. Thinking back, that is one of the lessons that I had taken from our time together.
Pan had recoiled from the touch and I understood. We had only met a few hours ago, and although we were alike in so many ways, I had shot at her.
"Thank you for that. I think Fiona would have done the same for me."
Suddenly there was what sounded like a scream followed by loud sobbing from inside the compound. As a reflex I grabbed the Kimber, reinserted the mag and chambered a round.
"What the fuck?"

 

[prettyserpentine]

It didn't sound like a scream of the perilous type. I recognised the type of sobbing. I'd heard it myself so many times. I glared at Randy as he loaded a chamber into his gun.

"Typical." I scowled at him. "Don't recognise the sound of crying much. You're the shoot first, ask questions later type, I forgot..." I tried to smile but I knew there was only one other woman on the compound. That I knew of. And I hadn't seen her since she'd finished stitching me.

I started to walk, looking around the back of the stables, near the tree I'd been at.

"Kristi?! Where are you? Answer me!" I hissed more than shouted. You never know what's just around the corner. I was a firm believer in that after the evening I was having.

 

[celestialdragon]

I heard someone calling my name. Female, that much I knew. In my state, I really didn't care who it was, as long as they recoginized that I wasn't okay.

"Over here!" I called out between sobs. I clutched at the dogtag around my neck.

 

[prettyserpentine]

I followed the sound of her voice and found her sitting off by a little shed on her own. I knelt down in front of her, she was holding something that hung from around her neck by a chain. Her own baggage. She was curled up, and I put my hand on her knee.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I said, smiling at her sympathetically.

 

[celestialdragon]

I nodded. "I had managed to fall asleep. . . I dreamed about that morning. . . " I took in a deep breath. "We were just walking, about sunrise, when we got surrounded. It was almost like an ambush. Two of my friends were down, one was already bitten, when I heard my boyfriend call my name. He was surrounded."

The tears started falling again. "I. . . I fought harder than ever, trying to get to him, trying to save him. He told me to run, and I didn't. 'Run you clever girl, and remember me,' he had said. We were both pretty big Dr. Who fans. I didn't. He told me he didn't want me to see him die. I still tried to save him. . . They tore him to shreds. His body was everywhere. . .it was horrible." I clutched my dogtag tighter. "Out of the six of us, two remained, a good friend of mine and myself. Mark went mad. His best friend had been bitten, and he had to kill her. He tried to kill me one night, thinking I had been bitten but wasn't reacting to it. I had to shoot him."

I held out my dogtag. "That was maybe three weeks after everything started. I've carried this since." I took another deep breath, trying to control the tears. "It was James's. . . I had given it to him for our one year. . .He never took it off. . . "

 

[prettyserpentine]

"I know how it feels to miss someone. Like a void in your chest you can't fill. But James would be glad to know that you're surviving, Kristi. They're just dreams, sweetie. Echoes of reality. Soon they'll not be so bad. You'll make new memories and they'll ease the pain."

I squeezed her knee supportively. And then I lied to her. "Believe me. Dreams fade." I immediately felt that ache in my own chest. She and I could have been friends in a world that wasn't an apocalypse. Maybe we still could. She was just a kid. Only nineteen. I thought about what Mara would have been like at that age and I bit down on the inside of my lip to keep it together.

"I'm here. Any time you need anything. If you want to talk, cry, scream, I'm here." I brushed her hair behind her ear and wiped a tear off her cheek. "Except about Dr Who, honey. I have taste." I winked at her and carried my tea back towards the main building, scowling in Randy's direction.

 

[gearhead73]

I followed Pan around the stables and over to a small shed where "River" sat sobbing. I scanned the area looking for something that would have elicited a scream, but saw nothing. Pan knelt down and after some gentle prodding was able to get "River" to share the gruesome story of losing the friends she had been traveling with.
It was sad they we all had experienced so much loss and over such a relatively short period of time. Between the scumbags that still lived and walkers it is a wonder that any of us had made to this place.
"I know how it feels to miss someone. Like a void in your chest you can't fill. But James would be glad to know that you're surviving, Kristi. They're just dreams, sweetie. Echoes of reality. Soon they'll not be so bad. You'll make new memories and they'll ease the pain."
Pan was trying her best to console "River" and as convincing as she sounded, I had seen the pain in her eyes during our moment by the Subaru.
"Believe me. Dreams fade." she said and I could hear her masking the lie. It was noble really, the most caring thing I had seen anyone do for another in so long, that I didn't thinks acts of kindness still existed. Pan was good people, and I felt lucky that I had met her.
After a little more talk Pan got up and headed back to the compound flashing me an angry look as she passed.
I caught up with her before she made it through the door.
"Hey, Pan, what was that for?"

 

[prettyserpentine]

What was that for? I sighed and rinsed my cup, looking up at him a little wounded. "You're very gung ho. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's a handy way to be but with human beings you kind of need to chill a bit. You could have killed me out there tonight. And going chasing looking for Kristi while you're toting a piece wouldn't really help her at all. Maybe you need to be a bit more, I don't know, listening instead of mindlessly violent?" I dried the cup and set it back with the rest. I leaned down, my arms on the tabletop, my hair swept over my shoulder as I arched my back, stretching. I looked up at him again, looking at me. "I hope you don't think I'm being too much of a bitch."

 

[gearhead73]

I could feel the tension returning in my jaw.
'The fuckin nerve!' I thought as I did my best not to explode. I took a deep breath and tried to organize my thoughts.
"Pump your brakes there a minute sweetheart. Before you continue to lecture me on the dos and don'ts how about we get a few things straight. I am not gung ho, but I am fucking careful. Yeah, I could have killed you out there, but if I remember things correctly you had Satan's bat in your hand when we met. Further, form what my poor male brain can reconstruct of the last few moment, I was cleaning my gun, when we went all Days Of Our Lives before River screamed!"
The more I talked the angrier I got. I took a step closer to Pan glaring as hard as I could into her eyes trying to leave no room for misunderstanding.
"Lastly, although traipsing off into the darkness during the FUCKING END OF DAYS prepared may seem, how did you say it, mindlessly violent; I can deal with that. I may not be the strong silent type that used to be the standard for males, but let me tell you....in a fight, death at the door, I would want ME instead of Gandhi to have my back!"

 

[prettyserpentine]

I rose up to my full height as he approached me, anger in his voice. He was a good bit taller than me but I would be fucked if he was going to intimidate me. I squared my shoulders and looked back at him with a clear, defiant green gaze.

"Don't you dare yell at me, Randy! We have both looked around this place and there are no walkers here so you can drop the guard for five fucking minutes and stop fucking SCREAMING at me! I never asked you to be the strong silent type, I just asked you to have a little more consideration! Get your shit together!"

My voice pitched high, Joel always used to tell me he could see the fury of the ancient when I yelled. I trembled with anger, and yeah, a little fear, but it felt kind of good. I felt alive. I looked at Randy, the muscles in his jaw jumping and the rage in my gaze turned to molten lava. I wanted to slap him. I felt this absolute rush of emotion through me and I just threw both my arms out and shoved him, hard. I might not be a big woman, but I wouldn't let him tramp all over me.

"Don't you dare try and scare me either!! I'm not some kid, Randy! I've come through enough, and don't try to think a Days of our Lives moment is going to soften me up to a prick like you!" I was literally shivering with rage. I couldn't look at his eyes... I couldn't see the softness I knew was there because I would lose my resolve. I hadn't felt life like this in a long time. I felt like I was on fire. I took a deep breath and glared back up at him.

 

[gearhead73]

"Don't you dare yell at me, Randy! We have both looked around this place and there are no walkers here so you can drop the guard for five fucking minutes and stop fucking SCREAMING at me! I never asked you to be the strong silent type, I just asked you to have a little more consideration! Get your shit together!"
She was squalling at me in this brain meltingly high pitch as if possessed by a thousand banshees. She lunged forward as hard as she could with the palms of her hands and pushed me back. I lost my balance and for a moment I thought I had managed to enter into another stand off. I crashed backward into the wall next to the door and cut my shoulder in a fire extinguisher that was hanging there.
"Don't you dare try and scare me either!! I'm not some kid, Randy! I've come through enough, and don't try to think a Days of our Lives moment is going to soften me up to a prick like you!"
I regained my footing and stood breathing heavily. I have had this feeling before. The anger, the rage, the willingness to do anything to win and stay alive. I looked down to my side where my hand surrounded the grip of my Kimber. The cool steel of the frame familiar, maybe too familiar on my skin.
I looked back at Pan standing there, panting, ready for the fight that was coming. But I didn't want to fight. I was tired, and aggravated and just needed to get away, be by myself and think.
"I never meant to hurt you Pandora, I was actually trying to sa...it doesn't matter." I said in a low tone. I turned to leave and head back to the tower. Maybe I was too far gone. Maybe I would be better on my own. Maybe, they would be safer, if I found another place to stay. Maybe...
I stopped as I turned into the hallway, and turned back to her.
"I'm...I'm sorry Pandora." I needed to get away and try to make up my mind.

 

[prettyserpentine]

The second he walked out the door I put my head in my hands and burst into angry tears. I stormed into the other room, nearly taking the door off. "I'm not staying here. This was a monumentally bad idea." I found the room where I'd hung my clothes to dry. I stripped off the shirt and trousers I had borrowed and pulled on my jeans. I lifted my tee shirt over my head and smoothed it down. Star Wars. God.

I went back into the kitchen, still choking angry sobs and I stuffed the bear and scrapbook into the backpack. I slung it over my shoulder and lifted my bat. I stood there for what felt like an eternity, trying to decide whether to stay or go. I'd been fine against the undead. Absolutely fine until I had come across other humans. I didn't need them. The world was gone to hell, we were all on borrowed time. I figured it was pointless finding Kristi. I'd only ruin everything I'd tried to tell her before and I genuinely cared about the girl. I was stupid to think that people hadn't changed in these circumstances. I concentrated my thoughts on what was outside. I had survived fine. I would do it again.

I set my jaw, wiped my face, and stalked off towards the front gate.

 

[gearhead73]

I was tired, and pissed off, and just tired of dealing with all of the emotional bullshit that comes from being around other people. All of their whining and crying about this and that, and how bad things were and how others had been, were rubbing my nerves raw.
"I'm not some kid..." she had said like that fact wasn't blatantly obvious!
What pissed me off is why she wasn't acting like she wasn't a kid. Things are bad out there, or they were in the places I had been. In the cities, towns and camps that I had been in an around, you didn't say you were tough, you had to prove it. By the time you would get the words out of your mouth, you would be choking on the blood from the cut across your neck.
I was putting the gun cleaning supplies back in Mike's kit when Pan come flying out the door of the compound. She was walking with purpose toward the gate. She had almost reached when it dawned on me that she had her old clothes on and the backpack and devil bat where with her. I sprinted after and reached her just as she reached where you unlatch the and open the front to leave the compound.
"Where the fuck are you going Pan?"

 

[prettyserpentine]

I turned on him, whipping my hair out of my eyes and spitting my words out with venom. "Well, it's such a nice night I was thinking of maybe travelling into the woods for a little fucking camping trip." I glared up at him. "Maybe get a wine cooler. Have a conversation with a few dozen undead. You know. The type who don't try and shoot you and break your face." I turned away from him and surveyed the gate. "I don't know why you give a shit anyway."

My head nearly exploded in an array of colours as I saw the gate had been padlocked. "I don't fucking believe this!" I started looking for somewhere to climb. If I didn't get out of here soon, I was going to kill this guy. I'd rather release my pent up energy on the undead. I turned and looked at Randy again, seething. "This is all your fault!"

 

[gearhead73]

"My fault! Are you outside of your goddamned mind?"
This bitch was really starting to try my patience. It's the middle of the fucking night and I am having a pissing match with the designated hitter for the Arizona Idiots.
"Please, enlighten me, exactly what have I done to fuck up her majesty's plans now?"

 

[prettyserpentine]

"You brought me here! Why?!" I pointed my bat at him. "Why couldn't you have just left me out there to die?!" I coughed out a sob and my eyes filled up. I turned at the gate and dropped my head. I sighed and put my hands up to my head, running them through my hair. I didn't think I could handle this.

 

[gearhead73]

"You brought me here! Why?! Why couldn't you have just left me out there to die?!" she spat pointing that bat of hers right at my face.
Without thinking, I swiped my hand up and grabbed the bat about midway and snatched it from her hand and then tossed away from us.
"You wanna fuckin die? No Problem."
I walked forward and stooped hitting her in the midsection, just enough to double her over my shoulder. I hardly noticed her weight as I stood up and took off in a run toward the tower with her in a fireman's carry. I was running on anger and adrenaline as I made it up the stairs and into the room at the top.
She was screaming and cursing, but I couldn't hear her. I was so angry at the thought that someone would piss away and opportunity to stay alive, especially after everyone had worked together to make it back. If she wanted to end it, she would get her chance. I hade made up my mind that one way or another she was going to make a choice.
When I was in the room I went to the wall and bent over at the waist causing her to fall backwards and hang upside down as I held her legs at the knee.
"You wanna fuckin die? You just say the word and I'll make it happen. At least that way you'll know it's comin'. Look at those walkers out there, you walk out that gate and that's what you have to look forward to. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even for a week, but sooner or later, when you are tired and weak, the walkers will come for you."
I reached a hand down, and grasped the shoulder strap of her back pack and pulled her upper body up so I could look at her face.
"Or...you could suck it the fuck up, and put up with some asshole that hasn't quite made it back to society just yet. What'll it be?"

 

[prettyserpentine]

I had never felt rage like it. As he dangled me over the edge I swiped my hand, trying to at least punch him in the balls or something. But I couldn't reach. Damned short arms. My head was spinning and all the blood seemed to rush into it. It felt like it was going to explode. Like worse than before. I started feeling sick again, and dizzy, and I couldn't really move my arms. Everything was spinning. He said something about being an asshole, and I couldn't agree more, but I really felt like my head was going to erupt.

I reached my arms out to him before shadows started dancing around the edges of my vision.

 

[gearhead73]

She reached out for me and I pulled her up. She was on her feet, but wobbly and she didn't look very well. I placed one of her arms around my neck and held onto her waist as I led her to the chair I used when I was up here before.
I took a knee in front of her, and looked at her face trying to see if she was ok.
"I'm glad you decided to stay Pan...really. I wasn't going to drop you, I was just pissed off and when I get that way I..."
There wasn't a good explanation. There was also probably no way I could ever make it up to her, but I was glad that she hadn't wanted me to drop her. I wasn't sure what it was, but there something that no matter how much she pissed me off, I still liked that she was around.
I just didn't know how to tell her that.
"Pandora...please don't leave. We can find a way to get along. It's been a long shitty day and we both are exhausted. Maybe we could try to work things out in the morning?"

 

[prettyserpentine]

Randy was swimming before my eyes as he set me in the chair and knelt in front of me. I was breathing a little heavily, I felt pretty grim, I reached out to him, just to feel warmth, closeness, like I wasn't alone. I sort of grabbed at his shirt the way Mara used to grab at mine when she wanted me, and I missed her. I pulled my arms away. I was being stupid again, and I hugged them around myself and leant forward, trying to stop from fainting. "I'm glad you were at the end of my long shitty day." Almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth I immediately wanted to pull them back. I exhaled slowly, the spinning world coming to a slow halt.

 

[gearhead73]

She grabbed for my shirt and I expected a right cross to connect with my cheek. Instead she let go of me and wrapped her arms around her stomach.
"I'm glad you were at the end of my long shitty day." she said between ragged breaths as she leaned forward.
I rose up so that her forehead rested on mu shoulder and without thinking my arms went around her. I think that whether or not we wanted to admit it, we needed each other, at least right then. One of my hands as if moving on its own went to the back of her head and laced through her flowing black hair. The memories of being so close to someone overpowered my ability to reason and I placed a kiss on the top of her head. For just an instant, I was back in Ireland, saying goodbye to Fiona after that first week when we met. Our relationship was still brand new, but somewhere inside I knew that I would do whatever it took to make her mine.
"I'm glad I am here too Pan, not everyone you meet is as friendly as me." I am sure she could tell I was smiling as I rested my lips on her hair.

 

[prettyserpentine]

I lifted my head a little, my cheek resting on his shoulder and I let the full weight of my head rest there. Everything stopped spinning and I breathed slowly. I felt him kiss my head and I resolved that this was safe enough. I was okay. I ran my left hand against his shirt and let it lie there. I was comfortable. I murmured drowsily against his neck.

"This is the least you can do. After knocking me out."

 

[gearhead73]

"Hey," I whispered "that was hours ago, are you going to hold that against me forever?"
The easiness of the banter between us was back and I was happy. Her head was on my shoulder and I had mindless started stroking her hair.
She had sounded sleepy and as I kneeled there, the exertion of running up the stairs with her, along with all of the other battles that we had engaged in were starting to catch up with me. I was no longer fueled by rage and adrenaline. In fact, I felt calmer than I had in months. Even now, as I thought about what the days and weeks in this place might be like, all of the hatred, and anger that had always been churning just below the surface had dissipated.
I was tired and I knew she was too, but I wasn't sure what to do about it. She seemed so comfortable and serene, that I didn't want to do anything to spoil that. However, my knee was killing me and my back was starting to scream in agony.
I leaned her back in the chair and then rose to a crouch so I could lift her up. I put her arm around my neck and lifted her into my arms. I am not muscle bound by any stretch, but holding her like that made me feel powerful and masculine. I walked to a corner so I could put my back against one of the posts and then slid down it so she was sitting sideways in my lap.
I pulled her tight to me and relished the feel of her body next to mine.
"Let's just rest for a bit, okay?"