My Work Here Is Done

[rosco rathbone]

http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/02/straight-women-really-not-step-up-during-sex.html

Take, for example, this question: “In your ideal sexual encounter, do you take control, or do they?” The number of straight men who answered “me” was up 25 percent since 2005, while the number of straight women who said the same dropped three points to 11 percent — the lowest number of all groups surveyed.

Carry on.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

The responses don't surprise me, but I dislike the tone of the title. It reads as judgmental, like the straight women they describe are doing something wrong. The 50 Shades reference is irksome as well, as if people weren't playing with power exchange within their relationships long before that fanfic was released.

It's good stuff, though. We are settling into an interesting norm with e-dating as completely socially acceptable and I'm quite glad to see some attitudes about sex changing.

 

[removed9556]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Primalex]

I do wonder how much that is to do less with a real understanding of the complexities of power dynamics and more to do with a seemingly politically correct reassertion of traditional 50s roles. Say, as a conservative man, that you think a woman's place is in the home, and you are berated. Say that you are in a consensual D/s relationship and the response, among liberals at least, is likely to be far more understanding, though the actual difference in your day to day experience may well be minimal.

Well, you look at the results and symptoms. If I do this, I can conclude that there is not much difference between a soldier and Dexter. Both kill humans and both justify their actions with that they only (intend to) kill the bad guys, who deserved it. Results and symptoms are not the point in human behavior though, intrinsic motivation is. There are some overlapping motivations - both kill for self-preservation - but essentially there is a huge difference whether you kill to protect or for sexual gratification.

And so there is a huge difference between a misogynist and a male D, even if the result might be the same in a relationship - which is why it's so hard to tell the difference sometimes.

Let me elaborate this some more:

Your 50s conservative thinks, depending on whether he believes in creationism or darwinism, that it is a god-given or natural state that men rule over women and women obey men and so your sex determines the role you have in society.

The dominant male merely receives sexual gratification from controlling women and seeks out a submissive partner. This does neither induce nor exclude a conservative view.

 

[IrisAlthea]

It has always been surprising to me, when wandering around these hallowed halls, to see how BDSM on Lit is largely about male Doms and female subs. Perhaps that is just the GB quotient, since I admit I am not in this particular corner very often. I do wonder how much that is to do less with a real understanding of the complexities of power dynamics and more to do with a seemingly politically correct reassertion of traditional 50s roles. Say, as a conservative man, that you think a woman's place is in the home, and you are berated. Say that you are in a consensual D/s relationship and the response, among liberals at least, is likely to be far more understanding, though the actual difference in your day to day experience may well be minimal.

Certainly, in my experience in Britain, male subs are more common than female ones, and male Doms far rarer than Dommes. That is, in terms of clubs, munches, etc. I wonder why, online, the proportions seem to be different. Or perhaps these numbers reflect those who dip in their toes as a bedroom fetish more than a lifestyle, though again, I can't see why there would be such an obvious gap.

Self selection bias mostly, I think.

I also think it's wrong to conflate "don't want to be in control of sexual situations" with "want to be the designated doer of dishes".
I think that kind of conflation might have been be more common before.

 

[removed9556]

 

[CutieMouse]

Rosco sighting!

Carry on!

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Real doms are like George Washington and Robert E. Lee and Geronimo. Dom is who we are. Its like eye color and height. Its not a variable. And it exists independent of other traits and sentiments.

And I laugh my ass off after I read most of the BDSM posts made by the posers with their cardboard tiaras and chicken feather capes.

 

[FurryFury]

I expect there are far more male subs than will admit to it publicly. Society does not tend to think highly of subs. So there is that bias but I disagree with the last poster. I do not believe that "real" doms are like that 100% of the time. I think we, universal we, are more variable than that.

 

[foxinsox]

Rosco sighting!

Carry on!

On Valentine's Day, no less.

(foxy, who is late to every party)

 

[Netzach]

It has always been surprising to me, when wandering around these hallowed halls, to see how BDSM on Lit is largely about male Doms and female subs. Perhaps that is just the GB quotient, since I admit I am not in this particular corner very often. I do wonder how much that is to do less with a real understanding of the complexities of power dynamics and more to do with a seemingly politically correct reassertion of traditional 50s roles. Say, as a conservative man, that you think a woman's place is in the home, and you are berated. Say that you are in a consensual D/s relationship and the response, among liberals at least, is likely to be far more understanding, though the actual difference in your day to day experience may well be minimal.

Certainly, in my experience in Britain, male subs are more common than female ones, and male Doms far rarer than Dommes. That is, in terms of clubs, munches, etc. I wonder why, online, the proportions seem to be different. Or perhaps these numbers reflect those who dip in their toes as a bedroom fetish more than a lifestyle, though again, I can't see why there would be such an obvious gap.

Is this online or offline community?

Wherever I've been online the boards/forums are driven by the majority - hetero female subs - who seem the more *inclined* to share personal reflection, open up, look for validation, and who have the most at stake putting themselves out there in the physical (common wisdom says). Doms are usually there because they are.

Sweeping generalizations, but I'm just calling what I see the most.

OFFline, the agenda has room for a lot more horny young men getting their freak on without being solipsistic about it.

And they take direction well, IME.

 

[Netzach]

I expect there are far more male subs than will admit to it publicly. Society does not tend to think highly of subs. So there is that bias but I disagree with the last poster. I do not believe that "real" doms are like that 100% of the time. I think we, universal we, are more variable than that.

There are also more male hedonists who want to just feel the helplessness for a scene, and a lot less D/s and fixed identity based on whether you liked it missionary or up a tree with a sling.

I can guarantee that how men self-report on a study like this is different than what they want to discuss for 2.99 a minute.

 

[Netzach]

Self selection bias mostly, I think.

I also think it's wrong to conflate "don't want to be in control of sexual situations" with "want to be the designated doer of dishes".
I think that kind of conflation might have been be more common before.

Winner winner chicken dinner. Dishes have to get done - if you let them sit all weekend simply because he's not there to do them you're a fool with no nose, not a Domme.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I expect there are far more male subs than will admit to it publicly. Society does not tend to think highly of subs...

...I can guarantee that how men self-report on a study like this is different than what they want to discuss for 2.99 a minute.

Or for free on Lit.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I can guarantee that how men self-report on a study like this is different than what they want to discuss for 2.99 a minute.

This, and also: basing the study on OKC users means that they're excluding EVERYBODY who's already in a relationship that meets their needs, guaranteeing that the results aren't representative.