My wonderful new computer

[TheEarl]

There's been something wrong with my internet use for ages and I've only just worked out what it is. When I first got this new computer (about 2 weeks ago) I signed into Lit. And I've not had to do it again since! Hurrah and other such words.

For those who missed it, I had a long and prolonged rant about the fact that my old computer was incapable of remembering my Lit name and password, despite the fact that cookies were switched on. This lead to lots of 'Please sign in' screens whenever I tried to post, go into my PMs, view an attachment, reply, answer a poll, etc and much abuse towards the computer of the kind 'I told what my fucking sign in name and password was just a couple of seconds ago! What is wrong with you, you stupid bloody machine <thump>?'

God bless new technology. To err is human. To really fuck things up, you need a computer.

The Earl

 

[MathGirl]

There's been something wrong with my internet use for ages and I've only just worked out what it is. When I first got this new computer (about 2 weeks ago) I signed into Lit. And I've not had to do it again since!

Good Grief! What was your old computer? Some sort of wind powered abacus?

What do you do with old computers? I have 3 complete systems in my garage. I've had this one for a couple years, and I'm starting to feel the itch to upgrade. I sure hope it's only an itch to upgrade; I sure don't need a yeast infection.

I did my dissertation on this thing, and the pounding of creating over 300 perfect pages has beaten up my keyboard. Instead of a new keyboard, though, I can rationalize getting a whole new system.

Charitable orgs and churches won't take the damn things anymore, because they already have garages full. I live in a good neighborhood, so I can't even leave them out front for someone to steal.

MG

 

[openthighs_sarah]

Re: Re: My wonderful new computer

Charitable orgs and churches won't take the damn things anymore, because they already have garages full. I live in a good neighborhood, so I can't even leave them out front for someone to steal.

MG,
Can't you drive them to a bad neighborhood and just drop them off? Better yet, drive them to a church in a bad neighborhood? (Or are you not allowed within a certain number of meters..?)

Congratulations and welcome to the 19th century, Earl! I hope you have a good place to store all your punch cards.

What an amazing time to be alive.

 

[MathGirl]

Computer disposal

MG,Can't you drive them to a bad neighborhood and just drop them off?

My man likes to dispose of old TVs, VCRs, computers, etc. by taking them out to the country and shooting them to pieces with shotguns and pistols. It's really lots of fun and very therapeutic.

MG

 

[Chicklet]

Congrats, Earl! Happy happy for your computer. I just got a cable modem - have been without one for, gasp, 11 months. I didn't realize how much I missed being able to load things at warp speed.

Chicklet

 

[TheEarl]

Thankyou Chicklet. A nice reminder of what I don't have. Now I'm all depressed with my slow modem .

The Earl

 

[openthighs_sarah]

Thankyou Chicklet. A nice reminder of what I don't have. Now I'm all depressed with my slow modem .

Wireless DSL here, Earl. Speed and complete mobility.

 

[pop_54]

Hmmmmmm

Nice to hear you have a new super puter Earl, one that remembers things that is.
I'm older I don't need super speed, this old thing does me, built it from second hand bits about two years ago, 56K as well so nice slow internet, who cares, chill man, hang for a while as things load, sends the kids round the bend of course all the waiting.

I always have to log in each time by choice, I clear the whole kit at the end of each day with Evidence Eliminator, all temp files, all cookies, all net temp files get securely wiped and overwritten, I do this to avoid spyware infection and to keep the machine clean of built up crap.
On average about 5 Mb of crap gets dumped every night, often more, think of that building up for weeks and months.



pops...........

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Hmmmmmm

On average about 5 Mb of crap gets dumped every night, often more, think of that building up for weeks and months.pops...........

Ewwwwwwwwwww. Kind of like toejam or smegma
MG

 

[Guest]

Topping your PC

The Earl:
" . . .much abuse towards the computer of the kind 'I told what my fucking sign in name and password was just a couple of seconds ago! What is wrong with you, you stupid bloody machine <thump>?' "

Sir Earl:

I am happy for you, having read your posts and stories I am of the not-so-humble opinon that you deserve the best in Cyberiana.

A note per the above quote: I discovered long ago that there seem to be two types of PC users similar to D/s personae.

A) There are those who actually hit the wrong key and instinctively yelp, "O, I'm sorry." They might even caress the CPU and buy it a new mouse.

B) Those like you (and me) who abuse their machine verbally, and in the most intense of provocations physically. We take no cyber-shit or pleadings.

Special warning to all: DO NOT let your computers 'top' you, they don't even give head.

Respectfully, Perdita

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Translation: "Before I tell you what the problem is, you have to promise not to hit me."

 

[oggbashan]

Error Messages

I had to work with a 1980s word processing system which was taken over by a Norwegian company.

When the error messages were in Norwegian you knew you had really F**ked the system up.

Early versions of Windows in French had US error messages. Bill Gates strikes again. Later versions have French error messages unless the error is terminally fatal - then US English messages send terror to the French user.

Og

 

[snooper]

Re: Error Messages

I had to work with a 1980s word processing system which was taken over by a Norwegian company.

When the error messages were in Norwegian you knew you had really F**ked the system up.

Early versions of Windows in French had US error messages. Bill Gates strikes again. Later versions have French error messages unless the error is terminally fatal - then US English messages send terror to the French user.

Og

When you buy your software from an erudite company, the messages can be beautiful. I give one or two examples:

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.


The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.


A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.


Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.


More available on request.

 

[MathGirl]

Modems

I get along just fine with a 56K modem. I don't download big stuff, so it seems to do the job.

My father has had PCs since there were PCs. He's kept them all. One big room in the house is sort of a computer museum.

The first computer he had was in the 70s, a Commodore 64. It even had a modem that plugged into the back of the thing. Speed? Three hundred baud (yes, 300). He said to download a small graphics file, you got it started at bedtime, and it might be finished in the morning. 56K seems like lightning compared to that.

We have so much to be thankful for.
MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

My mother's first computer was one of those stone age ones with a screen that only showed yellow letters against a brownblack background. It had a matris printer that screech-screech-screeched when you printed something.

My own first computer was a medieval Macintosh that didn't have a CD-drive.

I was amazed when mum got a brand new, top modern computer in the late 90'ies. Last year, I tried to download the trial version of PSP to her computer, using her 56K modem. After 4 hours, the whole thing shut down from exhaustion. (Without breaking. It was just the downloading that quit.)

Two years ago, she bought me a brand new computer, and I got myself a broad band connection for it. Last year, I downloaded PSP to my computer with that broad band. It took about 10 minutes.

I'll never go back to using a modem again.

 

[TheEarl]

snooper: Lol. Liked these. More, more.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Earl: I work/play at home on a Dell Latitude laptop (provided by my office). It has a little violet knob right in the middle of the keyboard. It's called a 'nipple'; really, that's the official tech term.

Takes just a little practice to use it correctly. I call it my 'tiny sub'. Gives a special nuance to 'lap dance'. Yum...

anon, Perdita

 

[Svenskaflicka]

ERROR MESSAGES

"Couldn't find file. Check if it has fallen down on the floor."

"Couldn't find file. Will open something I think is interesting."

"I CAN open file, but I don't want to."

 

[MathGirl]

I downloaded PSP to my computer with that broad band. It took about 10 minutes.

Hiya, Svenska, you Swedish cutie,
What's a PSP?
MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

PaintShopPro.

It's the graphic program I use to create my little av-drawings. Great fun!

 

[snooper]

snooper: Lol. Liked these. More, more.

You did ask:

Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
Enter this system.


Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy!


First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

I'll mail you the rest unless anyone else likes them.

 

[wildsweetone]

Re: Re: Error Messages

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

of all the options, this one would really hack me off the most. it would not be a good idea to be walking on the path past the window at the time this error message came up.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Re: Error Messages

of all the options, this one would really hack me off the most. it would not be a good idea to be walking on the path past the window at the time this error message came up.

Dear WSO,
I don't think there's much chance of that, since you live far, far away from me. I'd hate to be concussed by a flying expletive, though.
MG
Ps. I'll be in your neighborhood in a few months.

 

[wildsweetone]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Error Messages

Dear WSO,
I don't think there's much chance of that, since you live far, far away from me. I'd hate to be concussed by a flying expletive, though.
MG
Ps. I'll be in your neighborhood in a few months.

there would be flying expletives aplenty. neighbourhood as in across the ditch from me or closer to home?

 

[MathGirl]

Kiwi, kiwi. Who got the kiwi?

there would be flying expletives aplenty. neighbourhood as in across the ditch from me or closer to home?

NZ, Australia, all over the place down there. I hope to catch a huge black marlin and release it.
MG