My virginity - does it exist?

[RaLaWrites]

I've wondered about this for a while but I've been a little embarrassed to ask my doctor, Mom, sister, friends, or anyone else. Before anyone decides to tear into me for asking such a silly question, just remember that I've only been 18 for.. *counts* less than six months now. Not only that, but I am a virgin.

I've been masturbating for the past four years or so, but I've always been afraid to finger myself. This whole time, I've pretty much been rubbing my clit.

Lately though, I've been curious about fingering myself. I'm horribly inexperienced so I sat in a chair in front of my full length mirror so I could look at everything.. down there. Once I found it (and boy, is it tiny!), even though I was wet enough I had a hard time getting my finger inside of myself. The further I pushed a finger in, the more it was -uncomfortable- at best, but it didn't hurt. I didn't feel any kind of resistance whatsoever.

I guess I have two questions: Is the hymen REALLY far up there, or is it a couple of inches in? I have pretty short fingers that are probably only 3 inches in lenghth, if that's the case, it would explain why I didn't feel anything.

But, I also have an inkling about something that happened in the past. As a little girl, I used to love to ride my bike. More than a few times I felt discomfort after jumping on the seat too quickly, or in an awkward position. I've heard that girls accidentally tear their hymen when that happens.

Any idea as to which one it could be?

 

[86camaro]

Riding a bike can do that.

Most girl's hymen is a little deeper then say just a half an inch (from reading other posts it seems I am wrong on that), slowley sliding a well lubricated finger in I really doubt would tear it if you are curious. From what I know its just a ring, not a wall.

Congrats on being a virgin still, Im 25 Saturday and my wife is 24, we just got married and she was a virgen and I was not, wish I was though.....

We had to ask out doctor about some problems we are having (can't get her to cum, see my thread) and its really not that bad, he was really honest and made the conversation really confortable.

I am sure the next exam you can have he or she can look and tell you.

Ours looked ans said from what he could see it was still there, he did not want to risk breaking it if it was still there since we were almost married.

 

[Reba67]

well, part of the discomfort may just be because of the weird angle you're at to be able to see yourself in the mirror and still reach down there. I find that that's just an odd angle for me and I can't get my fingers in there easily from that angle. Remember that the vagina doesn't really point the way we "think" it does. Do you have a box of tampons around? Take a look at the instructions and the shape of which way the vagina is sitting.....kinda more towards the small of your back than "up", kwim?

the hymen itself is actually not too far from the opening of the vagina......close enough that you don't have to stick your finger "way up there" to find it.

But like the pp said, there's a good chance that you've already torn it or that you don't have one that causes much resistance when putting your finger in there.

And, virginity has NOTHING to do with existence of your hymen. Have you had sex? If not, you're a virgin.

 

[fire_breeze]

Here are some articles that describes and talks about hymens.

One

Two

Three

Hope it helps and answers your questions.

 

[SweetErika]

I've been masturbating for the past four years or so, but I've always been afraid to finger myself. This whole time, I've pretty much been rubbing my clit.

Why are you afraid to finger/penetrate yourself? Are you afraid you won't be a virgin anymore?

If so, don't worry about it! You're going to be a virgin until you have sex with another person (traditionally a man, but bi and lesbian women who have only had sex with other women certainly aren't virgins!). Virginity has nothing to do with masturbation, and exploring your body in all sorts of ways will only help you in your future relationships.

Lately though, I've been curious about fingering myself. I'm horribly inexperienced so I sat in a chair in front of my full length mirror so I could look at everything.. down there. Once I found it (and boy, is it tiny!), even though I was wet enough I had a hard time getting my finger inside of myself. The further I pushed a finger in, the more it was -uncomfortable- at best, but it didn't hurt. I didn't feel any kind of resistance whatsoever.

I'm thinking it probably felt uncomfortable because you were sitting in a chair (which can put things at odd angles and make penetration difficult and uncomfy) and weren't fully relaxed. Both of these things can make the vagina feel very small, when it's really quite stretchy with a good angle, relaxation and gradual stretching.

Have you orgasmed from masturbation? If so, try penetration after you've already come, while you're lying down or squatting (though that's usually not ideal for relaxation, either) or even sitting on the toilet. You might even consider using something like a taper candle *covered in a condom* (so it won't give you an infection or leave anything in your vagina) and well-lubed for penetration and g-spot stimulation. A toy with a curved end (google 'g-spot vibe') will likely work better, but sometimes we've gotta improvise, right?

I guess I have two questions: Is the hymen REALLY far up there, or is it a couple of inches in? I have pretty short fingers that are probably only 3 inches in lenghth, if that's the case, it would explain why I didn't feel anything.

Contrary to what many believe, the hymen is actually right at the entrance of the vagina. It's not "up there" at all. Looky:
http://www.visualstatistics.net/east-west/Intermarriage/Hymen.jpg

See here for hymen shape variations: http://www.visualstatistics.net/east-west/Intermarriage/Hymen.jpg

But, I also have an inkling about something that happened in the past. As a little girl, I used to love to ride my bike. More than a few times I felt discomfort after jumping on the seat too quickly, or in an awkward position. I've heard that girls accidentally tear their hymen when that happens.

You heard right! Many of us don't have much, if any, hymenal tissue by the time we have sex because we played as little girls, masturbated, played sports, or used tampons. Again, whether a female has a hymen or not alone has absolutely nothing to do with their virginity. Women who don't have hymens and have never had sex are still virgins.

Any idea as to which one it could be?

Not without seeing you or touching you.

If you don't see a membrane stretched near the entrance of your vagina and/or you don't feel a little piece of skin/membrane occluding the opening, there's a very good chance you don't have a hymen.

Have you already had a pelvic exam? If not, I'd suggest doing that very soon - the general rule is it's good to start with annual exams/PAP smears when you're 18 or become sexually active, whichever comes first. Ask the doc/practitioner to show you your anatomy, explain everything s/he's doing and if you have a hymen. It's good to know what's going on down there so when you have a problem or question, you can get it sorted out more easily (e.g. it's easier to explain, "There's pain coming from the lower part of my clitoral hood," than, "It hurts at the top part of my pussy, above my clit where that...you know...um...'thing' is." ). I've always found Planned Parenthood and Women's Clinic practitioners to be very good about explaining and educating me in a comfortable way, but most docs will be more than happy to help you learn about your body and health.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

As Erika says, the hymen is low down but also, it's not a closed barrier, which is why you can use tampons and not lose it. If you have just put 1 finger inside yourself, it's doubtful that you've torn your hymen, it only gets torn by thicker objects, like an erect penis.

It's possible that you have lost your hymen through bike riding but I used to cycle everywhere when I was a kid, off road mountain biking too and I was still intact the first time I had penetrative sex.

It really shouldn't be something you worry about too much. If you're planning to have sex soon, it's worth mentioning to your guy because young men often know as much about the female form as they do about flower arranging and if you're mature enough to be having sex, then you should be mature enough to talk about your body frankly.

Odds are that it's still there and you just haven't found it yet but either way, you are physically a virgin until you have penetrative sex and anybody who thinks different is not somebody you should be considering giving your cherry to.

 

[SweetErika]

As Erika says, the hymen is low down but also, it's not a closed barrier, which is why you can use tampons and not lose it. If you have just put 1 finger inside yourself, it's doubtful that you've torn your hymen, it only gets torn by thicker objects, like an erect penis.

It's possible that you have lost your hymen through bike riding but I used to cycle everywhere when I was a kid, off road mountain biking too and I was still intact the first time I had penetrative sex.

Some hymens do occlude the vaginal opening enough to make penetration with a finger or slim tampon impossible (so the opening is basically closed). While rare, those and particularly thick hymens can require minor surgical intervention to make penetration possible and comfortable.

I didn't have a noticeable hymen by the time I had sex in my mid-teens. Being an active child, masturbator and using tampons since I started my period took care of it, even though I never noticed it hurting or bleeding. I think it probably stretched itself away, and that was that.

 

[infinity706]

Odds are that it's still there and you just haven't found it yet but either way, you are a virgin until you have penetrative sex and anybody who thinks different is not somebody you should be considering giving your cherry to.

Penetration of what, though? Depending on how you define it, plenty of rather experienced people might fit under virgin. Some lesbians I've talked to have yet to even have a single finger inside of themselves or anyone else. Some gay guys only do oral. Does that mean they could be forever virgins even if they're so talented they could make a seasoned whore squeal?

 

[StevenWill]

itroitus

The hymen is at the introitus or opening of the vaginal canal, not several inches inside the vaginia. It may have broken or it may not have broken but that has nothinig to do with virginity. Using a tampon does not take your virginity. Technically, penises end virginity though some think that places too much emphasis on woman/man intercourse as the norm. There are several kings of hymen but the most common is the anular which is a ring of tissue around that vaginal opening that you may not even notice in the mirror. Rarer form exist, like the septate and cribiform which are a line of tissue across the vaginal opening and a covered opening with many little holes it it. See attached photos.

You are ahead for being curious and exploring and asking questions. Good for you.

Dr. Steve

 

[RaLaWrites]

Thank you all so much for responding. It's helped me out a lot and the visuals did as well.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Penetration of what, though? Depending on how you define it, plenty of rather experienced people might fit under virgin. Some lesbians I've talked to have yet to even have a single finger inside of themselves or anyone else. Some gay guys only do oral. Does that mean they could be forever virgins even if they're so talented they could make a seasoned whore squeal?

I meant a technical, intact virgin rather than simply sexually inexperienced, which was the focus of the OP's question. She was asking in physiological terms and I answered in kind. I did not mean to infer that the existence or absence of a hymen has anything to do with sexual experience.

Erika, of course you're right but there are always biological anomalies that deviate from expected norms. I should probably have said that but the vast majority of hymens do not completely occlude the vagina and are present the first time a woman has PIV sex.

I think you two guys are among the wisest here on HT but I have to confess that there are times when this hair splitting gets pedantic. I don't believe I gave the OP misleading or incorrect information or insulted the experienced, hymenally intact lesbians of the world.

Sheesh.

 

[infinity706]

I meant a technical, intact virgin rather than simply sexually inexperienced, which was the focus of the OP's question. She was asking in physiological terms and I answered in kind. I did not mean to infer that the existence or absence of a hymen has anything to do with sexual experience.

Erika, of course you're right but there are always biological anomalies that deviate from expected norms. I should probably have said that but the vast majority of hymens do not completely occlude the vagina and are present the first time a woman has PIV sex.

I think you two guys are among the wisest here on HT but I have to confess that there are times when this hair splitting gets pedantic. I don't believe I gave the OP misleading or incorrect information or insulted the experienced, hymenally intact lesbians of the world.

Sheesh.

Don't worry so much. For the most part, I only pick apart the answers of the best and most knowlegable people...

I have to challenge the tampon thing, though. Sure, it's not normally a sex object, but the way that nice, plastic cover is shaped, it certainly could be used as a cheap, disposable toy. If they had a flared base, they'd even be great for anal.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Don't worry so much. For the most part, I only pick apart the answers of the best and most knowlegable people...

Well then I guess I'm flattered.

*pouts*

 

[Noira]

Aw, don't worry about it. Virginity is a state of mind, not a state of hymen. I'm pretty sure I've torn mine on tampons... hurt like heck the first few times and then it was just... you know... there's a piece of cotton up my vagina. Not that I like them or anything, unlike some women but I think I probably did wear my hymen down combined with that and, ah, um... (coughs) You know.

Similarly to you, I rode my bike as a child a lot and felt discomfort from getting on and it jamming up into my underwear and all. And also was clit-only for a long time. I'm also not that much older than you.

Yeah, you could have broken it. I'm quite sure I wore mine down. I talked to my mom about it and she agrees. Tampons. Her and my best friend actually believe they broke theirs on tampons as well and it's probably no surprise or anomoly. We don't live in a society where we have to have intact hymens anyway, thank goodness.

Activity can break them, running around and biking and swimming and horseback riding and all that, gymnastics, whatever. Doesn't mean it will but it's possible. Sticking in one finger's not likely to. It's possible you've worn it down quite a bit. I wouldn't worry about it, it'll only make sex for the first time hurt less, right? It's not a bad thing.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

We don't live in a society where we have to have intact hymens anyway, thank goodness.

Exactly. If you explain to your first partner that it's your first time and you don't bleed, what's s/he going to do, have you beheaded or stoned? Not here in western society they're not. It's just one of those things and really doesn't have much to do with your status as a virgin.

 

[HowMayIPleaseU]

Well I'm a female in my early 40s and haven't been a virgin for a long time, but I certainly enjoyed the female anatomy lesson. LOL... I learned things I certainly didn't know...

RaLa - enjoy exploring yourself!!! I know I did at your age... And hold out for someone worthwhile to lose your virginity with... (doesn't have to be "love" but for heaven's sake, make sure it's someone that cares about your pleasure) I didn't and I rather wish I had...

 

[infinity706]

Exactly. If you explain to your first partner that it's your first time and you don't bleed, what's s/he going to do, have you beheaded or stoned? Not here in western society they're not. It's just one of those things and really doesn't have much to do with your status as a virgin.

Besides, being a virgin doesn't really carry special perks for most people anymore. Afterall, an experienced woman probably knows more tricks.